Letters to her

A Story by Frank Roberts

a story of a boy and the girl who changed his world and the things he wished he could tell her

Letters to her…

August 27th

Hey its me… You don’t know me yet, and I could never in a hundred years think of anything like you. I had just moved into this school and met my new roommates. Im freaking out standing in my room petrified of the kid sitting in the living room, little did I know he would become one of my best friends I ever had.This is all so surreal I never thought this day would come yet here I am new school, new town, new people, I thought Id be confident. I swore I would be at least… As scared as I was it was time to start the journey ready or not.

The first week of classes came easier with every day, I took them in stride quietly confident, not ready to engage to many people. You see back home I was never really brave I had trouble talking to people and I was determined to make it work this time, but one hurtle at a time I guess. I got a little adventurous started talking to the people around me making light and friendly conversation trying not to stammer to much. Thats when I met you…

September 8th

Hey its me and today is the first day of lab. As per my usual I show up to class 20 min early on the first day so I can choose my seat before having to awkwardly ask if it was taken. As the others filed in I was scared to see who would be joining my table as I sat alone waiting. You sat down across from me and the rest was a blur. The four of us joked and talked the whole class, but what I remembered was your smile. Each time I saw it I felt a little braver. You see I was praying you wouldn't notice how nervous I was talking you, but it became clear at the end of those short three hours; this was going to be a good semester.

November 17

Hey its me, sorry for starring, but i just couldn't believe some one could make a tattered old book look so good. It seemed like every week you had a new one and a new recommendation for me. Ive only known you for a few weeks yet I couldn't help but think there was something different about you. You made things feel ok. Now I see thats not the most glamorous compliment in the world but for me it was huge. I finally felt like this could be my place here, I was on the right track. You see underneath it all I wasn't ok the semester hadn't been good, but every Thursday it got a little better. Talking you was easy, almost an escape, in a world that seemed it wanted to swallow me whole.

December 8th

Hey its me… The times have hit me hard and I felt so lost. You have only known me for three months yet you were there for me. I feel guilty because now Im starting to realize what was there since September. I cant get your eyes out of my head. Usually this feeling is what has people dancing, but for me it just meant trouble. I wanted a friend and you were a better one than i deserved, but my feelings had gone to far. I was in a relationship…

Now this relationship was abusive and a terrible, controlling, hollow shell of what it should have been. But a relationship none the less. Here it all comes out to her and her to me, we fight for days and weeks as we try to figure out when we stopped loving each other. I find out she's been having an affair for months, but my guilt still eats at me. I tried to end it once but I couldn’t. Not for her sake, but her family’s, they depended on me to help pay their bills and fix their house. For god sakes I taught her brother to drive, tie a tie and took him to his first interview, even yelled at the manager when he fired him a week later. I needed to make sure they were ok first.

January 5th

Hey… Its me….This letter would have never reached you. I went silent as I tried to forget my feelings and salvage five years of my life with her. I thought about you most days… That smile…laugh…those eyes…

January 23rd

Hey!… Its you?… Coming out of chemistry not excited for this semester dreading the weeks ahead who do I see that stops me dead in my tracks. You asked me where I had been. I was to ashamed of who I had been to explain in full. Yet you still reached out to me. I didn't deserve as much.

February 6th

Hey its me… This is when it all came out to you and you saw my life story. I waited nervously on the reply to what took me two weeks to write. I thought you'd run, our friendship was over. I was damaged goods and not a very good friend. You responded to me in a way I didn't expect. I had to read it five times just to be sure. You didn't run instead you told me you were there for me. Ironically this broke my heart. I had found the life I wanted but now it seemed out of reach like looking through a window at a beautiful summer day.

February 18th

I finally did it. I ended things. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, I didn't do it for you. I did it for me I deserve my summer day. Till it happened. I get the call from her best friend saying she's in the hospital. She is suicidal and I am now trapped. I know this sounds so stupid like a series of bad excuses, but I’m trying the best I can.

February 27th

Hey … um its me again.. I haven’t heard from you in a while and I’d really like to talk.

March 3rd

Hey sorry Its me again just wanted to tell you I saw this thing that made me think of you.

March 8th

Hey did I do something? I know you said this semester was super crazy, but I’d like to help.

March 14th

Haven’t seen ya in a while just checking in. You sure I didn’t do anything? Well if you need anything I’m here

March 21st

Hey … well you know the rest…. I get it. I am so afraid it was something I did. I’m starting to see how absorbed I’ve been. I should have been a better friend. Maybe not pushed so hard. Well as always I’m still here if you need me. I wrote you a few things but I’m to scared to send them, and at this point I’m not sure you really want to see. My roommates they told me to just drop it, but still those eyes are in my head. I wish I could say more, but I don't have the time or the vocabulary. Well anyway thats just about everything so I’ll just leave it at that for now.

Sincerely Your Friend,

Me…