Autobiography

I WROTE THIS SOME YEARS AGO, SO IT'S NOT UP TO DATE ON MY LIFE.

 

I began in the usual way,

then came learning to crawl

and walking.

Suddenly, I was old enough

to ride in a wagon

and I was Annie Oakley,

as I said, "Hands up, Mister!"

 

As my world grew larger,

I was building forts, burying treasure

and hunting for spiders and snakes.

I was pretty good at baseball,

kickball and tether ball, too,

and I did okay on roller skates.

 

I'd fish in a neighbor's pond

and bait your hook for you,

I hiked in the mountains

and searched for arrowheads, too.

I rode my bike everywhere

and drove our go-cart to the max,

there wasn't much I wouldn't dare.

 

When I grew up,

one of my favorite things to do,

was taking drives in my car;

to the beach, to hear the waves crashing

and watch the seagulls circle and soar,

to the desert, climbing dunes,

relishing the sun,

to the mountains, smelling nature's sweet perfume

and gazing at spring flowers

and more-

I'd ride my motorcycle on city streets

and in the desert,

how I loved the whoop-de-do's.

 

I played on a woman's softball league;

I was clean-up batter, played first  and third

and I was a first rate catcher.

I was on a bowling league,

team name-Afternoon Delight!

Our main goal was to have fun,

me, Kathy and Sissy Whyte.

 

As for work, one job always led to another,

better hours, better pay.

I raised my kids the best I could,

I tried to pay my way.

Just when I was at a place in life,

I was really glad to be,

just when I could feel secure,

it all came crumbling down upon me.

 

I've gone through some horrid times-

no money, no friends, no home,

with people treating me, as if,

I'd committed heinous crimes. 

I thought being robbed of my trust in others,

was the worst that could happen to me,

but I find there is another,

as pain strips me of my dignity.

 

It robs me of my self-control,

my sense of-this is who I am-

is lost, it's gone to hell.

Once dignity is lost,

it's quite difficult to regain.

It's as if you've been seen naked,

you can never be seen as the same.

 

One goes through life,

thinking, as far as the body goes,

it won't change much from day to day.

Your thoughts never about an injury,

changing your life in a heartbreaking way.

 

Everyday in every way,

I'm losing more of me.

How much more

can a shattered vase break?

 

06/02/03

Reviews

[Mark D. Chevalier]

It was interesting that so much of our poem was dedicated to what came before. Roller skating, bowling with friends, ocean drives, softball...
I suppose that for those of us that have experienced something that takes us apart at the seams, those tend to be the things we cling to. Helping us to get through them because we know that something better is waiting on the other side, even if we're not sure what that something is.
You can be sure of one thing Barbara. You survived, you grew and in the end won the battle. Because you're still here, and a gifted poet to boot!
All the best,
Mark

[Amanda]

life has it ups and down, and i can relate to some extent on what you have gone through in your life. it is said that what doesn't defeat us, makes us stronger and i see that no matter what life has dealt you, you have strived to overcome it.

although the pain you live with is a constant, you try to see what there is still to accomplish. don't let the pain win; you are still fighting the good fight. may the lord give you the strength to continue to do what you can.

Always,

Amanda

[Samuel Dickens]

It sounds an awful lot like my own story. The things you did when young, and then the hard times. We have taken similar paths, it seems. I have recovered from the hard times, and I hope you have too.