Her silence, my pain

 

I was out of tears by the time I left her apartment.  I was staggering to find my way. The feeling in my heart can only be described as what it would feel like to be hit by a plane �" and survive it. Yes, I had found the letters from him. Tears welled up as questions exited my shivering lips. Her stone stare became even more shocking.  The pain on my face was obvious as the silence continued. She was fixing her hair in the mirror in the bathroom. She maintained the dead air. Nothing.  My words stumbling as I tried to speak and make sense of this. Hands shaking, holding the divulging evidence. The only sound was my quivering breath and sniffling nose. The room grew cold. Her face grew hot. Yet, she still remained silent, twirling and swirling her hair with extreme concentration, as if I wasn’t there.  The tense air between us built as the silence continued to intensify. Finally she mouthed the words that seemed they were well rehearsed, “I think you should leave.” �"  The only complete sentence I could construct was “I love you, please talk to me”. Without as much as a look, as her eyes were locked on her reflection in the mirror, she closed the bathroom door. The plane just sucked me up into the engine well.

 

I know there must have been something that made her blood move throughout her body, but I was sure it wasn’t a heart.

Author's Note

Based on a true story

Reviews

[justjenn_2u]

Very intense glance into a man being betrayed!

In short text, I was able to breath in his crashing emotions of her demise. I could feel his shock and pain staking force of facing a grim reality of her untruthfulness.

You have a profound way with words and you always leave me wanting to read more your work. Good job, my friend!

[lilain]

You need a hug!

This is painful (not to read, but in emotion). I could feel your suffering and, more than anything, wanted to curse the woman for being so wicked.

BTW, thanks for the invite - I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.

[Wildfleour]

Jason - I think if we never experience that kind of relationship we actually would lack the understanding of what we really want. It helps define our real needs and reminds us that real love must be mutual, not one-sided.

[Just Manoosh]

Oh my, so much said in so little words. Beautifully and gracefully done, sigh.

Mx

Wow! That was way intense! Really gripping, had good description and was very vivid despite it's obvious shortness. I could feel his profound pain and I really like the end line where it coldly and bitterly sums up his after opinion (after he's had time to consider what a totaly BIATCH she is)- "I know there must be something that makes her blood move throughout her body, but I was sure it wasn't a heart." Really good ending, nicely done... overall, just can't argue with it! :) Simplicity is sometimes the key to a great write- especially for this competition! :) Well Done xx

[Vanessa P]

Impressive. Not to sound sexist and/or arrogant...but it's rare for me to see a man or read a man's writing that has such raw and open emotion. I can sense the hurting and the desire for answers. And what makes this an interesting piece for me is, there's no bullsh*t. I was picturing the imagery as I was reading. Then to see the author's note that it's base on true story, it made sense. Pls. continue to pour out your true emotions...because this is what makes our writings pure and honest.

[Glamorous Eyes]

wow, you are amazing with words, cant wait for more.

[Carole]

Jason, you wrote this with such emotional fervor, it is electrifying! I love how you used the metaphor of being hit by a plane and then the your feeling of being sucked up into the engine of a plane! What a powerful metaphor for pain. WOW! Well done.

On a personal note, I sure hope you have recovered. I know there are some heartless girls out there. I'm sorry. :-(

[Michael X]

Jason, powerful writing, i loved the depth you intently portrayed, the entire meaning leaves one
in a state of wow, its excellent, the way you brought the entire piece togther, the design itself
has an effect all its own, and what a story, tragedy in so many ways, yes, the switching from character
to character is effective, transporting and allows the reader to feel the particular emotions conveyed.

[Kevin Andros]

*gulp* I can just go wow on your capacity of delivering the words. I practially felt myself moving through the words, deliberating.

It's really sad to be a true story. The way you have relived the the pain in your "heart" is just insatiable.

I know there must be something that makes her blood move throughout her body, but I was sure it wasn’t a heart.

I loved this line. I think this will stay in my memory forever.

Great write.

~KA~

[Bhavya Kaushik]

Damn! Such a sad write it is...I also loved the flow and imagery in it but it's actually the emotions behind this write which are so powerful.
Such an heartwrenching. write and after reading author's note I even felt more sad :(
This actually reminded me of my break up and that time which was terribly hard for me to handle!
But trust me, time qualifies everything!

"I know there must be something that makes her blood move throughout her body, but I was sure it wasn't a heart." Awesome ending!!

And a great write indeed!!

"Love is like handling someone a gun, having them point it at your heart and trusting them to never pull the trigger...But sadly most of the times...they do!!!"

(special thanks to Caffeine for sending me the read request for this write)