perfect u

falling in love took me to a different world and i am trying to know more about the taste of the apple i have just bitten

All my confusions cleared when you went far
Now I'm prepared to break any obstacle or bar
You laughed when I fell and taught me to stand
when i was in trouble you gave me a hand

When i craved to fly you showed me the floor
You kissed my eyes even when it was sore
You took me in your lap when i needed a hug
You brought a bucket when i needed a mug
Love can change its form to hate
We don't know what will be brought by the fate
But i know you will care for me even when I'm sick
I know you imagine my face when you see a hot chick

You slapped my hard, to show me what was right
And then you rubbed my tears even when it was dried
You broke me into pieces and only sadness i could find
but don't cut yourself while attaching my broken pieces of mind

Your smile makes my pain less
You came like an angel and freed me from this mess
By your fragrance, i know you are near
And suddenly i get rid of all my fear
So many problems can be solved by a kiss
I bit my lips and dug my nails because its you whom i miss

 

Author's Note

its my first poem and i am new...i appreciate all your kind comments and criticism..hope i receive encouragements and advises.. thank u

Reviews

[Ryan Henderson]

Very nice poem, I love the tone it sets, I love the syllable layout in this one, this poem felt almost like a song, it is amazing!

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

thank you so much!

[Kenneth Nicholas Lowe]

This is a really good first poem, nice form and flow....

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

thank you so much!

[Luna Zerimar]

The first three stanzas came off as adorable.

But, but, but..

Then, the last stanza came around, and my god, your whole poem just went from slightly weak to extremely powerful.

It made the poem.

Amazing job hun. Be proud. x

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

thank you so much! please check my other poems actually this was my first one :)

[DACAC]

When i read your writing, I end up loving the whole thing. There's always a part though that stands out to me, and this is the part:
When i craved to fly you showed me the floor
You kissed my eyes even when it was sore
You took me in your lap when i needed a hug
You brought a bucket when i needed a mug
It shows mistrust in the relationship, that you can't trust the person you're with because they keep showing and doing the opposite of what you want from them.

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

Thank you so much!

[Maglia Weaver Twill]

yes, we care about people very specifically, it is so true when we miss them, it's funny how we miss people, it is strange how we are reminded of others, why don't we just forget everything and everybody all the time? I don't know. There is something about recognizing a person which has meaning to it. Hmm. another contemplation. How this helps anyone today to write and read here, I haven't a clue. I don't know if you have time to read all these reviews. Thanks for sending me a read request!

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

thank you so much. I really appreciate you liked it

[Luximir]

Aww, I really like this, so cute and adorable. my favorite image was:You brought a bucket when i needed a mug! Though I didn't understand this line: "You slapped my hard, to show me what was right". Is hard supposed to be hand? Or what did you mean with hard?

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

No my was supposed to be me... it is " you slapped me hard to show me what was right" thank you so much!!

[Luximir]

Great! I love this poem very much :)

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

If this is your first poem and already rhyming, it's a good effort you have maid. Well done. :)
Rudi

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

thank you so much

[Nitesh Mahabal]

I guess I'll Rate It This Time

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

thank you so much

[Laura Lynn]

it is not proper English but if I were reading the poem to an audience in a rapper style I would say 'freed me out dis mess' as opposed to 'from'...but I would not have recommended it ordinarily being stuffy

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

you mean "I was reading not were" anyways thanks for the review

[DoormanDan]

For your first poem, this is quite good; it's a LOT better than my first poem. I loved the line you broke me into pieces and only sadness I could find; but don't cut yourself while attaching my broken pieces of mind. Those are truly wonderful lines there!

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

thank you so much