Narcissism failed to benefit me

all your reflections cannot be a perfection

Staring at the crystalline stream of still water,

She saw a face looking back

But it wasn't her face.

It was somebody else's

It wasn't a face as beautiful as Helen of Troy

C'mon that lady had eyes reflecting the bright sunlight.

But there was something strange and different about this fluid structure.

It was not capable of faking any sort of emotions.

It couldn't fake a smile,couldn't fake a laughter;

It only reflected the feelings of death and falling apart.

"I am okay "were not the words in its vocabulary or lexicon.

Because this face was not feeling okay on any occasion.

Every night she would cry herself to sleep,

Crucially pressing that adorable teddy which her father had gifted her on the 19th birthday

Half the time she ends up being knocked out,

Hiding her delicacy behind her mahogany and chestnut brown hair

Surrounded by a ton of people,but still all alone

Talking and addressing the boodle,but still murmuring.

Nobody has noticed this and nobody can

No one ,except  her and god.

She just threw a pebble into that still rivulet and trust me the still water started moving and flowing,

With the image of that perfect girl perfectly shattered and dispersing all around like small pieces.

Author's Note

thanks for reading

Reviews

[Stonz P.]

i like the couplet at the end a lot.

Also, presenting the two perspectives from a third person POV was a good way of presenting it. Although, I think a first person POV from each would have been a gem. Nevertheless, I like how you pesent the predicament of a narcissist at the end of the day when there's no one to inflate the ego.

Now as usual, there have to be edits.
Like fake, faking becomes redundant in my opinion. feign, pretentious could be used instead.
There are other instances too. Look into em; I'm sure you will get the odd one outs.

[fattycbreezy52]

I respect your opinion a lot,but faking would have changed the entire sentence and feeling.Yeah feign,pretentious could have been used instead.BUt i guess its the feeling at the end of the day which it conveys.
thanks for the review:)

[Stonz P.]

I understand the personal feeling; never write without it but I pointed it out because the redundancy halted my flow. I would like to read someone's words but not be interrupted repeatedly only because the poet could not change the feeling; and I know every reader/writer is different but I feel the poet should control how the reader will feel upon reading that certain phrase/word but heck if I know about controlling the piece; always ends up being the other way around. (This is turning out to be a lecture)
And one last supplement: Feelings are not bound only by emotion and there are always more than one ways to convey an emotion, right?
Don't change it but improving upon it is a viable option.

[fattycbreezy52]

True.Thanks!

[Isabel25]

I very well know how it is to feel all alone in a crowd- I have always felt that. I can relate to almost everything you have mentioned here. Sometimes it just takes something as small as a pebble to bring down that armor we hide in with a big "CLANG"! Then with so much effort we slave to put it back together again.Such is life ...looks like we think alike to a great extend :)

[fattycbreezy52]

That is what! So,Soul sisters?
Did your mom by any chance happen to lose her second girl in an amusement park?And i will ask mine the same question ;D

[Isabel25]

Hahaha..sorry to disappoint you but no, I have a younger brother. In fact we have lost him on the street once, for a few heart-stopping minutes.

[fattycbreezy52]

Eeeee. .Terrible experience:D

[Isabel25]

you bet :P