My Poison

written for a contest on something you are/were addicted to.

I am addicted to a product that has been around for a long, long time and is even considered legal, if you are over the age of 18. Cigarettes are my poison. I have been addicted to them for forty-two years now.

The first time I smoked was when my twin sister, my best friend and I, decided to buy a pack of cigarettes, out of a machine, at the neighborhood service station. (They called them service stations back then, because they actually gave you the service of filling your tank, checking your car's oil and the tire pressure, water in the radiator, etc., etc.) I don't remember if buying the cigarettes was something we discussed at length. I do remember that they were twenty-six cents. Such a deal!

We did discuss which brand we would purchase. All three of us were sure we wanted a filter cigarette. Like today, Marlboro was the popular brand, so that's what we decided we would puff on. One of us put the money in the machine and to this day, I'm not sure exactly what happened, but, out popped a pack of Pall Mall's, unfiltered! We groaned in disappointment, but, we were determined to do the deed! We asked the attendant for a pack of matches and he willingly obliged.

We took our booby prize to the canyon near our homes and lit up. There was coughing, gasping and the spitting of tobacco that got on our lips, but, we smoked that cigarette! We agreed that Pall Mall, unfiltered cigarettes, had to be the worst cigarette in the world and we would be sure to get Marlboro next time.

That's how I began my addiction, thinking I was cool and sophisticated! It's amazing how our culture buys into whatever the market men are pushing. How many purchases made because a person just had to have whatever the latest commercial was heralding? Pushing you to buy this, pushing you to buy that.  Car pusher, band-aid pusher, shaving cream pusher, cigarette pusher, drug pusher.

Forty-two years ago, they didn't have a cancer warning on the package. Truth be told, I don't know if that would have stopped me. I'd like to think I would have been smart enough to take heed of the warning, but, mortality wasn't on my mind much, at that age.

Now, you would think that mortality would certainly be on my mind forty-two years later and it does cross my mind, now and again. Even though they now have the cancer warning, are banished from airplanes, eating establishments, bars, most people's homes, smells awful, stinks up your hair, your clothes,  your house, your car and sometimes, doesn't even taste good, I still smoke cigarettes.

That's what an addiction is. Against everything that makes sense, you do it, anyway. 

I love my first cigarette in the morning with my cup of coffee. I like to smoke while I'm driving or when I take a break from working hard. I  tried to quit, once. The problem isn't going without a cigarette when I have my coffee, when driving my car or even, when I take a break, after working hard. The problem is when I've gone without and my body begins to crave that nicotine! CRAVE IT!! I'm talking about the, I've GOT to have one NOW, craving, where I can't think of anything else, can't concentrate, don't TALK to me, I'm ranting and raving and I become SUPER B***H! 

My daughter was nine years old, the first time that I attempted to quit. She is now forty. I look back on that second day of no cigarettes with deep shame. I became such a raving lunatic, my daughter said, "Mommy, please, have a cigarette!" And I did.

So, though I know it isn't socially acceptable anymore and my perfume probably doesn't do a thing to cover up that nasty smell and depending on where I am, it's a b***h to find an area I can light up in and it's not good for my health and there are times,even I, don't like the dry taste, I still smoke because I have a nicotine addiction and I admit, I am powerless over this demon that is poisoning me!

Anybody gotta' light?

 

Author's Note

Judge harshly, if you must.

Reviews

[Dr Ayaz chandio]

nice work...and very well described too...addiction is bad but good enough to get you out of worst sometimes...

[Coyote Poetry]

My mother is in the same boat as you. Her sixty of smoking will land her in the grave. I like the cigar with a beer. I use to like to watch a sport game at the sport bar. No smoking. No Johnnie at the bar anymore. I like your story. Poor John Wayne led us to the cigarettes. Thank you for the entertaining story.
Coyote

[Legion]

The true face of addiction and by definition insanity as well.