Life

This is actually an essay or a journal entry, if you will. My thoughts on life with disability.

               

 

Life, LIFE, is made up out of all the activities that thought inspires.

 

Inspiration and will can take us to the heights that bring personal fulfillment

 

and deep satisfaction. From the pursuit of what satisfies us, whatever our

 

interests, comes the inner happiness and sense of accomplishment that sets

 

us apart from other species. These pursuits to fulfillment are academic,

 

recreational, work and family oriented.

 

 

PERSONAL PURSUITS, INVOLVEMENT, PARTICIPATION, ACTION.

 

 

Chronic pain and disability stifle these areas of my life. Many, many of the

 

activities that would bring me happiness and fulfillment are outright

 

impossible to achieve. Playing softball, running to owning and running my

 

own business are examples of just a few of the activities which would bring

 

personal fulfillment.

 

 

Those few activities that are within reach are the ordinary, everyday tasks of

 

life...the soup of life, when what is desired and craved, is the main course

 

and dessert. I am forever hungry. Personal pursuit, satisfaction and

 

fulfillment are denied for a lifetime. What is felt is frustration, wanting and

 

dreams never to be realized. Though spirit aches with desire, want, NEED, the

 

body's inability to get off the ground, produces an inner sadness that is felt

 

each and every moment of each and every day.

 

 

My family and friends will likely never know the full depth and breadth of

 

what I am feeling. I don't want to be a complainer. I am appreciative of the

 

things I can do. In my efforts to be more like the able-bodied in outward

 

appearance, I will not disclose this inner sadness to its full degree. I do not

 

want our differences to be made so obvious.

 

 

As my ability to simply manage the soup of life is doled out in tiny blocks of

 

time by pain medication and my dreams have been grounded by pain and

 

disability, my spirit is engulfed in sadness by the unrealized satisfaction and

 

fulfillment that could have made me fly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                          

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

　

 

 

Reviews

[Maxine]

This is truly lovely in all aspects of the word and all it implies, and I must simply thank-you for the bravery you showed in posting this. It's beautiful and sad yet has hope, and though I can not emphasize fully with your position, I can give you my full and utter empathy in the parts I do understand :) I won't give you sympathy, simply because you clearly need none, you seem to be strong and willful all on your own! This entry is powerful and wonderful, your lines clear and clean and precise yet lyrical in the depth and emotion.

Pure magic, and perfectly beautiful as always :)

[Dean Kuch®]

I share and sympathize with your sentiments, Barbara. I, too, am disabled. Bad heart, I only have 20% of it's function remaining. Because of my particular ailment, I am unable to do many of the things I used to enjoy so much. Taking an early morning jog (although, I still walk each morning to collect my thoughts), sky-dive (I've logged over 40 static line jumps, and 20 free-falls), rock climbing, roller coater riding (I still cheat here sometimes, much to the scolding of my wife!)...So many things I miss.

So, what do I do? I write, I write with a fervent passion. When you pour your heart into a particular piece and it's appreciated, that's such a euphoric high. It can't top jumping out of an airplane at 12,000 feet, but it comes close!


"Those few activities that are within reach are the ordinary, everyday tasks of life...the soup of life, when what is desired and craved, is the main course and dessert. I am forever hungry"--->I loved these lines in your narrative. Poignantly written, beautifully said.

[Barbara Walker]

Thank you so much, Dean! Yes, that part pretty much sums up how I feel in a nutshell! I am sorry you can relate to this so well, because I wouldn't wish anyone's wings to be clipped, but especially a friend. I do a lot less than I used to, but I give it my all and that's the best anyone can do! Ah, I have a love of roller coasters, too. I finally got to ride one at California Adventure! Since theree is a plate and 6 screws holding my neck together, Family went on iit first, to check it out for me. It was 2 against one that it would be okay. My sister was so scared for me but I HAD to ride it. Just kept my head back against the seat. I didn't stop laughing the entire ride. It was a blast!

[carol burgess romance]

Thank you for sharing into your private life.....my husband has been living in pain and in a wheelchair for the last ten years...his pain changed who we were and who we are and who we have become...God Bless you and may you find relief in certain beauties that others miss...may your eyes catch glimpses of rainbows that brighten your days

[Barbara Walker]

Thank you so much Carol. You and your husband have my empathy and sympathy. Your one sentence says it all-pain has changed who we were and who we are and who we have become. I wish doctors understood that we don't want to be this way.

[Gobinder Singh Dhindsa]

Very good writing. Keep it up. Do u read mine writings Why and Anguish?

[Barbara Walker]

Thank you! I did review your poems.

[Gobinder Singh Dhindsa]

Welcome

[Coyote Poetry]

I have known people who had great pain and lived a normal life. Few people understood their pain. I know pain is hard to live with. Your poem told a true story. Hard to share misery and pain with family. We want them not to worry. My wise Grandfather told me. Keep the bad news away from the family. They worry enough. I hope you are feeling better. I wish for a miracle cure for you. Thank you for sharing the thoughts and your words.
Coyote

[Barbara Walker]

Thank you my friend. I don't want to bum people out but writing helps me get all of this out of me. I am thankful for the things I can do.

[Craig2591]

I have been temporarily disabled a few times in my life and it was an eye opener! It's amazing how many things we take for granted. You describe it well.

[Barbara Walker]

Thank you! I'm sorry you had to experience disability even temporarily.

[Craig2591]

No. It's okay. Such things teach us to appreciate what we have. It sounds terrible, but I think everyone should experience a temporary disability from time to time. It makes us better people.

[s y e]

I think life when you're fine is hard but living life when you have a disability would be 100 times harder, there is a lot more help needed when you have a disability. Depending on what is wrong with you, you can't really do anything massive, if you get me. I mean, I was totally ecstatic when I found out that on 'The Voice' for the first time; there was a woman there who was 90% blind. She couldn't see a thing and I thought it was amazing that she has gone right through to the lives and she didn't let it stop her- but some people thing that having a disability is a bad thing, it's not. I think if you don't let it bug it's great, if you can find that little bit of confidence and live life to the max then good on you.

An interesting write. I enjoyed the read.

~ Noodle.

[John Phoenix Hutchinson..]

An interesting insight to your inner suffering and how you cope.

Check this chap out very inspirational to me and you might like too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zeb-k-XzaI

[Barbara Walker]

Thank you John. He is amazing!