Superb "cinquain" Jim. There will always be some people who just don't like this genre of poetry and that's ok. I realise its not everyone's 'cup of tea' lol
This was an excellent write, thanks for submitting this to my contest!
Just smiling here at some of the interesting reviews and laughing out loud at Ed's!
;) helena
Superb "cinquain" Jim. There will always be some people who just don't like this genre of poetry and that's ok. I realise its not everyone's 'cup of tea' lol
This was an excellent write, thanks for submitting this to my contest!
Just smiling here at some of the interesting reviews and laughing out loud at Ed's!
;) helena
i guess the reviewer below (Delphine) was unaware of the particulars of the cinquain style....
should the verbs in the 3rd line be active? just as giving, receiving, listening?
i am starting to get the hang of the style.....
nicely done
I think if you tighten it up a little bit, maybe get rid of some of the excess verbiage, go lighter on the punctuation, and change the title, this would be more to my liking...
The only problem I have with this is that it isn't actually poetry. It's a couple of sentences strung together that the audience has no idea how to connect. You've assumed the meaning, and it's as if interpreting this poem through tunnel vision. You leave something to be desired, because this poem is so confined.
I think if you do something with these sentences, elaborate them, clarify them, you could have something.
After 38 years of working as an automotive design sculptor, I retired and have been doing a bit of fishing and writing poems. I've gotten better at both and had some recognition. Most of my poems are .. more..