But Do I have The Right? ( To Be Happy)

Pregnancy

Tiny Human growing inside

Mama loves you already. 

Five weeks and Six days

that's how long you've been here.

I cant wait to hear your heartbeat.

Daddy Cant Wait either.

Are you a boy?

Or are you a girl?

I cant wait to watch you grow.

To one day hold you in my arms,

and welcome you to this world

To watch you become someone wonderful.

But do I have the Right?

DO I have the right to be over the moon?

I feel guilty being so happy.

When this isnt my time to shine.

I feel guilty and hesitant to share. 

I feel like if I do,

I will lose someone who means

everything to me. 

I feel like I am messing up her moment.

Like I dont have the right to open up.

I feel torn and lost and utterly alone. 

I dont believe I can reach out to her. 

I'm so sorry this happened. 

I never meant to f**k things up. 

I promise I'll stay in the shadows,

this is your shine. Not mine. 

Just know sis

I love you dearly

And that I am so sorry

for always ruining things for you. 

Author's Note

My little sister found out she was Pregnant around November. Thsi is a miracle becuase her and her boyfriend thought he could never have kids. Everyone is so happy. I am so excited to be an auntie. BUt now... Now I have found out I am pregnant too. and I feel like my family ( on my mothers side, my sister and I share same mom but not father) think I did it on purpose to steal her thunder. I didnt plan this pregnancy. Granted my fiance and I want children. BUUUUT Not just yet. WE arent ready. :'( I'm sorry sis. I am so sorry sis. :'( Please forgive me sis. please.