belong

a story of a girl who is sturggling with depression.

     The Pain sears her chest like a bolt of lighting, her breath leaves her body in a strangled Whooosh. The tears she could feel were burning their way to her eyes begging to be let go, so she did.

 

      Huddling in her bed she grips the comforter closer as her sister's joyful laugh trickles up the stairs and reaches her ears. Her stepfather's loud carefree laugh follows right behind, her mother's giggles not a second later. She throws her pillow over her head trying to block out the noise.

 

        In her room... No its not even her room, its her sisters room she curls up on herself on her little strip of foam she calls her bed. Nothing here was hers but the useless thigns she baught and spent her money on. She had no room of her own, no BED to call turly hers, no friends, no car. The only peice of furniture that was "hers" was a little two set of drawers. And her mother wondered why she lite up like it was christmas when she gave it to her! To her it meant everything. In a place where she barely fit having something to call HERS was like a gift from the goddess!

 

     Earlier that day she had watched her sister put on a very special jacket. The jacket had belonged to their cousin Jeremy who had died (self inflicted) when he was 16 (maybe 17). She was happy for her sister. but at the same time it killed her. Selflish jeoulsy laced through her. HER SISTER NEVER MET THEIR COUSIN! she hadnt been born yet!!! but SHE had met him! hell she had been HIS FAVORITE NICKEL!!!!!!! granted she was 2 at the time. So when she asked her mother if she could try it on she didnt see a problem. "NO YOU WILL STRETCH IT OUT AND RUIN IT! IT WONT FIT YOU!" Her mother yelled at her. It destoryed her!!! It took everthing in her power not to Cry right there. And Thenthey had the audasity to say "OH hey GO get your white sox's hat like the one Jeremy use to wear all the time, I want your sister to wear it so she is all decked out like him."  OUCH!!!!!! It hurt. and then her family has no idea WHY she was upset and quiet the rest of the night. They just brushed it off as she just has attitude.

 

      It was bad enough she had gotten yelled at at work by a coworker. She had to come home to THAT! It was her mother, sister, and brother, and stepfather. She had lived with her dad from the time she was 2 to the time she was 19. then she moved to be with her mother sister and brother. But she didnt think it would be this hard. She didnt realize then that they had all grow up without her and that it would be near impossible to fit in.

 

      She sometimes watches with jealousy at the extremly close bond her sister and mother have. SHE WANTED THAT SO BADLY IT HURT!!!!!!!!! She wanted to Mommy!!! she wanted that bond!. But no. everytime she tried to tell her how she felt, or go to her, she was written off as a drama queen or to stop bitching/ complaining. She was told you are a grown women start acting like one! HEY her sister was 18 years old and they ALL treated her like she was a f*****g PRINCESS!!! they spoiled her!!!! They bought her Batman shirts with CAPES!!! yet when SHE bought an avengers bedset she was deemed Childish and immature.

 

     Dont get her wrong. She loved her sister with all her heart!!! her and her sister were partners in crime, best friends, two peas in a pod. There wasnt anything in this world she wouldnt do for her. And she was HAPPY for her sister, after everthing her sister went through in her short 18 years of life she deserved to be dotted on and spoiled. she deserved to finally be happy. And if her being misrable herself was the price, she would pay it EVERY TIME!!!!

 

      Her pillow feling soggy and wet brings her out of her memories. She hadnt realized she had been crying. the Feeling on her chest gets heavier Threatinging to crush her. She couldnt do it anymore. She sits up, grabs the tin  box, face cloth, and proxide. Swiping her leg clean she opens the tin box and gets otu her razer. Three clean cut lines down her calf. She watches the blod run down her leg for a few before cleaning it all away with the proxide and cloth. the pain momentarily lifting her sorrow away.

 

         Thats better.

 

      But as she slowly drifts to sleep her desire comes back..

 

    All she wanted was a place she could truly say

 

 

    I BELONG!!!!!!!

Author's Note

Ok this sounds alot like she is bashing on her sister. that isnt what its about. its about How she tries to hard to fit in and is always pushed out. She is envious at the fact that her sister fits in when she cant. Please dont think her sister is a bitch or anything. Her sister is innocent in this whole thing.... Ok thats all I have to say.

Reviews

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

What a lovely story, I loved it. Nicely written. :)

[Fenix Flight]

Thank you. It's actually my way of doign a diary entry. I was so upset that day I wrote it all out into a story the next day..

[♔ CrownedDevil ☾]

Oh ok that's pretty cool that you turned it into a story. Emotions are very powerful when you let them take over. Nice capture of that. :)

[Honey-Bee]

Fantastic story! Kept my interest the whole way through. Love the wording! It is too bad she has to cut herself to relieve the heart pain. Such a terrible psychological problem! Enjoyed the read!

[Matching Socks]

Finding our place is difficult, sometimes we just accept that we don't fit in, but isn't that wonderful, that we're so unique? Of course, that would difficult for a child to understand.