Disembodied Purple: Chapter One

Set in the future, a man with nothing to hold on to, contemplates his place on his way home from killing a man.

 

 

Chapter One

“One night awaits all, and deaths path must be trodden by all.”

Horace

 

 

 

 

The light shined upon the corpse as if in the single act of illuminating it could bring him back to life, thus it was unsuccessful. I cannot be sure how long I stared upon the newly dead, but it was a considerable amount of time. A moat of rain water, urine, and other unknown liquids of the night had begun to form around him, and so did the creatures of the dark alley. The smoking weapon of death rest appeased in my non-trembling hand. It had done it's duty, and for now it was satisfied. I put it away, there would be another day soon for it to feed.

I bent down towards the slain corpse and flipped him around. The creatures scattered, and they looked back at me with their shiny eyes with a mixture of anger and fear. I removed the cell phone that lay in my coat pocket and took a picture and clicked send on the name of he who wanted it done. When this was completed I proceeded to destroy the phone, and leave it's corpse near the other. Stood back up, dusted myself off, and left the alley for my work there was now no more.

The year is now 2709, and in a few days it will be 2710, and the world is very excited, but I find it hard to be merry in what the world has been reduced to over the past centuries. My name is Disembodied Purple, and this is my tale. You may feel that my name is a peculiar one, but you may find that little of the world you know remains. So sit back, enjoy the present, because what I'm about to tell you does not await you, but those who come after you. Alright, lets begin.

I work in the town of New Victoria, located in some part of what used to be your Europe, and I'm a professional killer. The town of New Victoria has a population of thirty seven million people, and is twenty times the size of your modern day Tokyo. Plenty of people that need my services. My phone begins to ring, this is one that I do not destroy for it gives me my work. I answer it quickly.

“Yes, you have reached Purple.” I claim

“Hello Mr. Purple. My name is Rutherford Ostervolga, and I need your immediate assistance.”

“Yes, what do you need of me Mr. Ostervolga?”

“It's my wife Mr. Purple, her name is Nika Ostervolga, and I want her killed.”

Many had a problem killing women, I on the other hand did not mind, a body is a body, don't care of it had breasts or a dick, they all die the same, just collapse differently.

“Yes Mr. Ostervolga, send me her holo-data, and I'll take a look, if I deem it worthy you will hear from me by noon tomorrow, if I deem it not, you will never hear this voice again.” I replied killing the connection.

I made it back to my car and got inside. Now you are probably thinking that by this year we will all be in floating cars like in some sci-fi film, but I'll have to disappoint you, regular cars, just slicker looking and new fuel source after the oil wars of 2245.

I just sat there. I wait for the adrenaline in my body to die down after a kill. I find doing so allows me to make more intelligent decisions. I look down to see that I have carried an erection since the killing. Now many of my fellow assassins will masturbate after a job to relieve that, but I just wait for it to die down in time, don't want to exert the energy in case I need it. It only takes a few minutes but I start calming down, I put the keys in, and I start home, to the outskirts of New Victoria..

The man I just murdered was one Ostentatious Frost, and he was contracted by someone he worked with, and I believe they wanted Frost out of the way so they could take his job at the law firm they both worked for. I have killed for less, and I have killed for more, it depends on how it all feels to me when I get the holo-data. The one for Rutherford's wife should be waiting for me when I get home.

I stop for a red light, and the rain begins. I watch the kamikaze drops of rain plummet to their deaths upon my windshield. I look over my shoulder out the driver window to see a pair of lover dancing in the rain. No umbrella, her in a light dress and her man in a pair of jeans and a button shirt, and they are just dancing. Their eyes never wander from each other, and for some reason I can't take mine off them either. I barely hear the sound of the cars behind me honking me their little reminders that it's my turn to go.

Their clothes stick to their bodies as they get wet. You can tell the woman is not wearing a bra and not much for underwear either, and the man appears to be in very good shape from how the shirt clings to his chest. His arms are wrapped around her and he is swinging her around. To this they are both laughing, and I begin to cry as I drive away. I look in the rear view mirror, and follow the dancers until they vanish, along with the rain.

New Victoria is a very important city to the society we live in, so there are guard outposts near the borders, so I have to go through security checkpoints every time I wish to go home. This bothers me not, I'm not late to see anyone, for I'm always alone, again I think of the dancers. I shake it off and continue on course.

The guard is one I know well for I often go back home around this time. He doesn't ask many questions, and is probably the closest thing I have to a friend. His name is Gus Numerous, and he is a good man.

“Hey there Purple, hows the night treating?”

“Cold and unforgiving Gus, need to get home my friend.”

“I hear that. Later bud.”

Now the checkpoints are a large electronic force shield that will kill your car and render you incapacitated if you try to drive through it. The field vanished and Gus waved me through. I never smiled with Gus cause I knew no matter how much I might like him, I could probably kill him if I had to, and this was a thought I did not enjoy.

Outside the city was nothing but dark forest, and my soul felt rest here. The windows go down and I take it all in, only here is where I know happiness, and I find the smile that usually eludes me. My house is well hidden off the side of the road. Only I know where it is located, and the last person besides me to set foot into it died years ago, and it was by my hand that it was done. I make it home and evacuate the vehicle. I lock it, and walk up the stairs to my house, which looks very small on the outside, and this is because, much like an iceberg, the majority of it is located underground.

I enter the facade and open the trap door, and take the stairs down to my abode, my sanctuary. There, in the holo-viewer, is the data, and I sit down to look at it.

Author's Note

An original piece from me, and I haven't done a piece in a while, hope you enjoy. If you do there will be more to come.

Reviews

[Lynx]

Well, it wasn't exactly what I was looking for for the contest, but I find this piece to be really interesting.

Most assassin stories/movies see the person from an outside point of view. And even if it was from the inside point, they aren't the bad ones, they're usually the 'good' hitmen/women, if that is possible, who kill for justice instead of money.

The part with the dancers really catch my attention. It seems as if your character probably has a lot more to say than what he does reveal. Although, in that situation a person like him would usually try to avoid tears.

I also find the text a bit too descriptive. It draws a very distinctive picture, with a surreal atmosphere, but I find I could have done without knowing about the man's 'erection', if it isn't just my own opinion. But, it doesn't seem too necessary for the story. I find the words and phrasing too well thought through, that it doesn't really seem natural, it feels like more of an extremely calculated piece rather than creative writing.

I hope that my comments could be constructive, help in any way. Thanks for the submission!

-Lynx

[S. Liberace]

i enjoyed the kind of character you used in this, and i also liked the setting you put the story into. however, although i see much potential, i also see that some work needs to be done.
i noted that many sentences were run-on and some grammar was incorrect. i don't think i saw any spelling mistakes, which is good, however there was one mishap which was consistent: "it's" as a possessive. "it's" is generally used as a contraction for "it is", but as a possessive it is "its".
other than that, i also found an unfortunate sci-fi clich�. it is around the 2700s, why haven't cars changed at all? what about language? i'm glad that you at least changed some of the geography (new victoria, for instance), however, not much has been noted besides that. it's okay to have a minimal amount of change, but explain why that is. perhaps corruption prevented it? why is it the way it is? the sci-fi clich� is that it's a futuristic world that hasn't changed much from the past.
also, tell us why he would get an erection after having killed somebody. (also, is killing legal? it seems like he's never been caught before. does he have a "license to kill"? is he methodical when killing so he doesn't get caught at it?) maybe he gets aroused from murder? is he a sociopath, or is he simply desensitized? we see him cry when he observes two lovers dancing in the rain, why is that so? does he want love? or is he sickened by it? of course, the first person perspective gives us much insight into what the character is like, but most of the time it seems he is objectively speaking, not subjectively analyzing.
not only is he speaking in the first person, but he also is speaking to a reader who seems to have come from our time. why doesn't he tell us why people's names are different?
when creating another universe, always keep in mind the question "why are things this way? why should they be this way?", in order to avoid flaws. when people read your work, you want to be able to explain things, but not make it sound too overwhelming or boring. you want to be able to make it developed so that your readers are satisfied with the amount of effort you put into it.
if you believe the idea is good, shape it into perfection! this does have good potential. hopefully my review will help you some. if i came off as rude or anything, i don't mean to -- i only want the best for your development as a writer. =)
thanks for submitting!