October

January never said a word to me
but I loved him all the same.
Seems stupid now.

February passed with a condescending smile before attending to more
pressing
matters.

Matters pressed through March, marching like wind-up soldiers
fighting the most 
impossible 
battle.

Battling monsters through April.
Yes the showers do come.
But they don't bring flowers.
They bring the
fallout.

My words - fall out - my lungs - fall out - my mind - falls out - my heart -
folds in.

Adverse to sound of the word love,
the very pronunciation an abomination.
Love is a corpse.

The summer is frozen, warmth forgotten. My skin burns and flushes.
But my heart dips deep into my insides and hides like wintertime.

They both sting.

I wander the trails of August, paths untouched.
Finding the answer should have been simply but nothing
is
simple
anymore.

September simply drowns me.
My mouth fills with the sea and I want to choke it up
in a choked up confession that crashes
on your crystalline shore like a tsunami.

I want to bury September in the desert
just to make him feel
as lonely as
                                                                                      I
                       do.

October saved my life.
My love,
where has God been hiding you?

Heart wide as the fiery twin oceans
that linger in my direction for just
one moment too long.
Voice as warm as the hands
that praise the Father with such gifted lungs,
such clean, gifted lungs.

What God breathes in October,
October breathes back to me.
And then he breathes in
I breathe in
God breathes in
all at once.
New, refreshed.
Breathe out once more October.
Your lungs belong to the Holy One.