Boy Forever Thankful

A Story by Farzin

There are two ways to the guys’ washroom. One’s on the left side and straight down the hall. The other’s on the right but its further away. I decide to take the longer walk because that’s only when I get to walk past her section.

I am just hoping to get a mere glimpse of her, nothing else. There isn’t anything else I can do. I am a loser. Whoever talks to me is straight away labeled a LOSER. So all I do is simply stare at her whenever she’s around.

I now walk in a faster pace. This action signifies my rate of progress, my growing confidence in myself. Okay. I am there but the door’s closed. Probably because they have the air-condition on. My attempt goes in vain. Why am I always out of luck? Does God think I am a loser as well? Taking account of the better side, at least she’s not suffering from the tremendous heat outside. Wait. The doorknob. It twirls, simultaneous to the whirlwind inside my tummy. I am going numb. What’s happening to the confidence I was talking about a while back? Without any choices left, I just wait; ready to face whatever lies ahead of me.

Unbelievable! She lies ahead of me. My heart jumps inside of me. I gulp. The next thing I know, I am lost in a paradise, the kind of scenario often shown in animated films. Pretty flowers, shaded sky, background music. You know what I mean. I specially adore those chirping birds watching the both of us holding hands and watching the sun set.

*Hello, is it me you're looking for?

I can see it in your eyes

I can see it in your smile

You’re all-

“Yelloo? Are you like deaf or something?” she squeals in my ears. She never came this close to me. Ever. Wow. She smells good too. She’s so beautiful, undoubtedly, one of God’s most amazing creations.

“Hey weird guy, look-” she mouths and gestures the words: What-Do-You-Want?

I open my mouth to say something like, “I was just going to the washroom.” But I don’t. Instead I just stammer, not proceeding beyond, “I was-um- just-um- I.” I told you I am a loser. And I get really nervous when I talk to her. Actually, this is the first time I am talking to her. Until now, she didn’t even know I existed.

She bursts out laughing, holds up the copy in her hand and gently spanks me on the head with it. She tucks the strand of hair falling on her face behind her ears and walks away. She turns around, smiles at me and vanishes off into the teacher’s room. With the widest of all smiles, I just stand there. I can’t anymore though. I think I am going to collapse. My heart’s beating hundred times faster than usual.

**It's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you…

A sudden bang of the door brings me back to earth. Damn. It’s him; the most popular guy in school, just in time to spoil the atmosphere. He observes that I am smiling. That’s not allowed because I am a loser. I’m not supposed to smile. He’s twice as big as I am. And really strong. He does whatever he feels like and can get away with it. The teachers keep telling us if there’s a bully we should inform them but no one does. That’s because no one wants to get their lives in danger.

He comes closer to me. He takes a better look at my face trying to recall who I am. Then he grins. I guess now he remembers that I am the guy he locked in the bathroom last week.

“What are you doing here? You were supposed to be in the bathroom.” he whispers.

“I was going to the washroom-”

Oh no! I shouldn’t have said that.

“Well, why don’t I accompany you there?”

“No, no, listen.”

I slowly move away from him but it doesn’t make any difference. I am weak and smaller in size. He comes and puts his arm around my neck. He grabs both my hands with his other hand and forces me to walk forward. I move along, not daring to stop. I just wish the Almighty grants me with a teacher who would see us. But no. Even He gave up on me.

What? That’s not how I wanted things to go. She’s coming back from the teacher’s room. And she’s looking at us. What if recognizes me? She’s going to think I am a loser, which I am, but she doesn’t that yet, right? I have to do something. I will fight him back. I can’t do that! Mommy! I wish I could just drop dead now. I close my eyes. I won’t be able to bear the contemptuous expression on her face, after she sees me being dragged down the hall by a guy of my own age. But the lingering temptation of peering at her one more time forces me to open my eyes.

“Let him go! You’re hurting him,” she tells him. Now she is standing right in front us. I’ve never seen her this exasperated before. She’s not smiling like she usually does. Furrowed eye-brows, a protesting aura, this side of her had always gone unseen.

“He’s a loser! He deserves to be locked in the bathroom.”

“No he’s not!” she retorted.

"But he's a�""

“�"friend of mine. Let him go or else I’ll tell the teachers. And please get yourself a life.”

He jerks me off and runs away. She turns to me and says, “Don’t let them do this to you.”

“I usually fight back but I wasn’t in the mood of... you know.”

“Uh- huh,” she nods in amusement. Smiling again, her eyes so sparkly.

***Her eyes, her eyes
make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
falls perfectly without her trying
She's so beautiful…

Wait not now. I’m wasting time.

“By the way, I’m…S**t!”

“Excuse me?”

Oh my god.

“I’ve gotta run.”

***

“May I come in?” I pant.

I look around the classroom and see twenty-five pairs of eyes fixed on me. Twenty-six actually, one of the teacher’s. She has her arms folded, looking through the top of her reading-glasses that sits on her nose. She’s peculiarly thin and tall and really pungent-looking. A few seconds earlier I was standing in front of an incredibly pretty girl and now… never mind. The change was hard to acknowledge.

“What took you so long, young man? You’ve, apparently, been in the washroom for the past,” she looks at her wristwatch,”10 minutes.”

“I got… lost.”

“I see.”

“Yeah. I got lost in the building. I couldn’t find my way back.”

“That’s a very convincing story,” she says sarcastically. “Now go back to your seat!”

I stroll back to my bench to sit beside my friend. The only friend I have; with whom I talk, perhaps, once a week. They say he’s a loser too. He’s the only one who knows about my feelings towards her. He says, its something called a crush. But I think it’s what they call… love.

I am supposed take down all that’s written on the board. Instead, I just doodle her name, draw hearts and stuff that girls usually do. I can’t concentrate on anything else. She has gotten me hypnotized. Especially, after what happened today. We talked! That’s so cool. I want to talk to her again. Should I? Or most probably she forgot me by now. She has other important things in life.

The bell rings. Yay, it’s recess. Wait. Why do I care again? I don’t even do anything. The other kids talk, some play football, some play basketball, and have fun with their friends. I just sit in one corner, droop all by myself and watch them. Sometimes a few of them come over to me but for my food. They pinch me and thump me and kick me until I give them my food. Yes. Life’s that troublesome for me. So I choose myself a table in the cafeteria and start eating my sandwich. A silhouette casts over my table. I look up, certain that it’s the guy I messed up with today. But it’s not. Phew! It’s a girl’s. It’s her.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” she asks politely.

“Why? I mean… why not?” I answer.

“Thanks!” she beams and gracefully makes herself comfortable in the chair on my opposite.

I should start a conversation. But what do I say? I’m so puzzled. Why did she choose to sit with me today?

“Why aren’t sitting with your friends?” I ask her, not sure if it’s appropriate

“I don’t know. I felt like sitting with you,” she says, oblivious of what I might think. She’s really confident about herself. I love this feature of hers the most.

“So what do you like doing?” she continues.

‘Nothing’ would be my answer. But I can’t say I don’t like doing anything. That’s just strange. There has to be something I like. What do I do after I go home? I eat, I sleep, I watch TV, but I don’t like doing any of it in particular. Wait, I like to paint. I have a whole album of my own paintings that nobody knows of. Nobody knows about my interest in art. I, myself didn’t know, not until now. Now that I ask myself, I realize that that’s the only thing that manages to keep me from thinking how much I hate my life.

****There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real

       Or if anybody feels the way I feel
     I need inspiration
      Not just another negotiation.

“I love to paint.” I say, very proudly.

“Wow,” she says, “we, then, share the same interest.”

And for the rest of recess, we keep talking.

We meet again afterschool and walk back home together. She makes me feel true. She says I make her laugh heartily, which hasn’t done in months. We exchange phone numbers and promise to call. I will. I’ve never felt that good after talking to someone.

I go home, hurriedly take a bath and finish lunch. My mom notices the gleaming me, whistling away blissful tunes. She stares at me with wonder. She repeatedly asks why I seem to be in such a good mood.

“Hey, it’s me.” I guess that’s what I’m supposed to say. This is the first time I’m talking to a classmate over the phone. It’s uncomfortable, but the fact that it’s her on the other side, makes it a lot easier. If I say something, she listens without making any judgments.

We talk for seventy-six minutes, forty-three seconds.

Next day. Full of anticipation, I walk through the school gate. Not to just watch her secretly or be bullied by the popular kids or be a loser. I’m no longer ashamed of who I am. Now it’s all about being a normal schoolboy like the rest of them. I know I have my own mode, I have a dream and most importantly I have a friend. I just made friends with the most remarkable person on earth. She made me realize that if someone doesn’t like me the way I am, it’s their problem. I’m not gonna try impressing her by being someone I’m not. I don’t need to anymore. Because she’s already impressed; by the real me. It’s all about the beautiful relationship we have now, the friendship. I met her just yesterday, and I already believe she deserves all the respect I can give her. I wouldn’t care anymore if I find out that she likes some other guy. I’m gonna make sure he likes her back. I don’t know why, but it feels like it’s my responsibility now. I’m still in love with her, but I can move on with someone else and spend my whole life happily because the affection has changed. It’s very different from what it was yesterday and I’m glad.

There’s a female-figure in every man’s life that come and change it for him. His mother, sister, wife, daughter. Mine’s the girl I befriended just yesterday.

I go over to my locker. She’s standing there, waiting for me. And together we walk upstairs…

******For all the truth that you made me see
            For all the joy you brought to my life
            For all the wrong that you made right
           For every dream you made come true
         For all the love I found in you
         I'll be forever thankful baby
       You're the one who held me up
       Never let me fall
       You're the one who saw me through, through it all…

Lyrics used from the following songs-
*Hello-by Lionel Richie
**You And Me- by Lifehouse
***Just The Way You Are-by Bruno Mars
****Way Back Into Love-by Haley Bennet
*****Because You Loved Me-by Celine Dion