Stream of consciousness

This is sort of like an essay I suppose.

for years I put all of my money and energy into not being able to feel anything. It worked. It's funny though, when i stopped doing drugs I still couldn't feel anything - anything but sorrow and anger. It's like I cant do anything to be excited or happy anymore. It's like the only thing that can ruffle my feathers in the slightest are drugs. When I'm doing something that I should be enjoying, I'm not enjoying it, just mildly distracted by it. Lately life in general just seems like an endless string of benign distractions. I cant hold a conversation with anyone because all I ever want to talk about are drugs and suicide. All these distractions - what are they distracting me from? If life is a distraction, what could it be distracting me from besides the truth? How does one discover truth in being? Getting rid of the distractions is getting rid of life. Maybe life is this Matrix. We do live in a matrix and I can see it. It’s this giant overpowering man-made facade that forces us to do, say, and act according to the path of least resistance. Well, I say, let's resist. Resist normative behavior, resist judgment, resist anything really. Think of all the things we were just 'told' that we immediately accept. Our age is now an age of unilateral perception. Nothing is subjective anymore. Cops are Heroes, Criminals are villains. This is widely accepted. But - they both run around in dark clothing breaking into civilians homes, shooting people, taking things that don’t belong to them, beating people, lieing, being sneaky, organizing into tight knit groups to protect one another at any cost - which is called a gang where I come from, or it could be a 'precinct'. A civilian puts up a camera and he's paranoid - the government puts up millions of them, and they're 'protecting us'. Everything needs a label. Cop, criminal; conservative, liberal; black, white; Junkie, straightedge. These are all labels based upon opinion. But when a label is supposed to be a constant, how can it still be an individual's opinion? Well, my opinion on labels is that they're like STD's, they're fun to make, but awful to get, they're no fun to hear about, and if you're not careful, they can spread everywhere.