2. Hate

H A T E

“I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.” �" James Baldwin

j a x

THE MACHINE STARED back at me and I gasped when I saw his �" I mean its red eyes widen a little in what looked like shock. Before I could dwell on that though, the robot let out a grunt that sounded like unoiled hinges and its ruby red eyes blinked out. I stepped back, my heart pounding, as the robot collapsed into a pile on the ground. 

               I looked up to see my best friend Asher looking down at the dead robot. Asher dropped the dagger he was clutching and it clanged as it hit the robot’s forehead. He looked up to meet my eyes as he panted, his chest heaving up and down heavily.

               “What happened?” He asked immediately once he’d caught his breath. His eyebrows drew into an inquisitive frown as he studied my face and his hands rested on his hips. I got a vague memory of my father doing the same whenever he scolded me.

               I blinked and cut my gaze away. I surveyed the area and said grimly, “This must be the last wave. The cyborgs are having their field trials in a week. Seems fitting that the robots would go out in a bang.” My spies in the main robot city, Eden, informed me two days ago that the first cyborg hunters’ field trials were starting in a week, and that meant the robots will no longer be needed because then they can just sacrifice the cyborgs to do their dirty work.

               The camp was a complete disaster. Several tents were lit on fire and the livestock was slaughtered. I gritted my teeth and let out a breath through my nose in frustration. Even though this had been a successful decoy, I still hadn’t wished for our already decreasing number of livestock to be sacrificed. My advisors all convinced me that the more animals we put here the more the robots wouldn’t suspect this was a mere decoy. I knew they were right, but they didn’t have to worry about the people blaming them for their lack of food.

               I pushed a hand through my short spiky hair and raked it back roughly. Asher’s tone softened when he realized my distress. “You did the right thing. It was successful.” He sighed and let his hands drop to his sides. “Come on, Jax, don’t beat yourself up over a few dead pigs.”

               “They are not just a few dead pigs!” I exploded and just barely caught myself. I glanced around and was relieved to find everyone rummaging through the tents for their lost weapons and no one was paying attention to their angry leader and his second-in-command. I lowered my voice to a whisper and bit off each word, “The people are getting upset. They always wanted to live, not survive, and I promised them that. He promised them that. Now they are barely even surviving! Don’t tell me I’m doing the right thing when I clearly am not.” My fists were clenched together so tightly I was sure I drew blood. Even though my anger was directed at Asher, he and I both knew that I was truly angry with myself.

               “Jax, no one is complaining about the food. Our underground plantation is doing fine, and people can live off meat for a few days. We’ll go on a hunting trip later tonight if that makes you feel better.” Asher reasoned with me, but it went through one ear and flew out the other. 

               I cast him a dark look and said, “It wouldn’t make me feel better. I want them to be happy. I want them to have the luxury to not worry whenever we ate meat for a meal. Besides, it's too risky to hunt tonight. We'll go tomorrow.” I muttered the last bits more to myself as a note than to him. Of course Asher already knew that.

               Asher frowned.“You know that can’t happen right now," he replied evenly, referring to what I said before. "We are surviving, Jax. There is a robot apocalypse going on right now." He jabbed his finger toward the dead robot on the ground next to us as if trying to get me to understand the situation we were in. "We are in no condition to afford luxury. You know that yourself.” I could tell he was trying not to glare at me, but the darkness in his usually light and happy blue eyes was a sign that I was being a whiny b***h.

               I must’ve looked pretty scary myself because before I could force my head out my a*s and apologize, Asher beat me to it.

               “You’re right, I’m sorry,” Asher said gently. He scanned our surroundings too and breathed out sadly. 

               I internally punched myself in the face for taking my anger out on him. He felt just as responsible for our people as I did, even though he didn’t have to. That was Asher; always carrying the burden of others on his back. Besides, he was completely right and I was being frustrating and unreasonable. I didn’t deserve him.

               “No, I’m not. I’m sorry. I just�"” I cut myself off before I could finish my complaint. My father’s voice rang in my mind. One day when you lead, Jax, be sure to never show weakness in front of your followers. How can they believe in you when you don’t even believe in yourself? It was cliché and my father said he read a variation of that quote from a book he used to tote around everywhere. But he claimed there was truth in those words, and I believed him. I always did.

               Asher patted my shoulder in understanding. Ever since Asher’s father and my father were abducted by the robots and turned into one of them, we’d become closer than ever. We weren’t exactly best friends anymore. We were brothers. We relied on each other and always had one another’s backs. But I still inherited the full leadership because my father was the leader of our ragged band of human survivors, and he did a damn good job at it.

               “You still haven’t answered me,” Asher said suddenly as we stood side by side, looking at the ruined camp. I breathed in and bit my lip in a nervous habit. “What happened back there with that bot?”

               For some reason, I never told Asher about my experiments on the machines’ emotions. I didn’t want him to worry, and I didn’t want to give him false hope. The night our fathers were kidnapped, we hid on a tree and didn’t dare move a muscle for fear of the crazy senses the robots had would detect us and drag us off with them. We were just kids �" I was barely fifteen and Asher was fourteen, when the robots attacked our hunting group and took all five men. Asher and I were on a big oak tree at the time. We were supposed to be scouts and looking for robots in case any caught us by surprise in the forest. We were too busy fighting over who got the binoculars and that costed five men their human lives.

               Asher and I made an unvoiced pact to never argue again, and when we did, we’d always make up in an instant. Most people would’ve blamed each other for the mistake, but we couldn’t lose anyone else. We were all each other had. I treated Asher like a little brother and would do anything to protect him. That includes my secretive plans to try and bring a robot or a cyborg back to who they once were. I didn’t want him to worry about the crazy things I’d do and had done to further this experiment.

               “Nothing,” I said with a straight face, “My hand just slipped and I nearly dropped my dagger. Small mistake.”

               Asher eyed me suspiciously and I held my breath. His suspicious look finally faded after three long seconds and his expression turned chastising. “Yeah, sure, a small mistake that could’ve cost you your life. Ya gotta be more careful Jax,” he said as he picked up his dagger and wiped the blood on his pants. Even though robots had machines as brains, the rest of them �" unless they had machine body parts too, were completely human. And that meant they bled just as much as we did when we shot or stabbed them.

               I breathed a small sigh of relief and my lips quirked up in a lopsided grin. “I know you got my back, Ash,” I said lightly and slapped his back while walking towards a burning tent where people were trying to put the fire out with buckets of water.

               “And I got your brain, too, it seems,” I heard him mutter from behind me as he followed me to help put out the fire. My grin widened and I wondered how long our light-hearted moods would last tonight.

 

               ♠

 

WE WERE GATHERED around a round table after a mainly vegetarian dinner. Asher was standing on my left side and our fathers’ close friend and trusty advisor, Mason, who had sworn to help me was on my right. Ten men and women leaned over the table, carefully scrutinizing the map laid out in front of us.

               The map was a rough sketch our spies in Eden had put together. The main buildings and roads were pretty accurate on the map, but my eyes were only set on the Cyborg Hunter Academy that they just built almost four years ago. The person �" the cyborg I was dead-set on experimenting on was in that academy. Every fiber of me yearned to track down my father and try bringing him back instead, but luckily the rational part of me was bigger than the reckless one and I told myself every day that bringing back a cyborg would be easier than bringing back a robot, and if I were to achieve my ultimate goal I had to start out small.

               “Alright, so we’ll station Brian and his squad at the Hunter Academy�"”

               I cut off Mason before he could finish and said briskly, “No, Kris will stay there. He knows the area the best.”

               Asher raised an eyebrow and shot me a questioning look while Mason frowned in confusion. “Yes, but the campus has been mapped out well enough,” he said, gesturing at the map in front of us, “and Brian and his squad are the fastest at dispatching and getting information at a frantic time. This is a crucial moment, Jaxon.”

               I bit my bottom lip and was about to look for another argument when Kris came bursting through the front doors, followed by two nervous guards that were supposed to man the doors. All eyes turned to the young spy.

               “I’m sorry, sir, but he�"” I waved off one of the guards’ sputters and focused on Kris, who was panting and holding his stomach.

               “What is it?” I asked him as I took quick long strides to stand directly in front of him. I gasped when I saw the hand clutching his stomach. 

               It was black with blood, but Kris stared at me straight in the eye and said in a low voice that only I could hear, “They took her.”

               Before I could ask him what he meant, he coughed and spat some blood onto the floor. “The Organization. She’s working for them now, I think.”

“What do you mean? Where did you see her? How do you know?” I asked frantically in an equally low voice. I could feel everyone in the room buzzing with questions and confusion, and I knew Asher would grill me on what happened later after the whole ordeal, but I also knew he was keeping the council from interrupting me and Kris.

               Kris drew in another heavy breath, and I hurriedly grabbed a chair and motioned for him to sit. As he sat, he said quietly, “I saw her pack up her things then she got into an Organization pod.”

               “What about the crane? And what happened to you? Were you caught?” I couldn’t help but let the questions pour out.

               “She took the crane and put it in her pocket,” Kris said, wracking in another breath. From behind me, I can hear Asher calling for a medic and I once again thanked the heavens that he was here with me. “One of the guards caught me, but don’t worry,” he quickly said when he caught my worried expression, “I took care of it. No one else saw me.”

               I didn’t trust that. Eden was the most secured place on Earth right now. I was surprised we hadn’t been caught earlier. But I didn’t tell Kris that, and instead I left him to the paramedics who carried him out in a stretcher despite his resistance.

               When the doors closed, I turned around to face the council. Nine pairs of eyes stared back at me. Some had suspicious looks on their faces, while most were clearly confused. I sighed and said loudly, “Okay, Brian and his squad will cover the academy. We’ll also post a squad by the gates. I wanted Brian’s squad to be there, but this can work too.” 

               The looks of suspicion vanished as soon as I explained myself, but Asher and Mason still had obvious questions on their faces. I gave them both a look that said to let it rest for now. The meeting closed soon after we went over a few more things, and I rushed to the only place where I could calm down.

               I headed towards the main gates and nodded in acknowledgment at the guards on the nightshift. “Just going to check on something up at the watchtower,” I explained hurriedly to them, not waiting for an answer. They never answered anyway, so that either meant they already knew I was bullshitting or they were simply convinced.

               I ran up the stairs as soon as I got to the tall and slender tower and after looking around in paranoia like a thief in the night, I climbed out the window and crawled out onto the ground. I breathed in deeply and closed my eyes as I did so. The crisp sounds of crickets chirping filled my ears and brought a subconscious smile to my face. I haven’t been out here for only a week, but the lack of fresh air had already taken its toll on me. I filled my lungs and almost moaned in pleasure at the fresh scent of pine. I was very grateful that we lived tucked away safely under the ground in strong barricades and we have our own artificial sunlight and backup oxygen producer. It was also hard to tell the difference between the world on top and the world below until I looked up and saw a rocky ceiling instead of the stars in the sky, and I was very proud of the underground city my father and I and several others had built together from scratch. Despite all that, I still wished we could live on top again.

               I missed the way the light breeze brushed my skin and ruffled my hair, and sometimes the stuffiness underground got too noticeable and reminded me that we were refugees. The older council members including my father disagreed with me and the younger people that we should be fighting back instead of hiding. I let out a short, hard laugh. It hardly mattered now. They were right. It was impossible to save humankind and I was just lost in wishful thinking. And yet...

               Remembering I was supposed to be relaxing, I pushed all my thoughts away and opened my eyes instead. I glanced around again, hoping no one saw me. Then, I covered the window with some moss and leaves so it looked more like a mound of grass and I ran off without looking back.

               After sprinting for ten whole minutes, my thighs and calves begged for mercy and I almost collapsed when I reached my destination. I didn’t want to risk the bots detecting me in case they were venturing out here again like four years ago. I pushed the thought away and instead admired the beautiful sight in front of me. A small lake glistened in the moonlight, and the splashing of the tiny waterfall muted the sounds of my heartbeat. I stripped off my clothes and hid them under a rock before diving smoothly into the icy water. The coldness kissed my skin and refreshed me. I swam deeper and deeper until I reached a dark opening of a cave. I swam into the cave and broke through the surface a few seconds before my lungs would’ve started hurting.

               I pulled myself onto the sleek and mossy stone floor and breathed in deeply, savoring the dewy scent of nature. In the cave, my thoughts were scattered but I was calm. This was the only place where I could I stop my train of thoughts and simply relax. The loud waterfall was like a lullaby to me, and I’ve fallen asleep here on more than one occasion and had given Asher several heart attacks. Grinning at the memory, I checked my watch and realized that I would be giving Asher another heart attack if I didn’t get back soon. It was almost midnight, and that was the curfew Asher had set for me. Deciding that I didn’t want to be a pain in the a*s to him tonight, I dove back into the crisp water and swam to shore.

               When I got back to my room in the underground city, I took a shower and turned the water temperature to a searing hot temperature in hopes of distracting me from the questions and problems that had immediately come flooding back to me right after I left my safe haven. I was beginning to worry just as much as Asher did. I was supposed to be the carefree and reckless one, and Asher was supposed to be the sensible and worrying one. Somehow, the balance has been tipped over the past four years. But maybe this is growing up, I thought ruefully as I wrapped a towel around my hips, we realize that the world is not fit for people who are full of life, and so we trim our spirits to fit the world.

               It was a depressing thought, and I’ve got better things to worry about. I towel-dried my short dark hair, tossed on some clothes, and stared at myself in the mirror. Tire forest-green eyes stared back at me, and I hadn’t realized my jaw was clenched tightly. My short dark-brown hair was damp and stuck up in odd angles. I looked tired. I felt tired. Don’t I look like the model leader? I thought sarcastically. As soon as I let that thought slip, my father’s face flashed in my head. He was the image of leadership. His salt-and-pepper hair was neatly brushed to the side and the creases by eyes were laugh lines. His strong brown eyes were confident and welcoming, and his smile was full and promising. Suddenly, glaring red eyes replaced his warm brown eyes and I flinched back. I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head to rid myself of that image.

               When I opened my eyes to stare at the mirror again, my green eyes looked black. I felt a burning sensation in the pit of my stomach, and my heart pumped excitedly. Hate. I hated the robots. I hated them for what they did to my father. What they did to her. I hated them. My hands clenched so tightly that I felt blood trickling down my fingers. Hate was an exhilarating feeling. I suddenly felt as if I could throw a train across the world. I felt as if I could storm into Eden and destroy every last building in there. All of a sudden, I thought of her. I never asked Kris what color her eyes were now. I wasn’t sure if I could. But now I wished I had because a new source of hate surged through my veins. I hated the people who took her away. I hated not knowing whether she was curable or not. I hated the thought of her eyes being as cold and red as theirs. Hate is a powerful emotion that can drive people to do wild things. I made another vow to myself as I stared at myself in the mirror, my shoulders heaving up and down in rage. I will avenge you. I will avenge both of you.

               I wasn’t quite sure what I meant myself, but I knew the feeling was true and I would do anything in my power to save my father and her and then killing the robots. Our plan had never been to overthrow the robots. It had been to merely coexist �" albeit secretly, but still live as peacefully as possible. I wanted to change that plan now. We needed to fight back. We needed to avenge them. I needed to avenge them.