My Lilliputian Pond

Today I missed a step and crossed an unknown path

But the beauty of it, without doubt captured my heart

It is a foggy little memory I wish to tell...

It was a magical land with a sparkling spell

Its beauty was eye-catching, though no eye had seen 

It was a small little place on an alien land

The place smelled of divine and heavenly fruit

Nature beckons and whispers gently...

A tiny, pure puddle with freshly, floating lilies,
Pebbles cushioning the round pond,
Floating dock and leaf with a unique bond
I went into a dream state, I just couldn't respond...

The whole scene was sitting on a lush green grass

With two huge trees and a beautiful swing sitting in between

Took the breath out of me, a dazzling sublime scene

And just when my eyes couldn’t bear without blinking

A wee little shut and open, the place was sinking...

My destiny awaited me somewhere far beyond

The peace and serenity, its beauty and purity

Is captured in my heart and soul

Someday I hope to go there again  

Live the moment and retain it

Before a rose pink light splashes

A wonderful new dawn...

 

 

Author's Note

I came upon a bewitching place tried to add a few things and write down the piece..Let me know what you think..Thankyou...

Reviews

[MOON]

Good descriptive write.

[Cerise]

Thankyou..:)

[Matt Gandee]

Full of passion and some really beautiful imagery, though the flow seemed a bit iffy in some parts. Other than that, very well written!

[Cerise]

Thankyou..:)

[tamsin]

Just lovely. Beautiful use of words, and discription. You paint a wonderful, and delighting picture.

[Cerise]

Thankyou so much for ur kind words..:)

[tamsin]

Well they're all true : D

[Cerise]

:)

[tamsin]

I think I might do another smiley : ) Yep, done it lol

[Cerise]

hahhaha..lolz...

[Barbara Walker]

good descriptions, a nice write!

[Cerise]

Thankyou..:)

[Hester Vane]

Great write. Your structure and flow is good. The description you use is also fantastic. Well done!

[Cerise]

Thankyou so mcuh for ur kind words..:)

[Lily Mae]

Beautifully shared..xo

[Cerise]

Thankyou

[Ees]

Nice! There are a few places that you may want to consider tweaking, but overall this is a well done poem. Below I will list some places where I noticed that you may want to think about.

The second line in the first stanza is not as easy in its flow as the lines surrounding it so you may want to rephrase that line.

"Its beauty was eye catching which no eye had seen"- try:
Its beauty was eye-catching, though no eye had seen

"The place smelled of fruit divine and heavenly"- try
The place smelled of divine and heavenly fruit.

"Nature beckons and whisper gently..."-
you just left an 's' off of the word "whisper".


"A tiny pure puddle with freshly floating lily
With pebbles cushioning around the pond
Floating spatterdock leaf with a unique bond
I went into a dream state, just couldn’t respond..."- Try:
A tiny, pure puddle with freshly, floating lilies,
pebbles cushioning the round pond,
Floating dock and leaf with a unique bond
I went into a dream state, I just couldn't respond...


The last stanza is very good.
The poem has a really nice feel, I love the concept that you have here

[Cerise]

Thankyou soo much for pointing it all out.,..you were of great help..:D

[Bewitching Sensations]

very bewitching indeed.. well done

[Cerise]

Aw..Thankyou so much..:)

[Bewitching Sensations]

thats ok x