You have that gift of painting vivid scenes through your words. While this piece broke my heart, i can say that this is beautifully penned. Very touching piece.
A very moving poem. I remember reading 'The Little Match Girl' as a child and being struck by the ending. Your poem is equally striking and moving. The (almost) beauty with which you describe death makes the reality even more hard-hitting and poignant.
I understand the poem. When we learn. Every person is different. We will understand our world. I lost two brothers to suicide in 1987 and 1988. They didn't have the strength to face the world. Hid behind drugs and violence. We need to slow down our world. Maybe a few kind words can make someone know hope and chance. No weakness in the poem. You open a door to a long and sad discussion. Thank you for the outstanding poetry.
Coyote
I think that your poem does a good job of bringing the plight of poverty to the forefront. When I was in San Fransisco recently I saw mothers clutching babies on two different street corners begging. It was heartbreaking. The busy city was just passing them by. What will become of those children?
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Child Protection Service is a flop. Their social workers are laden down with 50+ cases each. These c.. read moreChild Protection Service is a flop. Their social workers are laden down with 50+ cases each. These children will either grow up just like their mothers, or perhaps on the extremely off chance they'll work to make a name for themselves.. In this child's case--as many turn out-- they just die.
If there is such a thing as 'idealistic' views of poverty, I think this poem is an example of what that would be. There's nothing wrong with your poem, it raises questions about society and how we treat each other. It's just the 'idealistic' nature of some of your subjects plight that I disagree would happen. If you've ever been homeless, you know that many of the people living in the street, haven't even got hope. When they pass out cold and hungry, they don't always find themselves in a better place, in fact, they don't sleep well at all, and many of their dreams are nightmares, that they wake up from sweating and shaking and don't know where they are. In the gutter, always in the gutter. Lastly, this is an idealistic view because, it is a very western sort of description, whereas, the same scenario would play out completely different, say in the streets of Mumbai, or somewhere in the Congo. I think you could easily put more thought into this piece and build a more universally understood example and strengthen even further your overall message, that there are people out there all over that could use a hand, and to not be so selfish when we encounter them. This is my favorite line in your poem, "He's just a child, stubby fingers caked in grime
brushing the heels of fat, well-fed figures passing on the street." because it is the only part that to me rings true.
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
99% of the homeless people I encounter don't have hope. They're most often clinically insane. But th.. read more99% of the homeless people I encounter don't have hope. They're most often clinically insane. But this boy.... I saw it in his eyes. The light. I could just tell that he prays at night.
11 Years Ago
I try to only write about things that I have experience with. Have I ever been out east? No. Do I ha.. read moreI try to only write about things that I have experience with. Have I ever been out east? No. Do I have any experience whatsoever with homeless people in Mumbai? No. So I try not to form any wildly misinformed opinions. Thank you for the critique. I truly appreciate it.
11 Years Ago
Well my friend, I can understand why you would want to write what you see and know to be. There's n.. read moreWell my friend, I can understand why you would want to write what you see and know to be. There's nothing wrong with that too. Let's hope your curbside inspiration finds a helping hand and a better way.
Not so, for you have given him a place in history and eternity.
11 Years Ago
I wish every homeless child had that opportunity.
11 Years Ago
I wish, wordsmiths like you could inspire the world to lift them from the streets and give them shel.. read moreI wish, wordsmiths like you could inspire the world to lift them from the streets and give them shelter of their own.
This poor boy Doesn't have a chance does he? Despite that innocence and hope, he will grow up to be a defeated soul... Just my thought in the moment after a drive past the worn down broken ones that live on the streets of LA, those who I passed today... Just glad I didn't see any children. Sad thoughts, in this poem...
We live in a country where the prevailing mood of a great many people is if you're poor it's your fault. Sometimes that's true but often times it isn't. Being born into poverty is a hard circumstance to overcome. Even in the land of milk and honey.
I like this a lot. You really painted a picture with your words here, and that is the type of poetry that I like to read. I don't necessarily always love the "pretty" and "hopeful", sometimes we need to write the real, you know? Be honest and if what is real at the time is somber or dirty, or whatever, then so be it.