The Cutting Stall

SNICK

 

The blade snaps open,

the serrated jagged metal

and blinding yellow plastic handle

My salvation, my knight in yellow armor.

 

Metal cold and unforgiving

meeting the innocent flesh

just below my knee,

the back of my calf.

 

Slow painful cuts

cutting to  the beats

of my breaking heart

 

Blood  a pulsing living thing

weeping out of the cuts

running down my leg

Crying the pain I feel inside 

 

Remembering their joyous laughter

turns slow to furious slashing

as tears streak down my face

cutting deeper and deeper

with every touch of the blade

 

The tears freeze as the pain becomes blinding

Close the blade, tuck it away,

My leg a maze of angry weeping

showing the feelings I feel inside

showing the feelings I'm to afraid to admit out loud.

 

Take a piece of toliet paper and clean up the mess

Exit the bathroom stall, stand infront of the mirror

Put on my eyeliner, gloss up my lips.

Plaster on a bright smile.

Exit the bathroom all together.

 

Walk to my cubicle, sit at my desk.

Log on to my work station

with that smile still on my face.

 

 

Reviews

[I Am Svetlana]

I am a recovered cutter. I started when I was a sophmore in high school and got the courage to stop about 5 years later. It's difficult to know the emotional pain one is going through and what measures they will go to make it go away. I haven't done it for about a year now and yes, I still have my days when I get urges and think about resorting back to it, but knowing in my heart that it's not worth it. It's a very tough inner addiction and it's scary to be honest with people about it cause they would instantly think you're crazy or need to be locked away somewhere. The main thing that made me stop doing it was that my family would express how much my actions & being sad was hurting them. I never thought it would make me stop because i figured they didn't understand what all I was going through. But deep down, I wanted to not be in that dark place anymore and do something right for a change. Yes, it's not easy to recover, but it leads to better days and self-esteem when it's all over. Thank you so much for sharing this...it really hit a soft spot.

[victoria]

this is really deep. it's really emotional and truthful i like the set up. i don't know if you are a cutter but if you are it can get better im a cutter myself but yeah

[Fenix Flight]

Yes I am. or as my sister would say I am a recovering Cutter since I Have been strong and havent in almost three months now.