Yarns of Dreams

Dreams were compactly knit. All the knots were embracing each other with warmth. It was looking flawless: the patterns, the colors, and the imagery. But then, suddenly all changed. One tangled knot. And in the motion of unknotting it, the whole thing fell apart. Only mere threads rolled out from the knitting yarn and lied on the cold floor, and the knitting needles pierced through the heart to dig out the lost dream.

Thereon, only breathing meant living. Only spending one more day proved life. The rhetoric “life” was on strange paths; paths that seemed unfamiliar and indefinite. The short lived happiness turned into poison.  The heart thumped at the surprise of the moments. The breath inhaled and exhaled indifferently. That is veracity. What was lacking?

Those nights when the stars shimmered brightly and the eyes sparkled before the eyelids fell to breed dreams, were long gone. Now the body lied on the bed, staring pointlessly at the ceiling, in a deception. Searched for the lively soul that got stolen. The feet walked alone and stopped alone. The head turned around to see if anyone, anything, is holding those lost dreams. Or, a new yarn worth mingling with. But the gaze always returned, disappointed.

The showering rain was powerful enough to hide the tear droplets. The thunder was only good to cover the howls and sobs. The golden shores that were once found, why was it swallowed by a whirlpool?

What was being leaned against got snatched away, gifting bruises and scars. Reliance: a burnt desert. Hopefulness is foggy. And with homeless resilience, I am only naive.

Author's Note

Please feel free to leave a feedback.

Reviews

[.]

Very strongly worded, a very descriptive write.

I am sensing a love lost in this story. How the love was carefully cultivated only to end up in a knot and fall apart, sweeping away the hopes and dreams of the writer in the process. That is an experience that we all can relate to. A very impressive metaphor used throughout, that of a life, hopes and dreams, a love weaved together like a knitted cloth. Nicely done.
This is your story. I have read the review below. Take things from it you find constructive, and forget the rest. No man is an island, Fahmida. We are merely all waves on the sea. None better or greater than the other.
Your story, in its brevity, made complete sense to me. Keep writing!

[Érenn]

Ok Fahmida my first time reviewing you. Know full well I am blunt about what I like and dislike about any prose or poetry, and I kept a few things in mind when judging this write. So here are my thoughts:

Language: Your vocabulary is really good, I definitely loved the way you started it, a very philosophical yet surreal feel to it. Also the imagery you invoke in this write is superb, loved it a lot. Next I would talk about the flow, since this is a short write, the flow should be maintained with a lot more ease and you do just that so well done. Well there were a few grammatical errors that need to be rectified I shall state them soon. Another thing that I like about the write is the tone. Very subtle changes in the voice could be sensed as the prose moved on, so you have done a good job. Superb!!

Pacing: I know there is nothing much about the build up, but then again there is pacing of the write, which I believe is mostly maintained. Although sometimes I feel you are just repeating the same thing in a different manner, so maybe when you read it again you can figure out how to get that rectified. Another thing about this write is rhythm in the write almost poetic like, credit goes to the vocabulary you have showcased here that paints such vivid imagery. So that's one thing I definitely liked.

Story Quality: It was short but had quite the message and philosophy present. So I give it 9/10( I always believe us writers are never satisfied with our works and try to work on it countless times making it better with each rewrite or modifications) The content starts very dream like, but then the bomb of reality and that of nightmares are thrown into the mix which makes this write quite dark, even the ending showed no real silver lining, so there are quite contrasting aspects expressed here. And you have done well in the tonal transitions as well as transitions from the light to dark to darker. So well done.

Okay now the errors I found that I believe you must take care of:

And in the motion of unknotting it, the whole [thing/dream] fell apart. You missed a word which I mentioned in [] s.

"Only mere threads (rolled out) from the knitting yarn lay on the cold floor..." I believe you are trying to point the fact that they are already present and the line isn't increasing in length.

".....paths that (seemed) unfamiliar and indefinite." You need to maintain your tense.

Similar occurrences are present throughout the story. If you start with one tense maintain it. You have started off with simple past so it should be maintained. Unless and of course I am mistaken here.

"But the gaze always returned disappointed. " not 'returns back', many make this error. 'return' and 'back' mean the same thing, thus you only use return here.


Well I think that's about it.

Conclusion: I liked the overall content. It may not be an engaging read for everybody since not all could have such tastes in reading, plus one could pass it saying it's too serious, but that's a very small fraction of the crowd. The majority of the readers I believe will be able to identify or understand or feel the emotions that are present throughout the write. So Nicely done. ^^ Thank you for sharing ^^

P.S I have a tendency to skip words since my mind's running faster than my hands. Hopefully no important word missed that would make my statement vague or give it a different meaning all together. Also I hope I didn't sound harsh or mean, if I did I deeply apologise for I had no such intention except for stating my honest opinions on the write