Breath, Blood, and Tears

For Dominic, the heart of the dead tree outside that reaches to the moon. I am sad that I was there, but more hurt because I could only watch.

Running out of breathe
Escaping darkness
Room closing in
Hear my screams

Wolves howling
Cats screaming
Bats schreeching
Moon comes out to play

Blood drippping from
My dark green eyes
Crying tears of red
Blackened sanity

Hearts about to burst
Slowly killing me
Might as well stab
Me in the chest

I reach out my hand
Hanging from a cliff
I'm about to fall, but
No one grabs my hand

Falling into
Darkened eternity
Blood dripping from
My dark green eyes

Bones breaking in me
Can't move my arms
I'm going to get crushed
When will the pain end?

As the once fallen boy
Comes out to destroy me
I scream and I pray
Why doesn't God help me?

Bleeding all over him
Hunched against a wall
Knife stabbed into me
Hear my screams

Author's Note

This is about someone special and I want to make it better, so be brutal but honest in your comments, please.

Reviews

[Miya]

This is really sad :/

[Dizzy D]

Oooo creepy :D

I like

[Wharton]

Well it's not my kind of writing for it seems too overly dramatic and too much and all at once. There doesn't seem to be a build up to the horror so when it happens I have nothing invested to make me alarmed. But that is just me, others will probably see it differently. I did like the idea of the roo closing in, being hard to brethe, that did set the scene, but maybe it should have been a little longer, the set up to the horrors. I always like to see a little punctuation, especially where clarity is concerned, but aain, that is just me. I didn't mind the short lines, they were actually somewhat effective in the delivery.

The stanza:

I reach out my hand
Hanging from a cliff
I'm about to fall, but
No one grabs my hand

for me seemed the most realistic as it could give me an insight into the speaker's emotional state.

[Edalene Connell]

I really enjoyed this poem. It is so very vivid. A wonderful piece indeed.

[Anna]

slight error line 7, *screeching.

I really enjoyed reading this. -Very nice job. The sheer simplicity of it allows readers to connect far better with this piece; as we all have our a fair share of bad experiences.. My favorite line was "I scream and I pray
Why doesn't God help me?" That just gives me chills. I think many would agree: in times of desperation and pain, that question just begs to be asked.