Prey (tentative title)

Slacker takes a job and gets more then he bargained for

Jack Sprat was a down on his luck ne’er do well who was currently out of a job and his room rent was already 3 weeks late. It was mid December so the landscaping business was starting to slow to a crawl. There wasn’t even enough snow this year for snow removal which he typically did for Escobans landscaping, his most current employer.

One day while reading the village voice (his favorite paper because it was free) after daydreaming about the sex ads, he noticed an advertisement for a temp job:

 

Wanted motivated, self starting individual for testing in computer gaming. Must be over 21 and in good physical condition. No questions asked. Begin immediately. Pays big $$$.

Reply to [email protected]...

 

Well this has potential he thought to himself, even though he hardly considered himself a ‘motivated, self starting individual’. He wasn’t even sure what that meant but if they wanted to pay big dollars to test a computer game, hell, that he could do. And besides he really needed the money. The following day he borrowed his next door neighbor’s iPad, Jimmy Carter and emailed the address from the ad. Jimmy wasn’t that enthralled with lending his device to Jack. “Hey man, don’t be looking at porn on my iPad again!” Jimmy said “The last time you gave it back it was all sticky and s**t”

“Yo dude I explained that to you already. It was hair gel and I wasn’t looking at porn!” Jack replied indignantly. “Just make sure you bring it right back” Jimmy called after him as Jack closed the door and went to his own room. He turned on the iPad and searched for a wi-fi signal he could steal. The strongest signal he could find was one called ‘mimis_router’. It had 4 bars. Mimi was the hooker that lived on the 3^rd floor. She had a glass eye, so whenever she talked to you it felt like she was always looking behind you.

Lets see if I were mimi what password would I use? He thought to himself. After 3 attempts he figured it out 212 3218765. He made a mental note of telling mimi not to use her phone number as a password, especially since it was scribbled all over the bathroom walls. He connected and logged onto grunge mail, his free internet email provider and started typing his email:

 

To whom it may concern,

I am replying to the ad you placed in December 15, village voice. My name is Jack Sprat. I am a 38 years old white male, with an equivalency diploma and have many years of experience playing video games. I once scored 650,000 points on centipede and 700,000 points on galaga. I think I would make a great computer game tester and can start work immediately. My number is 212 555-9550, if its busy wait 10 minutes and try again.

 

Regards,

Jack Sprat

 

After he proof read it to himself and he was satisfied, Jack hit the send button. He especially liked the fact that he had added his ethnicity - after all white people got hired faster, right? And included the archaic reference to video games �" proved many years of experience, didn’t it? Then he had second thoughts. What if the person in charge of hiring was black? What if they thought him too old because he played video games? He might’ve just screwed himself right out of a job! Anyway listing his equivalency diploma would probably make up for all the other damage, if there was any. He had read somewhere that it was always good to list ones academic achievements.

 

He kept listening for the payphone in the hallway to ring but it didn’t. He sent the email 15 minutes ago. They must’ve gotten it by now? For one thing that b***h Sonia was constantly on the phone (that’s why he added ‘wait 10 minutes and try again in his email) and when she wasn’t yacking to somebody, Mimi the hooker was making business appointments. He pulled up Googys world of free porn on his friend Jimmys ipad and settled in for a long night of intimacy with his favorite porn stars. Mental note: Be sure to wipe it down, before he gives it back this time! Jack couldn’t stop thinking about the computer job and he figured if he didn’t hear anything by tomorrow, he’d try the croogslist web site and see what opportunities they had to offer. He finally nodded off around 2:30 in the morning and fell fast asleep while Deep throat was playing on Jimmy’s iPad.

 

The next day he was awakened by the pay phone in the hallway ringing incessantly. “Is someone going to answer that damn phone!” he screamed out.

 

 

Author's Note

I am actually going to try and finish this one...