Lullaby

 

“Don’t open your eyes”

 

She whispered

As the scent

Of spring flowers

Hovers in the winter air

 

“Don’t open your eyes”

 

In the darkness

Her voice

Like a beacon

In a sea of sounds,

Unfamiliar

 

“Shhh ,sleep now”

 

Still, I lay

Like a sheet of glass

On a calm

Serene sea

 

“Shhh, sleep now”

 

Silently breathed

As a prayer is said

Over me

Setting me free

As she lay a flower

(A pale red lily)

 

“Goodbye, love”

 

The dirge

Plays the songs

That set me free

Lowered into earth

“Sleep now”

You are free

Love

You are free

Reviews

[The Dark Passenger]

hi, thanks for entering your work into my competition "something wicked this way comes". I just thought I'd review this piece because it really stood out to me. You've crafted it in a beautiful unique way that really captured the grief and loss evoked through the words of the poem. I loved the imagery, it was almost like I could see it all happening before me.
I also love that you showed instead of told, which not a lot of writers can do well- it's a skill that I'm constantly striving to work on myself, as well as find in the works I judge.
In saying that, your piece stands apart from most of the other works that have been entered because it's not an especially dark piece. I know 'darkness' is all subjective, and I'm perhaps a little desensitized to it, being a morbid sort of person... but it seems to be so different from the competition's intention.
I'll still keep your piece in mind, though I'm not sure I can give you an especially high award for this piece because it's so different from the competition's intention. It makes me feel really guilty to be honest because it's one of the most thought provoking poems I've read in a long time. 'Sigh', we'll just have to see how it goes!
Well done again, and thank you for sharing this amazing piece with the world of writerscafe!

[Haden]

gorgeous write jason. it felt odd to read and be lulled by something that was seeing death from the other side. i kept wanting to shout, "i'm still alive!" but at the same time, feeling remarkably calm.
great perspective.

[Legion]

Wasn't expecting that. :( Great write though. You "brought it" to coin a phrase. Kudos.

[TamiViolet]

Jason, this is a brilliant analogy to death. The contrast of peace and mystery is amazing.
Use of quotes adds to the depth of the piece. Sleep and freedom, you have me thinking...
Photo enhances this exceptional work of art. A favorite.
XOXOOXX

[The Autumn Faerie]

A very elegant perspective to death.
I commend you on this piece!

[she makes me weird]

This is a great piece. You give a peaceful aspect to dying. I like the way you wrote this - using quotes as a loved one says goodbyes. Very creative.

[Emily B]

This is extremely beautiful in the lightness of the words. The tone is perfectly suited to the slumber.

[Kara Emily Krantz]

awwww

the second don't open your eyes you wrote you instead of your

okay just wanted to get that over with

i loved this. i really did. and i liked how you called it a lullaby - it opens the poem for us, thinking that it's sweet and they're like in bed or something and it's like awwww but then, yeah he's totally dead.

haha i liked the use of dirge. :) this is really sweet and simple. well done my dear

[chris' girlfriend]

wow another great poem by you!!!
:)

[The Mad Prophet]

A Lullaby for one of the biggest sleeps you can have. I like it. You show how peaceful it is, making death less fearable.