Especially On Windy, Rainy Days

I wrote this on a windy, rainy day

There are those kinds of days laziness occurs in so many ways. The wind will blow crisp and clean and clouds will guarantee the rains. I pick a new book to read; a snack and coffee are all I need. As I nestle in my comfy chair, I gaze around my cozy lair. I find myself brushing away a tear, at memories of when you lived here.
I miss our love, our easy ways, especially on windy, rainy days. How can people who make such good friends, begin so well and then they end? It brings such sorrow to my heart, that what we had fell apart. I know everything has its season and for everything there is a reason. I'm glad I have happy memories to think upon, of the times we shared a special bond. In my life, you played a loving part and you'll always have a special place in my heart. On windy, rainy days, I think of you in so many ways.

Reviews

[Anne Martin]

Let me say first that I don't hold back on reviews, so I don't review that often, and usually not poetry. Many of my reviews are of a technical nature. I'm not one to just say I loved it. If I review it, your work has said something to me beyond the ordinary.

You know my antipathy towards rhyming poetry, so I won't belabor it. I would have liked to see this formatted as couplets or couplet pairs, so the rhymes are more evident, and with them the meter.

There are those kinds of days
Laziness occurs in so many ways.

The wind will blow crisp and clean
And clouds will guarantee the rains.

(I don't think you need plural on rain. It further obscures the near-rhyme.)

6/10/6/8 beats for those lines. I'm fine with asymmetrical metric patterns, but the first couplet seems unbalanced, with the second line 4 beats longer than the first. Going on, sometimes the second line is longer than the first, which feels like it turns the beat around. In my opinion (and you can take it or leave it), you could stand to pay more attention to the beats and their patterns. As you might see from my poetry, the beat is everything. Even if I don't rhyme, I am constantly engaged with the rhythm, especially if I'm doing something asymmetric. To me, it is the rhythm that makes rhyme work. (I confess, I'm a professional musician.)

With all the talk of wind, rain, and clouds, I think you missed a trick here. Use the weather as a metaphor for the lost relationship. What about the wind and rain reminds you of the relationship? Think about it.

I was trying to find a poem that illustrated these points. Rather than pick one of mine, try: http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/AtlantaCarter/274318/ This one uses rain as a metaphor.

This is my favorite, though: http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/AtlantaCarter/358820/ Notice the rhythm here, where each stanza ends with 3 beat line, some of which just stop the reader cold (in a good way). Some people don't like the repetition, but it's one of his quirks - he can be like a method actor sometimes.

Take all of this with a grain of salt. Your poem is very much a sentiment that I frequently work in, so it connects with me on a deep level. Well done. ~A

[Barbara Walker]

I deeply appreciate lengthly reviews. I know how much thought and time go into them. Always want true reviews and learning is always ongoing! Thank you.

[wordman]

well it is raining here tonight,we all have memories of special people or times that rainy days can start the process,i enjoyed the poem,,love your avatair

[1VJ]

The sentiment is so affecting, especially since it is raining! Beautifully expressed, I wasn't sure about the format as poetry but it kind of grew on me. :)

[Barbara Walker]

Thank you for reading! I wasn't too sure of the format either. When I began, I thought it was going to be more of a journal entry and when I finished writing I was more aware of the rhyme and thought about rewriting it in stanza form but left it as is. It grew on me, also!

[1VJ]

It works, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. :) My pleasure.

[Adam Adams]

ahan... u sound kinky, perhaps also quite bewitched with paradox of bewildered memories.

well, everyone has memories -- the memories that oft. stop us moving ahead, doin' new things, makin anew port of validate memories. i believe, whatever memories r 'bout, one thing is sure, they oft. either make us all feel good or ... bad. in ur case, it's all 'bout happiness which further allowed ur present to stir things away with anew withdrawal of life. kinda deep. and proactive poetry u come up with.

rain's amazing by the way. It's fun makin' memories in so-called "rain". lol

[1]

Beautiful write! Though its theme is sentimental and teary, there is a strum of warmth that tugs at both sides of the heart. You made wonderful music in rhythm, my dear!

[Barbara Walker]

Thank you!

[Einstein Noodle]

awwwwwwwwwwww! you .... "...just wrote it like that" ...quote from https://youtu.be/TuFEwqeOTyQ
i have a picture in my mind right away ...breakups don't have to always be full of anger, regret and vengeance ... it can be hard to say goodbye with retaining those fond memories which were enjoyed .. i like the place your writing put me in ...so many people i remember and wish to see them again .. but have no idea where they are ... sad and grateful for the experiences we shared.
E.

[Barbara Walker]

Hi E.
Glad you liked it! This one practically wrote itself. I think it's amazing when that happens!

[Einstein Noodle]

yes ...i agree :)

[Cole Hayley]

the poem really takes a turn at "memories of when you lived here". i felt the nostalgia and grief. i also loved the ending line.

[Barbara Walker]

Thank you Cole, very much!

[Rene Velez]

Beautiful flow of emotions here, I felt cozy reading this, well enjoyed, and I would like to say, memories we keep forever.

[Barbara Walker]

Thank you, Rene, very much!

[YouoweYoupay]

The rain speaks to us of many things and people. The sound of it on its own is enough to wash the anxiety and ill thoughts.

"I pick a new book to read; a snack and coffee are all I need."

And to that I say Amen and to that I say indeed. :)

Keep writing on those calming rainy days. Thank you for sharing your longing with us.

-Rain.

[Barbara Walker]

Thank you, Rain!

[Gee]

A tender, sweet write on love, friendship. Am a sucker for rhyming verse so liked this lots

[Barbara Walker]

Thank you, Gee!