A love story about a married couple who have their ups and downs when a huge secret is about to be revealed and everything goes down the drain. Will their love keep them united? or Will they divide?
Geisha thinks if only she could tell him how much she
loved him. How it has been a pure misery and torment living without him. She
has hope on their love although it futile after all she was the one who pushed
him away. Deep down she knows he will come back; He has to come back for their
love. All she wants is for him to try to understand her. Just think for once,
why would she do all this until and unless it's a matter of serious concern.
Why would she decide to live her life without him who has become the reason of
her survival. Her buckles gave in and she fell to the floor
crying her heart out. Her heart cried seeing the love of her life go away
Ten years, of a hidden secret, a secret unknown
to the world. The only living soul who knew of it was she herself. Even if she
had to die then so be it she thought she would rather take it to her grave than
tell the world. Who had known that one day she would have to choose between
love and revenge. A revenge, which has become the mission of her life and a
love, which made her, forget her past. A past, which had the power to ruin her
present and future. A power, that could remove every shred of dignity and
respect she had on the society. All she could think was she cannot tell him. It
would be like risking his life along with hers On the
other hand, Frank was walking down the road going down the memory lane to the
best days of his life when he had married his beautiful and stunning bride
Geisha Rhodes the brightest, beautiful, smart, and sophisticated girl in a
delicate stature. He had liked her from the day he had seen her in his best friend's
wedding day and right then he had fallen deeply in love with her glittering
blue-green eyes and his biggest weakness those magically deep dimples. It had been 5 years since they became one. Since,
they gave their relationship a name. Since, then they were known by each
other’s name. It has been 5 years of happily married life. One day out of nowhere,
she was not there, when he entered a home waiting with a huge smile. From then
till now he had no contact from her. Nothing that could prove if she is fine or
what was the trouble. Now a day, every single moment passed by in his wondering
which mistake of his has pushed her away. He tore at his brains but could find
no answerHe had tried to meet her and every time he tried, it was hopeless. No
response came from tons of messages and calls. Something must have gone wrong.
Frank was wondering what did he do wrong that could have possibly made her
repulsive towards me. Just when he was thinking in the café, he got to see a
glimpse of a red scarf. A scarf, which had more significance to him than anyone
on earth did. A scarf made especially for her on her 20th birthday as a
surprise gift from him. He stopped thinking and had run without looking ahead to make swift turns to catch her before he loses her again and just in the nick of time before she could get into a taxi he had caught up with her but even that meeting had been a waste.
He thought its high time he started snooping around and getting a clear view of the problem. May be he could find a solution to all of it, And their life would get back to normal.
One thing he
was sure about is that he could not live without herWill he be able to get to know the secret or not?...
Hello, I must confess, I did not read it all and I will tell you why: there is much redundancy here. You must condense about every three sentences into one beguiling, attention-holding sentence. Here is an example, which you may hate, but just to illustrate:
Wishing she could tell him how much she loves (keep the tenses the same, remember) him, and of the pure misery and torment of living without him, Geisha nurtures (or guards, or protects, etc.) the hope of their love, believing deep inside herself that he will come back to her. Though she had pushed him away.....etc.
Please don't hate me for being truthful with you, this is the only way I know how to be!
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
hey..thank you...it meant a lot..it was my first try....am more like a baby at all dis...so i shall .. read morehey..thank you...it meant a lot..it was my first try....am more like a baby at all dis...so i shall learn and improve with time..:)...and there is no way i could hate you for being truthful...chill...:)
Howww areee yoouuu soooo goood at thiiiiisss? Sigh. I love it! Though, the punctuation's and word place is a bit off, it's still a wonderful start to the story itself! Keep trying, because this story has some real potential! cx
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
hahaha..lol..this is my first try...and i suck at punctuations and all..but thank you so much for ur.. read morehahaha..lol..this is my first try...and i suck at punctuations and all..but thank you so much for ur wonderful words they truly made my day..:)..
11 Years Ago
You're welcome, and I'm glad they did! cx Oh, and don't worry, as you get more into punctuations and.. read moreYou're welcome, and I'm glad they did! cx Oh, and don't worry, as you get more into punctuations and all, you'll become a natural pro and won't even break a sweat as your typing them up and stuff. cx ...I hope that made sense. >.
The story has potential - a married couple, a secret, some decent descriptions. However, there are some issues with punctuation which affect clarity. Keep working on it; this is a worthy endeavor!
I think you've messed up the formatting a little pasting this in - change the font or something, it'll be more readable. I think you've got a good concept but your writing is very passive at points and the whole thing is rather dull and the ending is very expected. I think you ought to go in a more interesting direction with things, and to be sure to use more vibrant imagery in order to make things feel more real. It might also be a good idea to make sure the audience knows what the characters are thinking and feeling, as at present it feels a little artificial and forced.
I like the concept and you have started off well. What I found an issue was the grammar. I think its probably because you've typed it directly into WC, but I found I was stumbling on a lot of the sentences and the flow was stopped. I suggest typing it in word and then pasting it into WC, that should solve all those problems. But I really like the idea. Its a fresh take on a love story, you don't see many about an already married couple! I look forward to finding out the secret
It needs editing for punctuation. Punctuation helps a reader to understand your words, ending sentences at the correct place and telling the reader when to pause. It makes the understanding of the piece that much better. Look at it as valuing your reader. They don't want to waste time stumbling over the sentences or having to re-read.
You write of it being 5 years since they became one. The next sentence, you write of being married for 6 years. Unless they didn't consumate their marriage for one year, those numbers don't jibe.
"Something must have gone wrong" that sentence is redundant. Obviously, if she suddenly disappeared one day and won't answer his calls, something is wrong.
If he has not had any contact with her since she left and does not know where she is or how she is, how does he call her to leave messages? I suppose she could have a cell phone from when they were together, but you can't assume all your readers would know this. There are more people than you realize who do not have a land line, let alone a cell phone.
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Thank you for ur help..I shall look into my mistakes..:)