Her silence, my pain

 

I was out of tears by the time I left her apartment.  I was staggering to find my way. The feeling in my heart can only be described as what it would feel like to be hit by a plane �" and survive it. Yes, I had found the letters from him. Tears welled up as questions exited my shivering lips. Her stone stare became even more shocking.  The pain on my face was obvious as the silence continued. She was fixing her hair in the mirror in the bathroom. She maintained the dead air. Nothing.  My words stumbling as I tried to speak and make sense of this. Hands shaking, holding the divulging evidence. The only sound was my quivering breath and sniffling nose. The room grew cold. Her face grew hot. Yet, she still remained silent, twirling and swirling her hair with extreme concentration, as if I wasn’t there.  The tense air between us built as the silence continued to intensify. Finally she mouthed the words that seemed they were well rehearsed, “I think you should leave.” �"  The only complete sentence I could construct was “I love you, please talk to me”. Without as much as a look, as her eyes were locked on her reflection in the mirror, she closed the bathroom door. The plane just sucked me up into the engine well.

 

I know there must have been something that made her blood move throughout her body, but I was sure it wasn’t a heart.

Author's Note

Based on a true story

Reviews

[justjenn_2u]

Very intense glance into a man being betrayed!

In short text, I was able to breath in his crashing emotions of her demise. I could feel his shock and pain staking force of facing a grim reality of her untruthfulness.

You have a profound way with words and you always leave me wanting to read more your work. Good job, my friend!

[Ivory]

OMG... this was a sad piece.. and since you say its from a personal experience I could only imagine the pain that was felt. Very intense piece.. : )

[laceyjane23]

wow great job in showing lots of emotion! i like the style that you chose to write this in, it works well. you used some really great lines!
good luck in my contest
laceyjane

[Crystal Lynn]

Wow. That's harsh. I feel sorry, not for you, but with you. You conveyed the torment incredibly well. The reader can put himself in your shoes...which really bites. But to be able to communicate to your audience that well is a very good thing for a writer. Great job.

[~crazy Beautiful~]

i felt this piece personally. I have been there before. Reading this piece brought me back. Nice work

[Mercury Mirrors]

Woa, cold. True story, eh? Did someone do that to you? oomg I shudder to think about what that must feel like...cheatin SUCKSssssssssss. But this as a piece was very well-written. You always have awesome detail :P.

Kudos :],
Lizz

P.S. I agree with the chicky below. Keep 'em coming!

[Courtney]

oh soo sad i understand the pain in this story very good but really sad i like it keep up the good work!

[Damien Dsoul]

If this is a true story, I hope it never happens to me. But what am I saying: it HAS happened to me before. Though unlike what's on your character, mine at the time was murder.

Your work has the feel of a short story, though I would recommend that you split it into paragraphs so make to make it more interesting. And that last line sure adds a touch of spice to the heartbreaking tale. (Opps, got to go right now. The cops are at my door, asking of my dead girlfriend. A good thing I've long gotten rid of the hatchet).

[Susan M]

Short and bitter. Well done!

The last sentence starts off in present tense and ends in past tense; otherwise it's a masterful stroke of jilted brilliance!

[shadadakiya]

some times it take something more than you to wake some one up ,your a really great writer

[You Don't Know Me]

Wow... the ending did it for me. Very harsh and cutting words, but completely justified. I love how the words were like a snapshot of your heart and the situation. This was beautifully done.