Twisted Fate Chapter 1

Kaleigh Wilson & Aiden Hale leave their hometown, Sunset Avenue to attend college in a larger city in Florida.

Chapter 1: Farewell
"I cant believe I am even going on with this charade." I thought. I couldn't believe I agreed to do this for my mom. I looked into the mirror and my reflection stared back at me.
   I had curled my long, light brown hair. I was fairly normal for a 18 year old woman. I had fair skin, I was of average height, I had a small group of friends at school.
   My green eyes stared back at me. The reflection reminded me of why I dreaded this day so much. I did not want to go. I saw myself in a slinky, shiny, pink dress. Yes, I had let my mom talk me into this.
   I was letting my mom talk me into alot of things lately. All she had to do was say one little phrase and my choice was made for me, out of guilt. She would say, "Kaleigh, we don't have much time left. Afterall, you are going to be 5 hours away from me. I will never get to see you."
   So I have been doing alot of things lately for my mom. I have been giving her " precious memories" as she calls them, including going to Prom tonight. She has been making me feel guilty about leaving her, so I have been letting her have her way.
   Most teenage girls liked getting makeovers and picking a pretty dress out. Maybe if I had a boyfriend to share the enjoyment with, I would enjoy the process more. Most of the boys at school are too immature for me, so I just stayed single and I liked it that way.
   Luckily my best guy friend, Aiden Hale, volunteered to be my date. I definitly did not want to go to Prom alone. Aiden wasn't like most of the other guys at school. He was very mature and he would be a catch for any girl. He had short, blode hair that he spiked everyday, he had piercing blue eyes, was tall, and had a great personality.
   Everyone has encouraged me to date Aiden. However, Aiden and I are best friends. He is like a big brother to me. I could never imagine dating him or even feeling that way for him. I talked to it with Aiden once before and he agreed with me, that it would be best that we stayed friends, a relationship would just destroy that friendship.
   Still, it doesn't stop this small town from spreading gossip. Everyone suspects that Aiden and I are in love with each other and dating. Once someone even told my mom that Aiden had a room with pictures of me and personal objects of mine. That sounds like something out of a horror movie. My mom laughed it off and even teased that Aiden sees me enough in person and wondered why he would want to go home and stare at me all night.
    That is why I am so happy that I am leaving. I am looking forward to leaving this town. I am ready to be living in a place where no one knows me or my mom. I am only a few weeks away from my own freedom. My mom is sad about me leaving for college, but I can tell that she will be ok. She is already making plans to keep herself busy, like the new flower garden she is planning to start.
    I heard a knock on the door. I knew who it was, it was almost time for us to leave. I heard mom tell Aiden to come inside the house. I took one more quick glance in the mirror, my hair still looked nice so I proceeded to leave the bathroom. I knew mom would want to take pictures so I needed to look the part.
     I walked down the stairs and saw Aiden standing there waiting on me. He looked handsome. He was wearing a black tux with a red tie. "Wow Kaleigh, you look beautiful." He said as he admired me walking down the stairs.
    "You're not so bad yourself." I laughed as mom ran to the kitchen to grab her camera. After what seemed like fifty pictures, I stopped mom by giving her a kiss and we walked out the door. "Lets just get this over with. We'll do a few dances then we're gonna go catch a movie. If mom asks we stayed the entire time." I schemed. Aiden laughed.
    Aiden and I arrived at the Prom. The decorations were beautiful. The Prom theme was dubbed "Once in a lifetime". We posed under the gazebo for our official Prom photo. We sat at a table and waited for a good song to come on.
    "Let's go dance on the next song, so we can get out of here." Aiden said as he winked at me. I laughed. Aiden and my thoughts were always on the same wavelegnth. He knew that this wasn't my scene and I couldn't wait to leave.
    Unfortunately, the very next song was a romantic, slow dance. How akward? Aiden and I don't feel that way about each other. But, we decided to  just get it over with so we could leave.
    " Wow Aiden, you're a great dancer." I said after he twirled me around. He smiled.
   "You're not so bad yourself." He said. We finished the dance and walked off the dance floor. We decided to just watch a movie back at Aiden's house. His dad was away on a business trip and his mom had to work the night shift, so we were alone. That meant that no one could rat me out to my mom.
    The next thing I remember is waking up. It took me a second to realize where I was. Aiden and I had fell asleep on his couch. I looked at the time. It was midnight. I was frantic, my mom would be so worried.
     I shook him. "Aiden, Aiden wake up." I screamed. He finally woke up. His hair and clothes was messy, so I straightned his tie and hair up. "C'mon we gotta go. My mom is going to kill us both."
    He quickly got up, rubbed his eyes, and grabbed his keys. "Sorry Kaleigh, maybe watching a movie in the dark, wasn't the best idea." He chuckled. We ran to his truck and he drove me home. My mom was waiting on me when I shut the door behind me.
    "How was the prom?" She asked curiously. I took in her expression, she was not mad or even worried. So I figured it would be safe to stick with a little white lie.
    " It was great, we had a fun time." I said. She smiled and yawned a little. I used her weakness and planned my escape. I yawned too. "Mom, I'm very tired. Can we talk about it in the morning?" She nodded and I drug myself up the stairs.
    Over the next few days, I was preparing for graduation. I was valedictorian for the school and worrying about writing my speech. To top that off, my mom thought it would be nice to have a congratualtory party for me & Aiden. As if the last few days of school wasn't stressful enough, my mom had to add to it.
    The last few days of school were pretty uneventful. Everyone was excited for the graduation, some were excited for the party, but most of all, the summer. This would be my last summer in Sunset Avenue. I couldn't wait for my new life to begin. I couldn't wait to leave.
   I think Aiden was as ready to leave as I was. He kept referring to "the future". He was excited. We both couldn't wait until June 15th. I think we both had it marked on our calandars. That was the first day we could move into the dorm apartments.
   The days were flying by. Finally it was graduation day. It was time to get up and get ready. I was somewhat nervous about giving my speech. I kept it simple and inspirational. I finished getting ready and waited on mom to get ready, she asked Aiden over so we could take some photos.
   I loved my mom, but she was going through alot of anxiety over me going away. Sometimes I wondered if going away to college was worth it. I just had an overwhelming feeling that there was something really special waiting on me in Sunshine Valley. So, I decided to be patient with my mom and let her deal with it in her own way.
   It was Aiden who said what I really wanted to say. But, I didn't have the heart to. "Geez Carolyn, what's with all the pictures here lately? I love you, but everytime I leave here I see three of Kaleigh." He chuckled. "It's hard enough to deal with one of her." I punched him on the shoulder and mom laughed.
    We all piled in Aiden's truck. I could tell that Mom was having a hard time, she always is emotional. So I decided to sit in the back with her.   " I am so proud of you both." She exclaimed. Aiden smiled. It wasn't very often that Aiden got praise. Aiden's parents loved him, but they were never there. His parents always worked, so my mom was sort of a parent to him. She picked up the slack from his parents.
    Then my mom said something unexpected and I could feel how worried she was. " Aiden, promise me that you will take care of Kaleigh at the college. Even if she gets mad at you, keep her protected." Had this worry been the cause of my mother's anxiety? Now that I understood her better, I could put her mind at ease. She was just worried.
    "Of course, Carolyn. You know how much I care about Kaleigh. I'm not going to let anything happen to her." Aiden soothed my mother. She seemed more at ease as we pulled into the parking lot of the school. I kissed her on the check.
   "I'll see you in there. I love you Mom." I hugged her. She waved at us as we rushed inside. I had to have a little time to prepare for reciting my speech. I used Aiden as my practice audience. I was ready to give my speech then and it was time for us to start.
   The graduation ceremony went smoothly. Everyone loved my speech. I think my mom yelled and clapped louder for me and Aiden more than any of the other parents. Graduation was over with. Aiden and I both completed school with 4.0's, recieved our diplomas, and were going to be attending college. Now it was time for our party that mom gave us.
   Mom made us go to the movie theater while she set our party up. She wanted it all to be a suprise. So Aiden and I went and watched a comedy. I always loved spending time with Aiden. He made me feel so peaceful and happy. It was great to have a best friend that understood me and was always there for me.
   After the movie, we decided to go on home for the party. As we were pulling in the driveway, I knew we were in for it. There were  vehicles surrounding my home. It looked as if mom had invited the whole town. I dreaded this party now. I knew I had to go in, so I grabbed Aiden's hand for support. I did not want to get lost in the crowd. Aiden smiled back at me, opened the door for me and let me go in first.
   Everyone yelled "Congatulations" and clapped. Mom had went all out with this event. She had got us a big cake, people brought us gifts, and we had loads of food. Mom even had home videos of me & Aiden playing on the television. The party was great. It was an honor that Mom cared so much about us.
    Much to my mom's disagreement, we helped her clean up after the party. I wanted to spend a little time with her alone before I left so I invited her to go shopping with me the next day. I was going shopping for new clothes for school. Aiden was going to spend time with his dad that day, so I thought it would be a perfect day for me and my mom to bond more. Plus I wanted to talk to her about not worrying about me so much.
    We left early that morning. It would be a long day for us. I decided to have the hardest talk first. "Mom, why are you so worried about me going away to college?" I knew that she dreaded this conversation, but it needed to be addressed.
    "Kaleigh you are my only child and things are so much  more dangerous for women your age. They can get kidnapped, raped, or even worse." She stopped, it was as if she couldn't even force herself to continue. I felt bad that we hadn't had this conversation before today.
    "Mom, I thought about this when I was looking for a college to go to. Did you know that Sunshine Valley is one of the safest and most police patrolled schools in Florida?" I asked, she looked at me suprised.
    "Even if that is true Kaleigh, those things still can happen. You still have to think safe. You have to be careful. I am so worried that you will get down there and get careless and that something will happen to you." Now I was worried about my mom. She was making this more stressful then it was.
    " Mom, I will be careful and if it makes you feel better I will call you every night. Plus Aiden is going to be very close to me there. I promise I will be very careful and aware. I wont go anywhere alone." I assured her. She looked a little more relaxed, but still looked worried. I guess that was all I could do is assure her I would be very careful.
   We pulled into the first shopping center and started our day. We spent the whole day together. Most of the day consisted of me trying on clothes. At the end of the day, I had plenty of clothes for school and a new found respect for my mom. The day was very successful.
   Mom went to fix us dinner. I went upstairs to put all my clothes away. I figured my best bet was just to fold them up and pack them since I would be leaving in a couple weeks anyway. I was almost done when the phone rang.
   "Hey Kaleigh, how'd your day go?" Of course it was Aiden. He always called or came over if we didnt see each other during the day. I thought it was sweet. It was nice to have someone just ask how my day was. There usually wasn't a day that I didn't spend with Aiden. We had already talked about how different college would be. We wouldnt see each other much because of our different schedules.
    "The day was great. Mom is still worried about college, but we talked about it." I said. Aiden knew I was worried about mom. He knew that I was all mom had left. My dad had died from a car accident last year. A drunk driver had hit him. It was very hard on me and my mom. I think my mom was really just apprehensive about being alone in the house.
    "She will come around. You just have to give her some time. Give her about a month after we leave to get adjusted and I bet she will be back to her normal self." Aiden suggested. He always knew what to say to me to calm me down.
    " I guess you're right. So how was your day?" I asked. I knew that Aiden & his dad had went fishing. They had done their own form of bonding. Usually, Aiden would eat dinner with me and my mom. However, his mom and dad had both taken some vacation time off to spend these last couple weeks with him before we left for college.
   " My day was great. Me and dad had a great day fishing. I actually ran into Melanie and Ryan. They wanted to ask if we could all come over to the pool tomorrow?" Melanie was my best girl friend and Ryan was Aiden's best guy friend. They just started dating a month ago. We all had been friends for years. It was sad that they weren't going to the same college as us.
    "I would have to ask my mom, but I'm sure she won't mind. I think it's a fantastic idea. I will ask mom and give you a call back." I hung up the phone asked mom if she cared. We ate dinner and I made plans with my friends for the next day. Of course mom had to make even bigger plans. She decided to have a cook out with the pool party.
   I had been really glad that I started tanning earlier than usual. That made my pink bikini look even better on me. I was waiting on Melanie to arrive. Aiden and Ryan were already hanging out at his place. I saw Melanie pull up in my drive way. "Girl, I haven't seen you in forever. How are you?"
       I gave her a hug. "I am great. Really excited about college. Glad you and Ryan are visiting us before we leave. It'll probably be a while before I get to come back home." We talked as we went up to my room. Melanie got ready.
    As we were walking down the stairs Melanie started talking. "You know, Ryan and I were talking the other day. We were wondering how Aiden got accepted into Sunshine Valley so quickly after you. We heard its hard to get accepted there."
    At first, I was offended. But then I could understand how that seemed weird. Last year, Aiden didn't even try at school. When I told him I was going to college, he tried harder. I inspired him and I was proud of that. "Well Aiden has tried really hard this year and graduated with a 4.0 so he could go to any college he wanted." She just shrugged it off.
    Next, I seen Aiden's truck pull up. It was time for the pool party. The first thing Aiden did was push me in the pool. As soon as he got in, I dunked him. "When you least expect it, I will get you." Aiden teased. I just splashed him with water.
   The pool party turned out nice. Mom even came out and laid in the lounge chair. It seemed that she enjoyed watching us goof off. After a few hours, Melanie and Ryan had to leave. Aiden and I just stayed in the pool, we were having too much fun.
    We got out of the pool and Aiden handed me a towel. We dryed off and sat on a lounge chair. He put some stray hairs behind my ear. "You know, I'm gonna miss this."
   I was caught a little by suprise. "What do you mean?" I didnt understand.
    "Spending time together everyday. I know we will have our studies and our own seperate lives. I'm just so used to seeing you everyday. It will be hard to get adjusted to." He said.
   I felt the same way. Even though Aiden would be a phone call away, life as we know it would be very different for us. It was sad, scary, and exciting all at the same time. "The important thing is we are just a block or two away. All you have to do is call me. This will be an exciting new experience for us both." He nodded and hugged me tight.
   Aiden and I talked for a long time. We decided that our last week should probably be spent with our parents. If we missed each other, we could see each other anytime. But, we would regret not spending time with our parents when we had the chance.
    So, I spent as much time with my mom as was possible. We went every where together. I was her shadow for that entire week. I could tell that her mind was eased about me going to college. She even offered to help me pack.
     I thought it would be an easier process to pack by myself. I had so many things to pack. I never thought I would be done. I would miss this room, my bed, the house, the pool, my friends, family, and mostly my mom.
    I never realized how much I would miss my mom until I thought about my life at the campus. My mom wouldn't be there if I needed to talk to her. I couldn't ask her what I'm doing right or wrong. I couldn't ask her how I looked or what I should do in a certain situation.
     My nerves were getting the best of me. I was nervous about school, living in a new place with new people, and the unknown. I didn't know what to expect. I would be lucky if I got any sleep tonight. I decided to take a long bath to calm my nerves.
    At the same time, I was excited. I couldn't wait to start my new life. It would be so different. A change would be good for me. I had a overpowering feeling that great things were waiting on me at Sunshine Valley. I couldn't wait to find out what those things were.
     After my bath, I ran downstairs and gave my mother a good night kiss. I went back upstairs to my bedroom. I decided to call it a night and sleep away my bad nerves. I really hoped I wasn't as nervous in the morning as I was now.
    I woke up really early and decided the best thing to calm me down was a shower. After I got out of the shower, I proceeded to get ready. As long as I was getting ready, I didn't have to think about what I was doing today. So, I done everything I could think of to keep myself busy. I blow dryed my hair, curled it, put make-up on, and put my clothes on.
     Aiden called to let me know he was on his way. This did not help my nerves at all. If anything, it made me even more nervous. I was worried about my new roomates. I hoped they liked me and that I liked them. I was nervous about how quickly I would adjust.
     My mom bragged on how pretty I looked. She just grabbed me to hug me. I thought that she would never let me go. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "Be sure to take care of yourself, be careful, and I love you."
    " I love you too Mom and I promised you I would be careful. I will call every night." She gave me a quick kiss as Aiden pulled up in the driveway. Aiden got out and went to get all my things. He was always so helpful.
    I jumped into the truck and buckled my seat belt. Mom was right by my side. I looked at her and rolled my window down. She gave me a kiss and simply said, "Remember what I told you. Be Careful. I'll miss you."
    Aiden loaded everything and jumped in the driver's side of the truck. "I'll miss you too, mom." I said. She patted my hand and walked to Aiden's side of the truck and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
    Aiden started the truck and mom stepped back a little. "Take care of my baby." I heard mom say. Aiden backed out of the drive way and I looked in the rearview mirrror until my mom's reflection disappeared.

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Author's Note

My first story; Please tell me what you think? (i.e : if the dialogue is good, is it decriptive enough? Is the flow of the story good?) Thanks.

Reviews

[Holly]

Hello again! I read chapter one a few days ago, and am finally getting around to leaving a few of the notes I thought of. Sorry it takes me soo long...I have a lot of writer friends where we exchange critiques, and it's a challenge to get to it all..

OK. So I know you said this is your first novel. I like the ideas for these characters, the names are great, and the relationship with the mother is really touching, and I feel the main character's excitement that her life is on the verge of change.

That being said, I feel like a lot of this is a little overly descriptive. There is so much going on in this chapter, I feel as if it reads like two or three chapters connected.

Also, this is more like a plot outline for your characters. You don't need to describe her Kaleigh's looks as she watches herself in the mirror. I was told in my college writing classes that this is one of the basic things beginners do. Have you heard the writing rule: Show, don't tell? It is better to show in Kaleigh's actions to give the reader a feel of what she looks like. Whether she "brushes her dark hair out of her eyes" or "nervously chews at the tangled strands of her sandy hair"...try to think of more creative ways of giving the reader a mental picture rather than just listing her physical traits as she looks in the mirror. Also, you don't have to do it all at once. Slip in a trait here and there throughout the beginning chapters, or even later. The reader's imagination fills in the blanks of what you don't get to.

That is just a few examples. I feel like you could almost start this novel with Kaleigh leaving for college. That is really the big, exciting even here. You don't have to put all the info up front. You can add the relationship she has with Aidan through their actions or dialogue with each other. Instead of telling the reader they thought about dating once and decided against it, give us that information through a conversation with them (another show, don't tell thing). Maybe at the dance?
Example:

I rested my head on Aiden's shoulder as we danced. "So where've you been hiding these moves, Kal?" He asked. "You're looking pretty fine on the dance floor."

"We've never danced before," I told him. "That might be a little too close to a romantic relationship."

"God, I shudder to think." He laughed and I punched him in the arm.

"This," I said. "Is why we'd never work out. You're too good a friend." I laughed and squeezed him tighter. I'd hate to ever lose my best friend in the world. Aiden was just too valuable to me to lose to the world of petty boyfriend drama.

It's not the best example, but I'm just throwing things together off the top of my head.

Please don't take any of this as a negative. I see so much potential and passion in your writing, and your characters have hooked me in. I love how Kaleigh hates the idea of prom and wants to skip out on it. She's spunky and interesting to me. And I haven't even gotten to the other chapters! Keep up the good work! I'll talk to you again soon. (: