Déjà vu

A Story by felioness

"How quickly time flies when there is so very little of it left"

Alone with the pain I was inconsolable. My tears were a heavy rain of hopelessness that made my headache. Later, when the weeping stopped and my senses returned, I was able to smell the sharp acrid scent of poplar wood blazing in the campfire . I heard the snapping and crackling sounds of logs being consumed by hungry flames. I became aware of the sand, damp and grainy, clinging to my cold bare feet. My heart, so grievously damaged by despair was breaking, no, even worse, it was disintegrating into dust.

"Life is so strange" I thought, raising my head and scrutinizing a soon to be full moon that hung cold and aloof in the clear, star-studded sky. October moons were known as a Hunter's Moon, or Blood Moon...

Kenji was out there, somewhere ... waiting. The remnants of my heart clenched in anguish. Kenji had irrevocably changed my life. Nothing would ever be the same. But for now at least I was finished with crying. Standing up I padded off the dock and walked to the fire, sitting down as close to it as possible. For the thousandth time I asked myself why this was happening, but there really was no use in trying to make sense of madness. I could spend all eternity trying.

"Good grief," I said out loud, "I'm freezing!" Wrapping my arms around my shoulders, I leaned even closer to the fire's heat but it was no use. The chill that gripped my body was a stone cold horror that penetrated my very soul. There would be no warmth tonight. Hanging my head between my knees I felt my skull hammering relentlessly like a clock measuring out doom. How many hours had it been anyway...? I had no idea. The concept of time had changed somehow. The only thing I knew for sure was that tomorrow night the moon would become full and the change would come.

My puffy eyes throbbed like hell, swollen and burning in their sockets. I almost welcomed the pain because my body had numbed and felt strangely disassociated from the rest of me. I shivered again dreading what needed to be done. It was still difficult for me to believe he expected me to go through the metamorphosis alone! I shook my head in disgust. He was insane! But this man I thought I loved was neither a man nor was he ever really in love with me. He just wanted control. Kenji was, to put it bluntly... a beast.

There was no cure. He made that perfectly clear. When the moon waxed I too would become a monster. How did he expect me to live like this? Shock made any sort of logic impossible. Over and over again I relived the moment; his savage kiss, the intense white hot pain, and then my blood, warm and sticky, trickling through my fingers. Kenji's look of triumph a twisted sneer that marred his strong, angular face. The one I once found attractive. He was, I discovered, quite indifferent to the harm he had caused and impervious to my horror. I stood before him in total disbelief. I could not for the life of me understand why he had bitten me so savagely and so deeply. Then he told me everything.

He said the transformation would be painful, and he didn't want to stick around to witness my agony. His nose had wrinkled in distaste. My head was spinning, I felt as if I were in a nightmare and I just wanted to wake up. "I will find you," he said, "on the full moon." That was three days ago, give or take. He told me we would hunt together as mates. Revulsion scurried across my flesh in waves.

I have only seen Kenji as a man. He told me his taint was ancient and very strong. There was no need for him to be in wolf form when making me into his kind. In fact, he told me it was more likely I would have been killed and devoured while he was in "the frenzy." The bite was done the way it was because he wanted me for a mate. My spirit writhed in defiance. I would never be his mate...never! Kenji's dominate nature had always been the red flag I foolishly ignored. Now I was paying for that foolishness with my very soul.

My preparations began shortly after his disclosure and I was almost ready now. Armed with my father's pistol and a silver bullet made from a bracelet my mother had given me I made my way to my beloved lake. It was a place that held a special place in my heart. After making a fire and crying myself sick I sat there for hours staring into the flames. I remembered the inscription once engraved into the silver, it had said ... Happy Sweet 16 Erin! Love Always, Mom and Dad.

As I sat there my life unfolded before me, from my idyllic childhood right to my tumultuous teens. "Damn it, it's not enough!" I screamed, "I'm only 17... this can't be real!" I sat alone with my thoughts until a faint blush of pink hinted at dawn. "How quickly time flies!" I said to the stars, "especially when there is so very little of it left." My heart ached. From the darkness I heard a loon's mournful tremolo echo from across the lake.

Summers had always been the best. Lazy long hot days that seemed to last forever. Those were carefree days full of fun and adventure. We'd swim and fish and explore to our heart's content. I remember when my older brother, Dean showed me and my little brother Mikey how to make tiny canoes out of birch bark. We spent hours that day sailing them on the calm side of Sandy Point. Sometimes dad would tell us ghost stories while we roasted marshmallows. I'd watch Mikey's ten year old eyes grow rounder by the second smiling to myself when he'd peer nervously into the darkness. A favourite of mine was the story about the Windigo. According to Algonquian legend, the Windigo is a malevolent, cannibalistic spirit that can possess humans. Sometimes it's a monster human beings transform into if they eat human flesh. The legend has about as many nuances as the name has spellings. We'd always laugh at mom because she'd get totally freaked out....it seems kind of weird now considering what happened...

I knew I couldn't kill Kenji. He was far too strong, too wily and too aware of my inner workings to allow it to happen. Besides it was already too late for me. I was already damned. That's why I simply put my dad's gun to my temple, whispered goodbye and pulled the trigger.

I escaped my fate as a werewolf, but now I am doomed to repeat, for a lack of a better word, my "emancipation" from lycanthropy. For three days leading up to the cusp of a full moon, I must re-enact the events that resulted in my demise. Only after the gunshot ceases to echo throughout the forest and all sits still and silent for a moment do I see my body, small and crumpled, lying next to the fire. Only then do I realize I am dead. That cold knowledge never ceases to amaze me.

© 2013 felioness

Author's Note

Any grammar or editing errors please point them out.

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Reviews

Sam

I loved the amount of description that went into this story. Amazing job!

Posted 8 Years Ago

8 Years Ago

Thank you for the rad and lovely comment!

8 Years Ago

Thank you for the read and lovely comment!

Coyote Poetry

A well written and powerful tale.You brought me in and held my attention to the last word.
"I knew I couldn't kill Kenji. He was far too strong, too wily and too aware of my inner workings to allow it to happen. Besides it was already too late for me. I was already damned. That's why I simply put my dad's gun to my temple, whispered goodbye and pulled the trigger. "
I liked the above lines. Honest and direct. Thank you for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote