Love's poisonus burn

The pain of love burns painfuly

Sad days go by.

Sad songs are all around.

But I remember you.

Your face ,it comes to my head,

Unable to shake the saddness that lies inside.

Your face brings the memories I love .

Im balling Icy cold tears into a bottomless love.

Romeo and juliet Had a love that ended in death.

As will mine soon.

Love has a poisonus burn,that slowly kills you.

In painful ways.

Tortures and wounds your heart.

I pick up my knife and stab it into my heart.

Author's Note

NOT GOOD AT EDITING

Reviews

[.Bunnie.]

Okay, you requested a review for this one...so here we go!! ^.^

I would suggest making some edits on this, even if you say you aren't good at editing. For instance, the very first line: "Sad says go by.". Do you mean sad DAYS go by? There are a few lines that I'd maybe rearrange or change some words in them to make it flow a bit smoother. These two lines are a bit repetitive:
"Your face ,it comes to my head,"
&
"Your face brings the memories I love ."
I would maybe just say "Your face brings favored memories to my mind." Or my favorite memories...I don't know, something. Maybe just roll that one around in your head for a bit! :P

All-in-all, I have to say I genuinely liked this poem, though! I like the idea of it, I like how you're expressing it..I don't know. Something that's just catchy to it. :) But like I said, I'd do some editing.

If you'd like some help, email me. I'd be more than happy to give a few suggestions! All writers (at least, I THINK all) have editors, or at least someone who runs through their stuff and makes suggestions. I have a really great friend on here that's my personal Mr. Editor, and he's wonderful!! :P

Keep up the good work, missy!

[Fran Marie]

Love has a poisonus burn,that slowly kills you.In painful ways.
Tortures and wounds your heart.

Oh so true love is a cruel course indeed!

perhaps~the ending line can be instead of

'I pick up my knife and stab it into my heart.'

'As wth the dagger cutting to the quick which leaves a soul to bleed'

just a suggestion~Great PiecE!!

[Sseoni]

Wow... what a wonderful poem! Such immense emotion! I loved it! The way you described everything was amazing! :D

[Hailey]

i liked it, u did a good job of understanding the feeling as well as expressing it and having the reader feel the pain, well written