Just Keep Breathing: Chapter 2

The rest of the week past by like all the others. I got up, went to school, went to the graveyard and came home. Lather, Rinse, and Repeat. I did my best to ignore the stares and comments that followed me everywhere I went, there was really no point in trying to fight it because it would only end with more rumors which would lead to more staring and even more comments. After wards I'd go sit with Lane until the moon and stars came out and then go home late each night to face my mothers fury, only to be disappointed when she didn't come barreling down the stairs like she had the first night. I couldn't understand it... Why had she reacted that way then, but not now? I stayed awake for hours mulling that over in my head before falling into a restless sleep and awaking when the alarm went off signaling the beginning of another day in hell.
 
Friday night finally came, which gave me a full two days off that I could spend preparing myself for another week. I stood staring at myself in my full length mirror after I'd showered for the night trying to give myself a helpful pep talk that I'd grown accustomed to doing since Lane had died.

"You are a good person. You're smart, funny, and..." I paused trying  to think of another word to describe myself. Pretty seemed too conceited and I tried to avoid the word honest or reliable since, let's face it, if you're honest and reliable people wouldn't call you a murderer to your face. I tilted my head really looking at myself, I was pretty enough. Big brown eyes framed with thick dark eyelashes, I never had to use mascara. I had wavy blonde hair, not the platinum blonde mind you but the dark strawberry blonde and I had an average body. I wasn't skinny and I wasn't fat, I was just curvy.... soft in a way. At the same time though the things I could point out about my body that were my strong points were also the things that made me look ugly somehow. Underneath my big brown eyes with the dark lashes there were purple bags that showed how tired I really was, and strawberry blonde hair that had once been shiny and like silk looked limp and lifeless against my tan cheeks. Who was this girl that staring back at me in the mirror? She looked unhealthy, she looked sad... she looked dead.
"You are a good person." I said quietly gazing unhappily at the girl in the mirror, "You are smart, you are funny, and you are dead." Leaving the mirror then I went to my dresser pulling on some gray sweat pants and a black tank top, I slipped on my flip flops and left the house heading to the store.

2 Hours and a box of hair dye later I was once again facing the girl in the mirror, this time though she looked like she should, the black dye I'd used on my hair made my face look shallow and made the purple shadows stand out. Now she fit the description, unhappy, sad, and dead. I wonder what people would say now about me, I wasn't pretty girl Ava any longer. I was the girl who killed her boyfriend, the girl who yelled at Maggie in the hallway, the girl whose best friend had turned her back on her. This is who they said I was, and now this was who I was choosing to be. I went to bed after that and quickly fell into a deep sleep.

The sun shining through the window pulled me out of my dreams on Saturday morning, I'd slept well all night which was unusual for me considering the past weeks. A piece of dark hair fell over my eyes and I jumped up remembering the spontaneous decision I'd made last night, I fingered it thoughtfully. Was this a mistake? Lane would have hated me dying my hair, he had always loved my strawberry blonde hair, the way it turned almost red in the sunlight. I clenched my fist at my side remembering, no this was right. This was what I needed, change. I took a deep breath and left my room heading down the stairs and into the kitchen where I could hear my mother bustling around preparing to leave for work. Our kitchen was small, barely enough room for even one person to meander around let alone two, so it didn't take long before she realized that she was no longer alone and looked up to see me. I saw her eyes widen and her mouth fell open in surprise.

"Oh my god Ava. What did you do to your hair?" One of her hands came up to cover her mouth as if she was actually at a loss for words, of course that wasn't the case. "What is going on with you lately? You come in late every night after doing God knows what and now this!" She shook her head in exasperation, "I just don't know what to do with you anymore."

"It's just hair mom, not that big of a deal." I rolled my eyes, making sure I exaggerated the motion so she was sure to catch it and she did.

"Ava Christine Phillips! Just who do you think you're talking to?" Her face turned crimson and I swear if I'd looked closely enough I would have seen smoke coming from her ears. "In case you've forgotten I am your mother! I-"

I didn't stay to listen though, choosing instead to turn on my heel and walk away. I was reinventing myself, becoming who everyone thought I was starting with my mother. She was still yelling after me even as I opened the front door and walked out slamming it firmly behind me, I felt a twinge of guilt from the way I'd treated her. It wasn't her fault after all, but if I was going to go through with this I had no other option but to act that way towards her. I wanted her to care, and this seemed the only way to do it.

It wouldn't be like this forever, I'd change back to my old self once she realized how much I needed her. I thought to myself as I walked down the front steps and headed towards the bus stop to start the next phase of my reinvention, not once looking back.  

Author's Note

Please comment and let me know what you think! I really need some reviews because as of yet, I really dont know if anyone likes it.