Collide

a song I made to help my heart heal. Hopefully it does the same to anyone in a similar situation.

All the lines are fading and I don't know if I'll ever see them again.
All connections are broken will you tell me why things had to come to an end.
All the violence inside me consumes all that's real, I cant do this again.
All the lights are dimming and I don't know if I'll ever feel you again.

Well I've never ever felt so much warmth in my life
that it cut so cold when you had to turn out all the lights.
Well I've never ever been so wrong in my life
to believe that our worlds could dance without having to collide

My eyes, well they see the cold
and my heart, my hearts about to fold
I know what I have been told
but my heart yearns to be bold
though its not of silver or gold
I swear, it will fit your mold
I'll step down and watch your life unfold
yet know this heart is all yours to hold

Author's Note

not really a poem but hope you enjoy it nonetheless :)

here is a Youtube link of the song in it's draft state. Sadly, I haven't been able to re-record it yet. Let me know what you guys think.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFrUHv1s0M4&feature=youtu.be

Reviews

[Janine Boiselle]

The simplicity had me reading this piece over and over. But I can't help but think that this song hasn't told the whole story (though I'm assuming there's a story behind why you wrote this?) I think this song has a lot of potential if you dig a little deeper with your lyrics. Maybe the continuous rhyming at the end distracted me a bit, but I'm sure this song probably has a much different feel when performed. Maybe trying to add in different descriptions or comparisons to what going through this experience was like in order for the audience, who haven't experienced this same event in their own lives, to have a better sense of connection with your words. I'm not an expert on writing lyrics, but this was just an idea.

Great piece so far!

[fireravensflight]

Thank you for taking the time to read and review my writing :) and yes definitely a story behind it. See when i wrote this song, i started with the chord progression and melody. Its quite an epic one at that and I didn't really want to overpower the music with words. I also didnt want to give away the story since when I wrote this, my break-up was still so fresh and being overly honest was too hard at that point in time lol I totally agree with what you are saying. I guess I can revise it so that people actually understand what I was going through. one of these days I'll post a link of the song so that you may listen to it. you might like it better as a song than a piece of.. whatever it is lol also the part where theres continuous rhyming is the bridge of the song. I may have lost the message I was trying to convey to make it much more melodic and epic. The songs bridge is where all the instruments start wailing and it is very emotional.. think the last min of a Glen Hansard/ Damien Rice sad epic ballad lol Idk if that made sense. Thank you once again for the Review and I will revise this. :)

[Janine Boiselle]

Let me know if you do decide to post the song on here; I'd love to hear it! I figured that there was a lot of heart and soul I missed out on without hearing the melody behind this. But regardless, I still enjoyed reading your piece. I look forward to seeing more of what you post on here :)

[fireravensflight]

thank you very much :) I'll try to see if I can link it here. although I just started here last night so I'll have to figure out how to do that lol it should be up in a few min

[Janine Boiselle]

lol take your time. I just got on this site a few days ago xD

[Coffee]

I really like all the stories you can perceive from this. Somehow I get that the character is dying... Nonetheless, keep up the awesome works!

[fireravensflight]

Thanks a bunch :) I am posting a youtube link of the song as I type. You might like it better as a song than as a piece of literary work lol thanks again

[Coffee]

No problem and I'd love to hear it as a song!

[fireravensflight]

here it is :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFrUHv1s0M4&feature=youtu.be

[Coffee]

I really like the way it sounds. Especially the beginning with (violins?) and it's a really beautiful melody! :)

[fireravensflight]

Thanks. Yes they are. It is my favorite instrument. I will eventually have to re-record and master it. I'll post it here when I get around to doing that! thanks again for your feedback :)

[Coffee]

Welcome and I can't wait to hear the finished product!