Real-time Ninja

anime, fan fiction, supposed to be funny

Uzumaki Naruto woke up in Times Square,
He looked down, his feet were bare,

Two feet away, moving at the speed of light,
Were his shoes, taking flight,

The muggers each held a foot,
Of their newly stolen loot,

The Konoha ninja took off, in hot pursuit,
Learning too late, he was only on foot,

He gathered his chakra, bracing for a dive,
And didn't know what hit him, when gravity came alive,

Gasping from the pain, the rough gravel inflicted,
The bruised ninja lay on the pavement, conflicted,

He realized Tsunade's heels weren't that fly,
When a brief introduction to stilettos, left him wanting to die,

The harried medical student had offered him an absent apology,
Running past with a book on neurology,

Sighting a building, tall as a tower,
Naruto ventured into the traffic, just at rush hour,

Noticing the weird clothing, a taxi driver started to hail,
Pausing to listen, his footsteps began to trail,

If only he hadn't been busy, thinking cars were magic,
He would have known: standing in the middle of the road is tragic,

Uzumaki Naruto was run over by a truck,
The driver leaned over and was like, "what the f**k?"