What I Have Learned From Being Disabled

When my health problems began, I always thought I would get better, good as new and go on with my life, just as I had known it to be.
I thought that, surgery after surgery, complication after complication, new problem after new problem, until, one morning, fifteen years later, it hit me like a ton of bricks! I was not going to get better. I wasn't going to be able to go back to work. I wasn't going to be able to ride motorcycles n the desert, play in the woman's softball league or go on roller coasters anymore, take long hikes in the mountains or go bowling, etc., etc. I cried for a long, long time.

It took me fifteen years to face reality. It's like going into mourning over the death of someone near and dear to you. The you, whom you have known so well, is gone. All the verbs and adjectives you formerly spoke to describe yourself, who you are, what you do, don't apply, anymore. Sense of self is shattered.

In America, what is the most common way of defining ourselves to others? What is one of the first questions asked of you at a party?
"What do you do?" In other words, how do you make your money? How do you contribute to society? What is your VALUE?

Being disabled, unable to work, in my head, I heard myself saying, "No job, nothing to contribute." That, basically, sums up what becoming disabled felt like for me...having no value.

The lessons I have learned from becoming disabled are not trifling. I have learned that a human being can endure so much more pain, than they ever imagined.

I have learned that a person may be terribly disabled yet, not look like they are disabled. I have learned, that for many people, if they cannot see the disability, they don't believe it. For these people, karma will teach them much.

I have learned that everyone needs a purpose, a reason to go on, a reason to live. May God help them discover some purpose, no matter how small or they will shrivel up and die; if not physically, then surely, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

I have learned that I do not, always, gracefully accept my condition. That there WILL be days when I feel like throwing a temper tantrum, like a two year old, because of these cards I was dealt.

I have learned to be a more sympathetic, empathetic person. I have learned to be thankful for the little things. I have learned that the little things can mean the most in life.

I am sure, that I will continue to learn many things, from being disabled.


04/01/2010

 

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I like your attitude in this story. Disability can make us re-think our life and goals. I like the honest statements and understanding of life and what we must do. Thank you for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote

[Samuel Dickens]

You and I have traveled very similar roads and arrived at like destinations, Barbara. Like you, I was knocked sideways by a disability, but my realization of it's impact was almost immediate and didn't take years. Furthermore, it caused changes in me that went way beyond the physical and made me see with different eyes. I'll bet you know what I mean.

[Barbara Walker]

I was looking at some of my writing and saw your name. How are you, Samuel?

[Samuel Dickens]

I'm still kickin'. It's nice to see you are, too.

[Barbara Walker]

I often wonder how I am still here! The list of health problems just keeps getting longer and my bank account emptier! But what can you do?? Lol