Princeton Waterblood

A young boy discovers that he is very special. His aunt is evil and his uncle is good. Which side will he choose?

                        Princeton Waterblood

      By Robert Farrow

Chapter 1

I’m Princeton Waterblood. My life has gone from somewhat normal to completely weird. That’s only saying a little.

            A few months ago, I was sent to live with my aunt and uncle. My aunt tortures me and sometimes beats me. She’s like the parent you would never want. Aunt Bernice has always hated me, even before my parents’ death. She says that my mom had me by mistake. Every since my parents died, I have been miserable.

            My uncle, Jeb, is a professional body builder. For his age, this is weird. He sometimes goes to arm wrestling competitions and comes back with a trophy most of the time. He’s much nicer than my aunt Bernice is.

            I walked down stairs to get my lunch money from the “evil aunt.” To my surprise, she was nowhere in sight. I grabbed the bills and ran to the bus stop, thinking that my aunt would pop up and ruin my moment.

            Finally, I got to the bus stop. This girl, Carla Highwater, was there. I don’t know why but I like her a lot. Maybe it’s because she is super hot. Maybe it’s because she’s my best friend.

            “Hi, Carla!” I said happily.

            “Hi Prince. I see you survived the devil’s lair again.”

            “Yeah. Surprisingly, the devil was nowhere in sight.”

            There was an awkward pause and I couldn’t help but to stare at the beautiful girl in front of me. Her red hair was flowing halfway down her back. The girl’s green eyes were hypnotizing my soul. Then, the enchantment was broken by the sound of her voice.

            “What are you staring at? You look like you ate some bad casserole.”

            I tried not to blush but ended up doing it anyway. I sighed as the bus pulled up before I said something stupid. It always seemed to come when I needed it to.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2

            I got on the bus and greeted Herb, the bus driver. Then, I sat next to Carla. We got to the next stop and the bully of the school, Bronson, got on the bus. Everyone hid their lunch money in there socks so I did the same.

            Bronson walked pass and bumped me hard. I stood up quickly ignoring the sharp pain in my shoulder. Bronson turned and said,” What? You got a problem?”

            I don’t know why but I never stood up to Bronson before. We have been going to the same school for years and I never stood up for myself. This year felt different. I felt strength I never had before pulse through my muscles and I swung a punch. The impact was devastating.

            “Ow! You broke my freaking nose, dufus!”

            “Sit down, Bronson!” said Herb.

            “I’ll get you at school Prince!”

            I was not as terrified as I should be. For a puny 12 year old I was incredibly strong. Once I beat my uncle in arm wrestling. That is an accomplishment for me. Afterwards he muttered to himself,” I knew he had it!” What was “it”? I would never know.

            As we pulled into Winterstream Elementary, everyone stood up. I got off the bus and tried to hurry pass the thousands of kids. I was fast but Bronson was a lot faster. I bumped into something hard and it picked me up off my feet.

            “Thought you could get away, huh? What ya gonna do know?”

            I was a goner. I stared at the trashcan and imagined it all over Bronson. All of a sudden, the trash flew out the trashcan and covered Bronson. Everyone burst out laughing.

            “Ugh! Who threw this? I demand to know.” He muttered.

            “I guess that’s what I’m going to do.” I said slyly.

            Bronson stormed away and I snuck out of the crowd. I walked towards Carla and she said,” That was something. I wonder who helped you out.” I did not want to tell her that I threw it with my mind so I nodded in response.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 3

            Carla and I got to our science class early to discuss our science project. I do not know how I could work with a girl I liked but it was actually easier that way.

            “What should our project be about?” I asked.

            “I think it should be better than a volcano diagram but worse than dissecting a frog.”

            “How about we do our project on things that generate electricity. We could use potatoes, batteries, and hamster wheels.” I said.

            “That sounds great to me, genius.”

            At this point, students started coming in and taking there seats. Bronson came in With his best friend Jessie and sat right in front of us. They looked back and snickered. I knew something was about to happen.

            As I glanced at Carla, I noticed that she was scribbling in her notebook. It said something about batteries and well fed hamsters. I gasped when Bronson appeared in front of us. I guess Carla sensed his presence too because she looked up from her notebook.

            “Hey, Carla. Did you do something to your hair?” Bronson said, as if he cared.

            “Yeah. I just got it done yesterday.” Carla said playing in her hair.

            As the conversation went on, I noticed Jessie sneaking up on us. I tried to warn Carla but it was too late. She was already covered in trash.

            “Ewww! What is this?” She screamed.

            “It’s the most vulgar, vile things we could find.” Jessie mocked.

            I was infuriated. My face was turning bright red but I didn’t care. They just made a fool of my future girl. Carla ran away screaming and I stood up and approached the two boys. Just as I was about to pummel them to shreds, our science teacher told them to go to the principle’s office.

            When, they left the room I went to check on Carla. As I turned the corner I noticed Jessie and Bronson were harassing Carla. I ran up to them and gave Jessie a flying uppercut. The impact caused Jessie to fly backwards.

            As Jessie got to his feet, Bronson began charging at me. I side stepped out of his way and gave him a sharp right hook to the jaw. When I turned around to find Carla, I saw Herb appear from nowhere.

            “Aren’t you supposed to be in class?” Heb asked.

            “Come on Jess. Let’s get out of here.” Bronson said.

            I was about to turned around and leave when Herb appeared in front of me. He grabbed my arm and led me to a locker. It was locker number 246. It had been unoccupied since the incident with a fat kid. Herb knocked three times on the locker and it open. There was a long, narrow stairwell going down.

            Herb began going down the stairs and motioned for me to follow. When stepped down the stairs, the locker door shut and a row of torches set aflame. With the newborn light, I could see what was down the stairs. There were to other people down there talking to each other.

            We finally reached the bottom and I recognized the two people. One was my uncle, Jeb, and the other was our school principle, Mr. Boreman. The stopped talking and stared at me.

            “Uncle Jeb, what are you doing here?”

            “I’m here to tell you something important.” Jeb coaxed.

            “Honestly I thought he would’ve been dead already.” Mr. Boreman whispered.

            My Uncle gave him a stern look and began speaking again.

            “You are special and not just special. You are, how do I say this? You are magic.”

            “Hold the phone! You’re telling me that I’m magic, a puny little 12 year old? I don’t believe you. Oh and Herb, how did you appear in front of me like that. Are you magic or am I just hallucinating?” I barked.

            No one spoke. They all seem to be thinking about what to say next.

            “So cats got your tongue, eh? Well then, I’m out of here. Oh and Uncle Jeb, dinner’s at eight.”

            I began walking towards the stairs and almost got there too. When I was about to touch the first step, Herb appeared in front of me. He grabbed my arm and said,” We have to prepare you before it’s too late.”

            I grabbed Herb’s shoulder and sent flying across the room. He hit the wall with a loud Crack! I looked at my uncle for sympathy but he was fighting with Mr. Boreman. I tried to make a run for it but Herb was right in front of me. Then, Jessie appeared and grabbed me.  We appeared in my backyard.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 4

            “It’s hard to understand grown ups, isn’t it?” Jessie joked.

            “How? What? Where?” I stuttered.

            “I’ll explain it to you later but right now, we have to get to safety. Follow me.”

            He led through the bushes of my neighbor’s backyards and stopped at the third house on the right. We stopped at a doghouse with the name Growler on the top. Jessie knocked three times on the side of the doghouse and it grew to a door.

            I followed Jessie inside and he threw me a soda. The inside was all a child could dream. There was a very large TV with an X-Box 360. Jessie had nearly every game made. I couldn’t hide my excitement.

            “You’re safe now. Enjoy yourself. I’ll answer any questions.”

            “Am I a magician or superhero?” I asked.

            “No. You are either a sorcerer or a power wielder. I think that you have super strength by the way you hit me this morning. I can still hear the impact.”

            I thought about asking him why he was being so nice to me but I didn’t want to ruin the moment. Instead I asked,” How did you get inside the locker? I didn’t see you come in.”

            “I’m a teleporter just like my dad. You know my dad Herb right? He asked with a smirk.

            “Yeah. He’s a teleporter too, right?”

            “Yeah, he is an advanced teleporter. You are a power wielder like your dad and uncle and Mr. Boreman is a sorcerer.”

            Mysteriously, Mr. Boreman and Herb appeared with my uncle. They walked over to us and started speaking.

            “Jessie, I’m assigning you as guardian of Princeton Waterblood. You have proved yourself worthy of protecting. Congratulations.” Mr. Boreman stated.

            “I think he can take care of himself. He’s a telekinetic.” Jessie said.

            “Oh really? Then how do you explain Princeton beating me in arm wrestling and him tossing Herb across the secret corridor?” My Uncle asked.

            “That’s easy. Princeton here is also a power wielder. He’s a rare one.” Replied Jessie.

            After they settled on what powers I had and one I was, my uncle volunteered to be guardian of me. We walked home together and he explained a danger to me. I didn’t quite hear what the danger was because I was still trying to work my telekinetic powers.

            When we entered the house, I went to my room. My uncle passed my room three times and told me to be on guard. I wanted to ask him what he was talking about but I was too tired. I dozed off and dreamt about today’s events.

            When I awoke, my aunt was sitting at my bedside with a cell phone. She was holding a staff trying to pronounce some word. I began to get up but I couldn’t move my legs. My arms wouldn’t budge either. I was paralyzed in the presence of my enemy.

            Bernice turned around and shot a dirty look at me. She whispered in my ear,” You ugly disgrace. My sister was a fool to have change sides. I knew you would become like your father. You have inherited a horrible fate child and I am giving you a chance to change sides. Which sides are you on?”

            “The side that your not>” I said mockingly.

            A burst of wind burst in just as my door shattered to a million pieces.  It was still dark outside so I couldn’t see who had done the damage. Then, my aunt started to tell the person that she was handling it. She seemed scared of whoever it was. I tried yelling for my uncle but I couldn’t yell. It sounded like a faint whisper and it hurt.

            “Your uncle is going to die shortly if you don’t shut your trap you little mutt!” Bernice yelled.

            I tried to fight the urge to kill her because I was out matched. She had powers and reinforcements. Instead, I tried calling Herb and Jessie with my telekinetic powers. I talked told them where I was and the situation and hoped for the best.

            Hours passed and I was still stuck in that position. My aunt would come in and try to make me eat and I would say,” Why would I eat poison?” I was really starting to feel hopeless. When Bernice entered a second time, I tried calling Herb and Jessie again.

            As my aunt turned her back, Herb appeared with Jessie and grabbed her shoulder. Then, they disappeared. Jessie walked over to me and said he’d be right back. Then, he disappeared too. Herb appeared again with Jessie and Mr. Boreman.

            Mr. Boreman ran over to me and whispered some words and told me to stay still. Then, he told me to get up and gather anything important. I got up and grabbed the necklace my father had given to me before he died and ran to the window where Mr. Boreman was. He pushed me out the window and my uncle caught me.

            We all started running to where Jessie and I had gone. When I looked back, I saw Mr. Boreman shoot a ball of green light at a hooded man. The ball hit the man’s shoulder and he whirled around at impact.

            When we got to the doghouse, my uncle knocked the times and pushed me inside

Author's Note

Give me feedback on things I should change or add.

Reviews

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear RF Gooding

As requested I have popped over to look at the beginning of your book.

Whilst I do also poems and short stories, my favourite genre is novels. Hence my completed novel 'Split' on here

As there are few novelists here, and novels are harder to review because they are longer, I feel that those of us who try their hand at writing books should give each other a helping hand.

1) Opening remarks: Your profile gives little information. The system doesn't gave details of age, so I do not know what age you are. But I do know you are from the US and the language of the story so far obviously reflects that. Excuse me if I am wrong, but you appear to me younger rather than older. Hard to say because you need to look at my second point.

2) This falls into a genre I would call young people's fiction. Therefore it is principally directed at mid teens or younger. Whether you are older writing young fiction or younger writing it, I would guess the latter. Knowing your age would give me a better flavour of who is standing behind the writing and therefore the writing itself.

3) If I look at the storyline, I can see it sits well in theme and in its attraction firmly alongside Harry Potter by JK Rowling. The principal difference between her 7 novels (I've read them all) is that I think as she progresses through them actually many older readers were drawn into reading them. Her first in the series 'Philosophers Stone' was for a younger audience. But as she went on the books became longer and longer and more adults read them.

I'm 53 after all and I loved them and have read them all. Here, on the basis of these four chapters I see your book being limited to younger people. But maybe as you progress this book or a series of books in this genre, you too may start to hit a more adult audience.

Something to think about anyway.

4) Contrasts in theme in plot / storyline: I can see how you use here and I think quite well the life of ordinary school children going to school on buses, having crushes on girls, in science classes with school bullies works well, against the magic that gradually starts to appear in it. That is what JK Rowling does do in Harry Potter. So well done!

5) Dialogue: You have lots of that and you do it naturally. It sounds like real conversation. They also often say that it is good to use a lot of dialogue in writing because it fastens the pace up more for the reader and draws them in. So again well done.

6) Length of chapter: I think it's good the way you keep them short for a younger audience, though I just wander if they are perhaps not a little too short. Maybe as you write on and start editing the book, you might add more detail to make them longer.

7) Description: One of the ways you can lengthen the story I can see is by adding description of the people and places you introduce. We don't know what the bus looks like, the school, most of your characters apart from a little in the case of Carla.

You need to add these things to allow the reader to picture better what is happening in their heads. It's not just seeing, it's also what do things sound like, what do they smell like, what do they taste like, what do they feel like. What I mean is work on, in your description, drawing in or rather using all five of the senses.

8) Pace of the story: A solid piece of advice I would give you is that the story as it is written so far goes like a steam train. It is very face paced. But all of it is fast paced. One of the things it is important to do as a novelist is to go fast pace at times, yes speed it up, but at the same time, so as not to exhaust the poor reader slow it down at others so as to give the reader a breather.

I need to think a bit more about how you might do that but first I would like to read and review more chapters of the book to give you a better steer when you post them on here.

9) Characters: As I say you need to describe a bit more what they look like. The only other thing is, and it goes with pace, is that you throw rather a lot of characters at us very quickly one after the other. One of the ways of slowing the book down a little is to introduce the characters more gradually; and lastly

10) Magic: I liked the way you did this with the gradual discovery of powers and hidden tunnels. They are all really good ideas. But I come back to my point that you are too fast here and you pack in so many magic events in so little time - just 4 short chapters.

That's about it. But do have a little look at spelling and typos. One example, you do 'Heb' rather than 'Herb' at one point.

So all in all, there lots of good things in the start of this book to like. But just keep an eye as I say above on pace and description in particular.

I hope you find this helpful and I look forward to reading more of your chapters when you put them on here. Just let me know by mail.

Thank you

With my best wishes

James

[James Hanna-Magill]

PS Just an idea to help. Sit down and read JK Rowling's first Harry Potter book 'The Philosopher's Stone' and she how she writes and the way she describes people, things and places and the pace of her story, how quickly she introduces new characters and the number of magical events. I think that would help you a lot in writing and editing this.