Young Fair

This was influenced by Edgar Allan Poe's "Anabelle Lee". But in this poem, the lass is named Young Fair. There is a mystery in her disappearance. That question is left unanswered in this poem.

Young Fair, what time did we not spare,

In the youthful light of our dear affair?

Not in seconds - no! Nor in count of hours;

But in dreams, the childish dreams of ours,

For which we exhausted all our powers,

Only to renew again like gentle flowers.

Hath God forged on earth a lovelier pair,

Sweeter than that of mine and Young Fair?

But in the midst, in the mist approaching,

The stars in Heaven were all conspiring,

Plotting our love’s doom, indeed despising;

And we knew not of this secret planning.

They marked a date - one written by Fate;

A chilling October morning, I lost my mate,

Did my darling rise early or I awake too late?

I searched, left trackless the trail and rate,

Calling her name, “Young Fair! Young Fair,

Speak, oh speak, do tell if thou art there!”

Hopes ran through day to day, day and night,

And still my Young Fair is nowhere in sight;

Wondering, pondering over my lover’s flight,

I lost my sense for the good and the right.

Cold silence led me to the Devil’s black lair,

And there, alas, I fell and wept to my despair;

Our old wishes and fantasies, the torment be,

And painful, so aching, the loss and memory,

The love nourished by my Young Fair and me,

Has withered into a most hapless history.

Now I can only feel the tear I cannot repair,

And weep all my life to the name: Young Fair.

 

 

Author's Note

If there is something wrong with this piece, please let me know. I am desperate to improve my writing. :)

Reviews

[R J Askew]

I esp like the last eight lines and the sense of despair and loss there. Well done.

[Davey Jones]

nice rymheing at the end

[Summer D.]

Extremely envious. In a respectful, writer-to-writer sort of way. As far as that goes.
Your Author's Note deterred me from my usual lazy bout of pointing out the pros in writing. There wasn't much that I could see, that I didn't like.

The stars in Heaven were all conspiring,


Plotting our love’s doom, indeed despising;


And we knew not of this secret planning.


You were doing fantastic. Reading it out loud is truly something to behold. That last line is fine, but.... I suppose it lost the rhyming scheme. It was a dramatic build up that sort of fell flat at that last line. If you can think of another way to phrase this sentence, with the rhyming factor, I think it would help. I don't follow the rules (I have serious issues with that... but I will do so if absolutely necessary) but I think it helps to stay a little consistent.

"Cold silence led me to the Devil’s black lair"
"And there, alas, I fell and wept to my despair;"

Meh, dramatic and nice enough but it doesn't fit- In my personal opinion. Of course, in certain parts of the poem you drop the rhyming scheme and quickly continue it... but I don't think this was the right part.

" Cold silence led me to my blight....."

[Tenebrousoul]

Great job. I loved this!

[dan nacario]

..i think this piece is awesome..great story and good choice of words..

[hayleee.]

Lovely... just, lovely. I enjoyed the wording of it.. its very well written. beautiful.
Nice Write.

[Rene Velez]

Actually the poem is well written and the rhyme scheme sublime, this is nice work.

[Alana McGuire]

This is really, really lovely and well written! I love your style :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed this poem. You did justice to a old poem. I had to read a few time for the pleasure of the language and the good description. No weakness in this amazing poem. Thank you.
Coyote