Road trip from Love to Heaven

a poem about a girl dreaming of her future with the boy she loves..:)

Once I had been to the pond of love

Dabbling and smoothing, 

My angels soft wings

Come from yonder, far above

He was my shining star

Come to save me on a dark night 

From the torment and pain

In an ostentatious little car

And that day shall not be very far

When we shall live in our sweet little world

Love and passion curled

When the morning rays will flow through

And I would wake you with my fresh morning dew

Wake you up on a bright new day

Give you a kiss before you go to work

Hoping you come without any more delay

I will dress up and put on a huge bright smile

I will cook for you and wait a while

Every day will be worthwhile

We are to be couples for life long

I promise to keep you smiling and happy

Till my breath leaves, my body and is gone

You can be strong, listen to our song

Till we unite again and move on

To the palace in paradise where we belong…..

Author's Note

Let me know how you felt...Thankyou..:)

Reviews

[TheJordBaker]

I think this is a lovely piece, up-lifting and sweet.
I do feel that some parts are stronger than others but in general you have created a very nice piece of poetry :)

[Cerise]

Thankyou so much..:D..it meant a lot..:)

[Barbara Walker]

This is a sweet poem, but it is a little too rhymy for me. Some forced rhymes, too.
4th stanza, second line, reads awkwardly. Then, the third line seems like it was written just to rhyme with the line after it. The sentence doesn't make sense. I think if you did a bit of re-writing, and not worry about rhyming so much, you'd have a good poem.

[Cerise]

Thankyou..:D..i will try to edit..:)

[Kelsey]

"You can be strong, listen to our song
Till we unite again and move on
To the palace in paradise where we belong….."

This is so beautiful. It gives you a little feeling of hope, like things can truly work out between two people. Amazing job, this is lovely. (:

[Cerise]

Awww...Thankyou so much for your wonderful words..:D

[kublakhan27]

This is really sweet...kind of a grown-up lullaby, which is a good thing :)

[Cerise]

Aww..Thankyou for such wonderful words..:D

[kublakhan27]

You're very welcome :D

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

That is really, beautiful! Wow! You are really improving by leaps and bounds!!

I feel, as others have mentioned, that this guy is pretty darn lucky - whoever he is and that this woman 'adores' him. They are destined for each other.

This lines stands out because it is so odd, in a good way but odd:

"He was my shining star
Come to save me on a dark knight"

It's either intentional or a mistake. Did you perhaps mean to write, "night" instead of "knight?"

Keep up the good work. You're doing great!! :o)

[Cerise]

Aww...i truly love your review..:p...Thankyou soo much for such lovely words..I am glad you liked it..:)

[gombeggar]

good feel, good rhyme...very good poem full of sensual ideas...does need a rewrite for grammer and punctuation though

[Cerise]

Thankyou so much.:D..this was rough draft, I shall see to grammar soon..Thankyou..:)

[Mia]

You're just full of love, this was very sweet and warmed my heart :) thank you for sharing!

[Cerise]

Aww..Thankyou so mcuh fro your wonderful words..:D

[quinfinn]

all i can think is "where the hell has this woman been all my life?"
wonderful fantasy of total respect and commitment. we always choose to love the wrong being, and we "settle" for less than we desire thinking nobody's perfect when, in fact, there is someone perfect for all of us...somewhere....such a big world, so little time....great poem!

[Cerise]

Aww...Thankyou soo much for your wonderful words which could get a smile outta anyone..:D

[quinfinn]

i live to please

[.]

Truly touching and greatly written! 100/100 Amazing job! Loved it! :D

[Cerise]

Aw..Thankyou soo much dear..:D

[.]

you're welcome! :D

[Steven Cash]

:) I love road trips

[Cerise]

Thankyou..:D