PETE AND ME IN AMSTERDAM

Pete and Me in Amsterdam.

 

Eyup, yer monkeys! How the hell are you? In fine fettle I hope. Just beat the world into submission if it gives you any trouble.

  Yes folks, you read it right. Pete and me went to Amsterdam on our own. No, I don't know what Jo and Janet were thinking of to allow it either, but they did, bless 'em. And so it came to pass ( see, you even get the odd bit of biblical with me ) that we soared off into the wide blue yonder on our way to Schipol ( doesn't look right ) airport. Pete had been before, in his teens, so you'd think he'd know how to get out of the bleedin airport. You'da thought so, wouldn't you?

  One way led to the train which takes you to Dam Central. The other led to a wasteland that stretched for miles. Bet you'll never guess which way we went.

  So, we're wondering along this dreary road beside this dreary wide canal, with the occassional grimy boat going past. If we went a foot we went three sodding miles along this road to nowhere. In the end, even Pete admitted to an error. So we turned round and trudged back to the airport, not best pleased. At last, we got on the train, which took us to where we wanted to be, without walking more than a few yards.

  Well, I say that, but we still had to find somewhere to stay for a coupla nights. So we trapsed around for another half hour or so till we found somewhere. In that time I was almost hit by four cars and countless of the little motorised scooters which were popular at the time. Do you remember those irritating little buggers? They were exactly the same as a kid's scooter, but with a small motor. In the Amsterdam red light district, where we were, they came buzzing, wasp-like, from all directions. Forever under your bloody feet.

  And, yes, that's right. We stayed in the red light district. Now, let's be honest here. There are only two reasons for staying there. One is dope and the other is exotic sex. Now, while exotic sex is all well and good, neither of us was about to pay for it. So that leaves the other. An old hobby revisited. 'Nuff said.

  Anyway, we eventually found a room and set out to explore a little. This trip out was to prove the template for every time we went out while we were there. We got lost. Hardly surprising after we'd visited a coupla coffee houses, and we always visited at least a couple. And at least two or three bars. Like yer do when you're visiting a place. That first night there, we coulda been in Cleethorpes for all we knew. At around one or two in the morning, we were beginning to think we ought to get back when we realised we didn't know where back was. Oops.

  At least Pete had the sense to memorise the address, so we thought our best bet would be to get a taxi. This we duly did, and Pete spent a long time pronouncing the address just right, and the taxi driver kept nodding and smiling. In fact, he seemed like a nice jolly sorta bloke. So, in we got and off we went. For approximately fifteen yards. There we were at our door. The taxi driver was in hysterics by now, of course. Ha bleeding ha, mate.

  But all in all, I loved Amsterdam and would go again. The dooby is great and so are the people. I like the low bridges over the canals, with the endless water traffic passing by. And the old buildings facing on to the waterside, from the ornate to the flat-faced and dull eyed. AND, I now know the way out of the airport.

Reviews

[Zeek4]

Fargone we are on the same track once again. I made the Amsterdam excursion back in 1967. Beautiful women on bicycles, sexy women behind glass windows, and the infamous weed. I must share with you some Tijuana Mexico stories. Try HORSE S**T CIGARETTE. I think you might feel right at home.

[LA Lorena]

Phil, I must admit, when I saw the title and knew it was a pete and phil story, I had a suspicion that I was about to be entertained. My mind was writing its own story about what those two fools could get up to in Amsterdam before I even so much as clicked on the link. This was amusing, funny and entertaining, but NOT what I was expecting. Not from those two. Where do we go to get the unwritten truth of that particular trip I wonder? ;)

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[ju]

i was laughing b4 i got past the title...
very good.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

Phil, I adore reading your stories and the way you put the dialect in is so wondrous. Makes me almost hear your voice. Wow!

[Chris Smith Welshpoetcs]

Sounds like you had a great time ; )