The Pair at Light Bistro

A Story by fallenskies

Two girls, the same who have met and have never met always stuck back into the same twisted knots once again say hello. The hello that will seem like a forever that ends too quickly.

Light Bistro, 12:47 pm, New York, NY

Hazel.

It’s lightly raining, only a soft patter against my umbrella. It dangles against the sky like a puppet, waving in the wind. I guess it was silly to get here early if I didn’t necessarily want to see her in the first place but, I'm not sure, pure lust dragged me here I guess. I could go inside, get out of the rain. It’s warm in there but for some reason, I prefer standing out here? It isn’t even 1:00 yet. I always made It a habit of getting to places early and she would always get there late. I’ll add that to the theoretical list of reasons.

She never told me why. We met here, a little over a year ago in one of the booths and she told me it wouldn’t work out. I remember it as clear as day, even after I've worked on forgetting about her. And oh wait, here she shows up again messaging me to meet with her. She doesn’t talk to me in over a year and expects me to come meet her? Well, I did, so I guess she was right. I was always depending on someone else, I guess that’ll be another reason. My foot taps against the pavement, clearly impatient with myself and the general aspect of the situation.

12:54 pm

At least I’m making progress just waiting here. I pull out my phone from my pocket, black shorts with red lace cuffs barely visible. I’m even cold in late July, I should take this as a gift considering the weather in LA is hell. Did I move away from San Fransico to be with her because if so, it’s over now, I think? Different her. Different girl entirely, though pretty equal on the depressed notion I’d say. Why do I fall for depressed girls that will probably make me worse? It’s a stupid idea, I guess I have a “Type” after all though I always tried to stay away from the category. The type of girl who only likes other types of girls. I’ve always thought it was a stupid, that classification. But I'm apparently part of it. I’ve never been too fond of labels, though Kat always thought they were important in a sense. Define partly who you are and who you want to be, she’d say. She always had a mix of her talents and her sister’s. Her sister is a poet, always would come over and pull us out for a day at a creek to just write. I loved it, considering I write as well. Kat would write songs on a rock and hum a small tune, and I'd listen along and ask What’s that? And she’d always respond the same, Another figment of our strange minds. She would use us as if I co-wrote the song with her. I guess we were an "us" for a while, then it slowly developed into a "we" and into an "I" and into a "nothing." Into alone usually.

Light Bistro, 12:59 pm, New York, NY

Kat

As I approach the small cafe I begin to think to myself if I made a mistake, calling her here, and if she would even show up after all this time. I do realize I left her after 5 years of a strong relationship but I knew she was thinking about marriage and I was 23, I wasn’t ready to be that committed, even now I’m not. Though I guess if It had been a little over 5 years I had to of seen it coming, and it wasn’t really fair that I did leave, I'll admit that. I turned on the corner, my feet pacing on the wet pavement one after another. I had no intention of discussing why I left because obviously, that would turn to an argument. One of us would get upset and leave (me), and the other would cry herself to sleep as always (her). It was already planned out in my head. I wanted to catch up, that was all, was she even happy to see me?

And so as I walk up the street I see a tall girl (taller than me at 4’7 anyways) with sunset hair standing in the rain with a red umbrella. I had no umbrella, I didn’t realize it was going to rain. She had been prepared, as always, shown up early, as always, but has not gone inside to which I found strange. I waved, not very sure of what to do. I haven’t seen her in over a year, my instincts didn’t tell me that hello is better than the awkward wave. She did awkward wave back which made me feel slightly better.

“Hey,” was all I managed to spit out before averting my eyes. She was gorgeous. Still.

“Hey,” she said sharply. I wasn’t sure if her personality had changed so much or if she was just generally upset to be here.

Entering the bistro with her behind me, I continued,”You got here early.”

“Yeah,” she sighed,”I had like a three-hour drive and I thought it would take longer.”

“How long have you been waiting?” I asked as I smiled at the waitress who gladly showed us to our booth.

“Just ten minutes, not that bad,” she assures me as we sat down.

“Good,” I shrug, drinking some of my water. I look at her and smile, figuring I should at least try to be friendly, “So how have you been?”

“I’ve been.., alright I guess? I’m sure you heard about-”

“Yeah, sorry,” I cut her off, it was kind of rude but I didn’t think we should start our conversation talking about suicide, I already get enough of that.

She sighs, “Yeah. Thanks for that letter by the way.”

“Oh of course,” I smile, unsure if she had actually read it, "I thought that I should reach out."

She nodded, sipping her water and ordering a small coffee. I ordered the same. “And how have you been?” She asks.

“Alright, some things could be better.

“Yeah, me too,” she coughs, "Well update me on your life I guess, I wouldn’t want to have driven out here for small talk.” She smiles, raising an eyebrow.

I laugh, “Alright Zelly, whatever you find interesting. I have a boyfriend, I think, I honestly don’t know what we are but it’s been okay I guess. I think we are okay. I think a lot,” I say, and she laughs.

“I know you do.”

“Yeah,” I rest my arm on the table, watching her. “Anyways I kinda sorta said some things while I was drunk-”

“You’re drinking again?”

“I’m trying not to” I continued, "to my friend and drove him to almost killing himself, and then I had flown out to see him in the hospital and we kissed, and then I tried to kill myself-”

“I’ve been there. Actually though, I’ll tell you after, sorry finish your story.”

“You’re fine,” I smiled slightly, "and called the only person I wanted to care about me in that moment who convinced me not to. I went back home in the morning, I had lost my best friend as well, Calla Maven, you know her right?”

Hazel nodded, “Briefly.”

“So that’s where I am right now. You?”

“Well,” she cracked her knuckles and I smiled, and she smiled,”I met this girl through Tinder in the hospital who introduced me to her sister, and we started dating. Then I left her due to depression, anxiety, and panic attacks, and then I guess she tried to kill herself because of it? I don’t know the full story. Then the wedding…,-”

“Jesus, don't remind me of that,” I laughed subtly.

“I’m sorry, I just-”

“I know, it’s fine.”

She nodded, continuing, “Um, well I’ve been off the grid for a while after that, been writing up at my aunt's house in New York State.”

“How’s your book coming along?”

“It’s alright, I honestly don’t know if people will read it though.”

“I’m sure they will,” I said as comfortingly as I could, “What’s it about?”

“It’s kind of a collection of diary entries I wrote in the hospital, and what happened after.”

“Oh joy, do I make a debut?” I laughed, raising an eyebrow.

She winked and smiled,”No surprises. You’ll have to figure that out when I finish it.”

Hazel

I look at her, the girl I hadn’t seen in so long, and wondered what to say next. I guess you could say it was nice, talking to my old best friend. She was my best friend before a girlfriend after all. The thought pressing me continued pressing, and finally, I had to say it.

“Why did you leave?” I ask quietly, all playfulness is gone in my expression. She looks at me, seriousness and sadness filling her face as well.

“Not now Zelle, please.”

I shook my head,”You just left Kat, never told me where you were going or who you were going with, or-”

“If you think my reasoning was there was someone else, there wasn’t.”

I laughed, “Why don’t I deserve an explanation?”

“You do, just please, not now. Not after so long..”

I rolled my eyes, fighting back the tears that had been building up in the back of my head for so long. I just wanted to make her watch me cry, to make her feel guilty for leaving me cold and alone in this diner those few years ago. It was beginning to rain more now, as I looked out the window it filled me up inside and continued filling and filling, never stopping. As if it was a figment of my imagination, the rain. It stayed content with just being there, always being called and always feeling sorry for itself because it had nothing better to do than being there. No one better to be with than just pour from the sky like it’s supposed to. I stayed silent for several minutes, I heard her say my name a few times but every other sound was blocked out by my own screaming. I had gotten so much better. I had begun to feel whole and then it all collapsed again. I had met another girl and then I continued to break even more with her there mending it for me. I just kept breaking like a never ending chain I kept breaking and I wouldn’t stop. I still can’t stop. And here she goes just showing up again. Out of the blue like she always does. And I do love her, I’ve never stopped and it’s something that’s gotten harder to admit but I do. I always will.

“Hazel? I’m sorry,” she pleads, and I finally hear her say it this time. And I finally realize, she can’t tell me because she truly doesn’t know. And the filling stopped. Because I had never done anything wrong.

I look at her, unsure of what idiotic thing I would mutter next. “You don’t have a reason do you?” I ask her, my eyes glossed over with a clear layer.

She looks down, “I'm sorry.”

“So you left me for no reason then?” I ask, my tone slightly aggravated, the hurt and pain cutting through.

“No.”

“Then just f*****g tell me already Kat!” I laugh, looking at her, “You ask me here, without barely hearing from you since and you just make subtle conversation? You won’t tell me why you left? Fine. But you better have a f*****g reason because you were the best thing that had ever happened to me, and to leave like that without a reason?"

“I just,” she sighs, looking up, her eyes glossed over by the same invisible tears, 'I can’t. I can’t even muster the words, part of me knows why and part of me doesn’t. It’s a tangle of webs that I'm stuck in, I can’t get out. I’m sorry I can’t tell you, not now, not yet anyway. But someday, I promise, I will.”

I look at her, trying to search her face for her reaction, “I should go,” I say at last.

“Hazel, please,” she says, looking at me in the way, if this was two years ago, I wouldn’t have even thought of leaving.

“Just let me have one night?” I ask,”Let me have one night,” I sigh, getting up, “And I’ll call you tomorrow if you just let me.”

Kat

For once I look at her. I really look at her and I see all that I've put her through. I see all the pain that I have caused for her, the hurt and the blood and the tears. And I understand why she would never want to talk to me again. “Okay,” I say, as I watch her head up the small stone steps and back into the pouring rain.

I sit here, waiting for her to walk back. But she doesn’t, not this time, and I wonder if she will actually call me again tomorrow. Or maybe, though it would be a first, she would never call again. And I would be left to hope and wonder just as she had, just as I never did.