Downpour--un Attacco di Solitudine(an onslaught of Loneliness)

English translations off to the side.

Droplets drum on her skin

Lei immagina una tempesta di baci (She imagines a storm of kisses)

 

 

Wind glides around her hips

Si sente una dolce carezza (She feels a gentle caress)

 

 

The bellowing thunder rattles her core

Ma tutto quello che sente è voce tonante di un uomo (But all she hears is a man's booming voice)

 

 

Slivers of lightning shatter the sky

Lei li vede come la scintilla nei suoi occhi (She sees them as the sparkles in his eyes)

 

 

The storm-saturated air smells of him

L'uomo nato da anni di solitudine (The man born from years of loneliness)

 

 

She hopes that it will flood

Significa il suo amore versando in lei (It signifies his love pouring into her)

 

 

Tiny ribbons of water trail down her body

Come polpastrelli morbidi che esplorano un territorio incontaminato  (Like soft fingertips exploring an untouched territory)

 

 

Beneath the thunderheads she doesn't feel so alone

Proteggono lei come le braccia farebbe (They protect her like his arms would)

 

 

The downpour hugs her tighter than any past heartbreak could

Perché solo l'immaginazione pu™ dare un lieto fine (Because only the imagination can give you a happy ending)

 

 

When the sun comes out she'll kiss him goodbye

e lei si prepara ad amarlo nei suoi sogni (and prepare to love him in her dreams)

 

 

Because although her heart's battered beyond repair

Lei sa meglio di lasciare che l'amore muore

(She knows better than to let love die)

Author's Note

If you are fluent in Italian please point out any errors. Even if not, please leave thoughts.

Reviews

[Relic]

You are one good poet, this was written so well. Great poem.

[Knightingale]

My Italian is terrible, so I can't say whether this is good. I can say it reads well tho. A lovely poem. If it was French I could offer more advice lol

[James E. Peterson]

I love the imagery and the bilingualism. Nice work.

[Simon Welsh]

I like this... but the small typeface made it difficult to read. However, I loved the imagery of raindroplets evoked :)

[Luna Evangeline]

Thank you.

[Astro]

For me, and correct me if I'm wrong, I hear a passionate tale of Mother Earth and her brief but torrential affair with the rainstorm. She alive in the sun but appreciative of the rain, and the rain never loved only tolerated moving on with the wishes of the world lonely. Mother Earth wise knows not to dwell in the rain, nor does she banish it, but with a kiss let's it know it felt it's love. If this is what you were going for, then I think it is a beautiful story and with a nice touch of adding the dual languages to offset the separation between characterizations and to enhance the emotion. If I'm way off the mark, it may be because I've had too many drinks and got lost somewhere along the way. In that case...tear me a good one, or ignore me, it's all good right about now.

[Luna Evangeline]

That's about right, actually. Thanks for the review.

[Astro]

No prob, clever format.

[Divyanshu Kachhap]

Nice poem :) Really a nice way to execute a poem :D

[Luna Evangeline]

Thanks.

[Trigorin]

Your concept is a little simple, but you've made up for that with your imagery and the feeling behind the poem. Depending on whether or not you wrote the Italian first and translated it afterwards, or vice versa, one thing to keep in mind is to translate to the intent, not to the meaning, if you understand my distinction. Just food for thought. Good work.

[Luna Evangeline]

Thank you. I am better with French than I am Italian but it seemed to be the best language for the piece. I appreciate the advice. Thanks again for the thoughts.

[Baby Ricochet]

I want to eat my way across Italy

[Luna Evangeline]

You and me both.