Chapter Six: Rethinking

Relationships change

Adam opens his eyes lazily as Nicole slips back into their bed, His arms instantly wrapping themselves around her and drawing her close to him. Nicole sighs and snuggles up to him. Her mind reeling as she thinks back to her conversation with Fergs You can be with someone but love some one else Nicole, Its easy, His words going around and around in her mind. Adam opens his eyes  wider and smiles at her, leaning over to kiss her lips. An image of Derrick flashing in her mind making her back away. Adam frowns.

 

"Baby are you OK? How's Derrick?" He asks, pushing up on his elbows as Nicole sits up, drawing her legs close to her, wrapping her arms around them and resting her head, looking at him she smiles a thin smile.

 

"He's fine, you know him, stubborn as can be." She whispers making him smile. Something in her eyes must have caught his attention because he frowns and slides closer to her, wrapping his own arms around her and drawing her close, her back to his front.

 

"What's wrong, why do you seem so torn?" he says, nailing her feelings exactly. She sucks in a shaky breath and looks at her boyfriend.  She has been with him since 10Th grade, being with him was comfortable, safe. She knew she could count on him for anything. But was that enough to be in a relationship with him? She loved him that she knew.. But was she IN love with him? She never got the butterflies in her stomach or the stupid grin on her face whenever he crossed her thoughts. She sighs.

 

"Its nothing. Just.. OK please don't get mad." She says pleading with him. He just raises an eyebrow.  "I don't know if it was the pain or what, but Derrick kissed me." She says, the last part a whisper. Adam just stares at her, saying nothing. " Please don't be mad at him. I pulled back and told him NO! that I was with you and that he was like a brother to me and that it can never happen again." She says in a rush, She opens her mouth to say more but Adam puts a finger to her lips silencing her. He just stares at her, as she looks at him, uneasy feelings swirling in her stomach.

 

"It's OK, I've known for a long time that He was in love with you." He whispers looking deep in her eyes which widen.

 

"But-"

 

"I said its OK. An-And if you feel the same way I-" Nicole leans over and kisses him deeply. Breaking away she gives him a leveled look, stopping him from whatever it was he was about to say.

 

"I'm with you Adam, you know me. I'm not the type of girl who leaves one person for another. I'm with you and I want to be with you, No one else." She says, trying to convince him, and to be honest herself as well. She didn't know how she felt about Derrick at that moment but she wasn't going to let him ruin her relationship with Adam. He didn't deserve that. Adam just shakes his head and flops back down, laying on his back, his arms out wide, as he stares at the ceiling. Nicole curls up against him and kisses his neck making him shiver. He rolls over and crushes her to the mattress, her lips smashing against his as she unties the string on his PJ bottoms.

 

Nicole gets out of bed and walks over to Derrick's room, checking on little Hope. It's been five hours since she went to see Derrick and checked on her last. She smiles as she leans against the door frame and sees her curled up in Derrick's blankets, the little purple rabbit clutched tightly in her hands,a s if even in her sleep she couldn't bare to part with it. She pushes off the door frame and turns aways from the little girl her smile widening when she sees Adam still laying in bed watching her under heavy eyelids. He was laying in bed with the sheets just barely covering him, threatening to slid down low and expose every part of him. He gives her a cocky smile and holds out his hand for her. She goes over to the bed and drops her  robe, making him drink in her body with hungry eyes. She climbs onto the bed and climbs on top of him, making him put his hands around her waist to steady her. His eyebrow raised. She just gives him a devil may cry smile and scoots down, His eyes widen and his breath is sucked in as a moan as she goes down lower, her hand and mouth closing around him.

 

"Do we have to get out of bed?" He mutters as she curls up in his arms, exhaustion slowly taking over him. Nicole giggles and kisses his chest.

 

"No we don't have to get out but we should," She whispers still kissing his chest. "Hope will wake up soon." she says, making her way to his throat, brushing kisses along the way making him moan. Finally she reaches his mouth and he gives her a hungry kiss, breaking away before he takes her again.

 

"Keep doing that and I wont Let you leave." He says.Before she can respond back with a smart comment a soft cough comes from the direction of Derrick's room. Nicole looks up to see Hope, hair tousled from sleep and clutching her rabbit, standing quietly in the door way, her eyes wide and alert. "S**t" Adam mutters moving the blanket back to cover himself up. Hope doesn't take notice, she's just staring up into Nicole's eyes.

 

"Can we see Derrick now?" She asks, her voice still timid and unsure. Nicole snatches up her robe and quickly puts it on, grabbing Adam's shirt and boxers and flings them at him as she gets up. Tying her rob around her waist she goes over to Hope, who has her arms out to be picked up. Once settled in Nicole's arms she looks up at her with big eyes. "Can we see him now?" She asks again. At the mention his name Ferg's words come back to her mind. You can be with someone but love some one else Nicole, Its easy, Shaking her head she smiles at the little girl and opens her mouth to speak

 

"Of Course we can go see him, I bet he would really love to see that you're OK." Adam says before Nicole can even say a word. She closes her mouth and looks over her shoulder to see Adam finally pulling on a shirt and coming over to the girls a smile on his face and kind eyes when he looks at Hope. "Come on we can go together, then we can head to the cafeteria and get some food." he says going over to the door and opening it letting the girls go first. They quietly go down to the very end of the hall to the stairs that lead right to the Cafeteria, noise filters to them letting them know that it was full. When they enter Cash's quiet laugh reaches Hope's ears and she lifts her head from Nicole's arms.

 

"Its Cash! Nicole can we go sit with him?" she asks, squirming out of her arms and running over to him anyway. "CASH!" She yells making him turn around and open his arms, right before she jumps into his arms. Nicole and Adam laugh as they walk over, Cash looks over at them, a grimace on his face, just as Fergs comes over with a tray of food.

 

"Cash, why don't you take hope to get some food, I'll fill them in on Derrick." He says quietly. The younger man nods and heads over to the Breakfast line, talking quietly to Hope making her giggle. When Fergs looks back to the couple the worry on Nicole's face was etched deeply. " From the looks on your faces no one told you huh?" He says, his deep voice filled with sadness. Fear pools in Nicole's stomach and she shakes her head. " Follow me." He says and without another word he turns on his heels and heads out of the cafeteria, to the main offices. Nicole stands frozen her her spot for a few minutes, her fear paralyzing her, the feel of Adam's hand slipping into hers snaps her out of it and they quickly jog to catch up to Fergs.

 

"Is Derrick OK? Is something wrong?" She says, her voice elevated with her fear. Fergs just shakes his head but doesn't say anything, just continues to head over to the offices, shouldering the door open and ushering them in, taking the lead again and heading to the meeting room. Once insdie the couple sees Veronica and Margaery sitting down at the table, their faces grim. When she spies the Nurse her fear escalates. " What  happened to Derrick?" She shouts, tears threatenthing to spill. Veronica looks at her before looking at Fergs

 

"Thank you Fergs, you can stay if you wish," She says then looks back at he couple. "Nicole, Adam, please sit down." Nicole Plops down in a random chair, her eyes still trained on Margaery as her thoughts spiral. Did something bad happen after she had kicked her out? did he get worse, was he.. NO! she shakes her head. If he had she would have felt it right? She continues to stare at the Nurse, her eyes begging her to say something. She barely sees Adam and Fergs sitting down on either side of her. When they were all settled Veronica turns to Margaery. " Tell them." She whispers. Nicole's dread pools deeper in her stomach as she hears the strongest women she ever knew sound so hopeless and broken. Margaery lifts her head and looks at Nicole, sadness in her eyes.

 

"After you left I was able to stop the bleeding again, but he has lost alot of blood, And I noticed an infection starting.' She whispers. Nicole Gasps, her hand flying to her mouth as the tears finally stream down her face.

 

"He's Infected?" Adam says, his voice broken. Margaery shakes her head quickly.

 

"No Not THE Infection, It's blood poisoning." Nicole sags against her chair in relief. " Fergs here told us that the blade that stabbed him was rusty, he must have gotten it from there."

 

"Will he live?" Nicole squeaks out. Margeary takes a deep breath

 

"I'm using the strongest antibiotics I have."

 

"But Will He LIVE?"

 

 "Without the proper drugs, he doesn't have a good chance." She says. "I'm sorry." tears flow down her cheeks. "Right now he is fighting for his life, he hasn't woken up since passing out and its probably a good thing, the blood poisoning is spreading through his blood and its very painful." She explains through her tears. Veronica closes her eyes and takes a shaky breath before thanking and excusing the Nurse. Margaery takes one more look at Nicole, mouthing I'm sorry before shuffling back to Derrick, to try and do more. Nicole sits there taking in the information. Her worst nightmares coming true. She couldn't lose Derrick, she couldn't, she needed him in her life.. She... Nicole Sucks in her breath as a reality finally dawned on her.

 

She loved Derrick, she was totally and completely in love with him.

 

Fergs clearing his throat finally breaks her out of her thoughts and she stares up into his knowing eyes. He could see it on her face that she had finally come to terms with her feelings. He gives her a smile before turning to Their leader.

 

"The boys and I have already decided that we can do a special op mission to find every Hospital we can until we find the right drugs, Margeary gave us a list earlier." He tells her, his deep voice confident and non wavering. though Nicole could tell by the way he was clenching his fist that he was trying not to break down. " All we need is your permission." He says. Veronica just looks at him with watery eyes. a though dawns on Nicole and she looks up at the only women she has considered like a mother.

 

" My Uncle Jason before the infection use to work at a physcratric hospital called Butler, I know that place has tons of drugs, maybe it has the ones we need." She says looking up at Veronica praying that this information will make her say yes. Veronica nods and looks at Fergs

 

"You have my permission, Nicole where is this Hospital?" She says turning her gaze to her almost daughter.

 

Um Providence Rhode Island, Fergs do you know where that is?" She asks crossing her fingers hoping he did, her heart sinking lower when he shakes his head.

 

"Nikkie I'm not from around here remember? I lived in Connecticut until the infection hit." He says his voice portraying his sorriness. Adam puts an arm around Nicole and looks at her before looking at Fergs.

 

" I know the Hopsital, my mother was once a patient, I can still find the way there, I volunteer to go with you." he says. Fergs nods his consent and after that Veronica, Adam and Fergs group together and discuss the details, Veronica has Adam quickly go round up the others and they all discuss the details and plans. Nicole watches from the corner of the room, her mind reeling, the air threatening to suffocate her. She had to get out of that room, no one would notice if she slipped out. She quickly exits the room, careful not to slam the door and tears down the small hallway to the nurses. The door was unlocked and she slips in, stiffling a small gasps when she spies Margeary sitting at her desk looking at her.

 

" I was wondering when you would be here, go head he's still in there." She says nodding to the small room. Nicole stares at the closed door,

 

" How is he?" She whispers

 

"He's still unconscious, but for now he is as stable as I can make him, the rest is up to him, if his body can fight the infection or not." Margeary says. Nicole's hands trembling as she reaches out and turns the nob. She throws the nurse a grateful look before going into the room, shutting the door behind her. The rest of the world falls away as she stares at the unconscious figure laying on the bed, he had new badages on but still red liquid had managed to ooze out and stained the gauze. She rushes over to him and drops to the ground, grabbing his hand and clutching it tightly in hers. Up close she can see the affects the infection, he was pale, his face almost ghostly white, the veins in his forehead visible underneath the skin, His eyes though closed looked sunken in, his lips bloodless, and there were heavy bags under his eyes. A small sob bubbles up in her throat but she squashes it down, trying to be strong for him. She wipes away the hair form his face which was matted down with sweat, his face burning under her fingers.

 

"Derrick its me, It's Cole," She whispers using the nickname that she would only let him use. " I'm so sorry for fighting with you earlier, But you were right," She stops, trying to reign in the emotions that threatened to overwhelm her. when she is certain she was back in control she pushes on. " I do feel the same way, Derrick I love you, I've always loved you too, I'm sorry It took me so long to figure it out. But I did so you can't leave me now, Please Ricky, You can't leave me now, I need you." She says squeezing his hand hard. His hand twitches in hers and her eyes fly up to his face, searching for any signs of waking up, her sobs finally breaking when she finds none, She places her head on his chest and cries, hard heavy sobs. " Please Derrick, Please Don't leave me, Fight this, Come back to me." She sobs. She lifts her head and leans forward, placing a hard kiss on his unresponsive lips. her emotions overwhelm her and she jumps up, flying out of the small room, not even stopping to say goodbye to a startled Margeary before flying out of the office. Her tears blind her, but her feet seem to know where to take her and soon she was shouldering the heavy doors of the Auditorium. She runs down the small isle and once again finds herself kneeling on the stage. She stares up at the cross, her tears still streaming. "Please God if you are real, Please don't take him from me, Not when I finally realized I love him, Please I need him." She says.

 

"Nicole?" Adam's voice says from behind her. She turns around and sees his face and instantly know that he had heard every word she had said. Her face pales.

 

"Adam< I... I'm sorry!" She stutters, her heart threatening to break right there in front of him. Her heart was torn. She loved Adam but she knew that she was in love with Derrick. " I-" She stops, searching her mind for something, anything to say to him. He puts his hand up and waves away her words, a small smile tugging on his lips.

 

"Nicole, remember when I said I've always known he loved you?" He says, She nods, confusion entering her face.  He pulls himself up onto the stage and walks over to her. He sits down, leaning his back against the podium to look at her, right leg drawn close to his body the other stretched out in front of him, resting his right arm on his knee. " I also have always known that you were in love with him too. I knew this day would come eventually. I'm just grateful I got to share your life for a little while." He says, his smile still on his face. Nicole's face flashes with regret and guilt and she looks down, But Adam leans forward and takes her chin, lifting it to look in his eyes. " Nicole's don't be sorry or guilty. You can't help who you love, you didn't do anything wrong. Am I sad that we are no longer together, yes, But am I pissed or hurt.? No." He says making her cry harder.

 

"I'm so sorry Adam, I never meant for this to happen." She says quietly, still looking at him. He gives her another small smile and leans forward, kissing her forehead.

 

"And that is why I am no mad at you, you didn't do this to hurt me, you did nothing wrong Nicole, and I am still here for you, I will always be here for you." He says leaning back against the podium. Nicole smiles

 

"Really?" He nods

 

"Yes You still have me in your life, you have always been my best friend, that will never change, whether we are together or not." He says, the strength in his voice makes her lean forward and hug him hard. a genuine smile spreading on her lips as she feels his strong arms crushing her to him. "Plus This morning will be an excellent goodbye gift." He teases making her laugh through her drying tears.

 

" You perv" She giggles and punches his arm playfully. He just snickers and stands up, wiping off the dirt that was on his pants before helpping her to her feet. "when do you and the others leave?" She asks, all laughter vanishing as she hears the doors open, light spilling into the dark space. Adam looks over to see Tony Leaning against the semi Open door.

 

"I guess now," He says turning back to Nicole. He opens his arms and she slips into them Hugging him hard trying not to cry again.

 

"You need to come home Adam, I cant handle possibly loosing you both." She whispers into his chest, drinking his comforting scent. He pulls her away and holds her at arms length.

 

" Nicole you will NEVER lose me, and you most definitely will NOT lose Derrick, He's to stubborn to die. You'll see he's going to pull through." He says. She just nods and hand in hand they jump down from the stage and head over to Tony who smiles when he sees Nicole.

 

" The kid is with Derrick, she was demanding Cash to take her and Veronica and Mageary said it wouldn't hurt for her to see him."  He says moving aside so they could exit. Nicole blinks in the fluorescent lights after being in the dark theater. the three head to the front of the school where the rest of the team were waiting. Nicole hugs Adam hard and tries not to cry as she watches him leave with the rest of the group, not turning around until the old truck was out of sight. Slowly she turns around and once again heads to the Nurses. She blinks as she sees Veronica leaving the office, giving a startled little gasp when she spies Nicole. One look at her face and Veronica knew. She walks over to her and pulls Nicole into a hug, letting her pour her grief out onto her shoulder.

 

"Nicole we have to be strong for him, he's going to need us to be there when he wakes up, He's going to need you." The leader says in a knowing tone. Nicole looks up at her startled.

 

"How's you know?" She whispers. Veronica gives her a small laugh.

 

" A Mother always knows, I've watched you two grow up, I knew it even when you both didn't." She says winking and without another word she walks away, heading to the stairs. Nicole watches after her before turning back to the door. Mustering up her courage she opens the door, heading into the office to be with the man she could no longer deny she was in love with.