The Hungry Monster

A very greedy monster.

There lived a monster

Who could not ever feed

His unending hunger

Or black heart full of greed.

 

He wandered alone

Until he did arrive

Upon a small town

Whose friendly people thrive.

 

They offered to cure

His misfortune unfair.

In order to ensure

Success, they asked the mayor.

With wealth unending

He was sure he could feed

The monsters unceasing

Hunger and endless greed.

 

He then threw a feast

So he could satiate

The voracious beast

Unthanking as he ate.

 

Soon the food was gone,

But his hunger was not

So he set upon

A town that was now fraught.

 

There was the baker

Who he ate with a crunch,

And little Aker,

His favorite to munch.

 

When they were all gone

He stopped to realize

He was all alone,

No one to hear his cries.

Author's Note

I was going for a creepy children's book feel. Reviews good or bad are welcome.

Reviews

[Terry Jarbo]

I read your reviews - so what did you do with this writting ?

Have you read it to any kids you know if so what was their response?

Terry

[Robert James Parfett]

Suffiently creepy. Nice work

[Royce P. Hunt]

It actually gave me goosebumps at a point! love your use of vocabulary :) well job done! (Y)

[Katie Bieker]

I wish there was one more stanza. Is he crying because he realizes his greed and hungry has left him with nothing or because he's still greedy and hungry and wants more? Since it's for kids, it might be nice to resolve that... but I like the language and the creep factor.

[Dr. Wood ?]

yeah, I agree with paige there...It needs tightening up a little
There lived a monster
who could not feed
his endless hunger
or heart of greed

He wandered alone
until he arrived
upon a small town
where people did thrive

[Brittany]

Not too creepy, but it was read by children, then it would be just right. I think you did a nice job but the flow seemed a little off. Count syllables?

[afra]

OMG i love this type of poems ...good job

[Royce P. Hunt]

They you will love my poem struggling to find no one else but myself, give it a go :) please read review and share, i'm new

[demureminds]

I felt bad for the monster at first, but then, yeah nevermind haha.
And to your note: it did have the elements of a children's book. Very light and amusing as well a great message.

[Pax]

Yup, its not that creepy a little maybe, its just sad and true that greed can makes us alone.