Besotted

adjective; strongly infatuated

Inspiration is everywhere,

When I’m with you,

I can see right through,

All of my bullshit,

All of my fear,

All of my insecurities, 

And all of my tears.

With you at my side,

I find I’m more willing to provide, 

Though my nature is to hide,

From my own internal shine,

You make me want to cross all my lines,

That I drew, 

In the sand, 

Long ago, 

To prevent pain, 

In anyway,

In comes the rain,

Now soaking us through,

Now washing away this blue, 

Now holding you to your truth, 

As a smile lights up my face, 

And we hold each other in place.

Reviews

[willweb]

I liked this and know this feeling. I can relate to this scenario whether I know the other person or not because I have been there with my own. Poetry is supposed to be just this, giving the reader something he or she can interpret the way they chose. Though in my opinion, a poem is what the poets is feeling at the time and it is their choice to write what they want. Beautifully done.

[K.P.H.M]

Thank you for your review Will! I do like that this piece can be interpreted in many ways and I enjoy that about poetry as well. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[JayG]

• Inspiration is everywhere, When I’m with you,

Why thank you, sweetie. I feel the— Wait a minute. Who are you, any why are you stalking me?

My point? This is someone the reader doesn't know, talking to someone not introduced, talking about things for which you give no context. So while it works for you, who have intent and context guiding you, it can't be anything but words in a row, meaning uncertain for the reader.

A the moment, you're focusing on talking TO the reader, explaining and reporting, using the fact-based approach to writing we're given in school. And your editing is done from the chair of the author, who begins reading with full understanding. So anything the reader will see as missing context has that missing context filled in as you read, and you see no problem.

But readers don't want to learn about us. They want us to entertain them by making them feel and care. And that takes a set of skills we're not given in school—the skills developed over centuries of writing poetry.

Because they're missing, you're rhyming at random—now and then, and here and there, while ignoring prosody, which is the very heart of poetry.

Not the kind of news you were hoping to hear, I know. But since the problems are invisible to the author, and we'll never address the problem we don't see as being one, I thought you might want to know, especially as they're fixable.

For structured poetry, a really great intro is the excerpt from Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon is eye-opening. It should be required reading for all poets and fiction writers.

For poetry, in general, Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook is a quick way to get up to speed. The lady is brilliant. You can download a readable copy at the address below, but in the end, you'll want your own hard-copy.

https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[K.P.H.M]

Thank you for your review! I appreciate you taking the time to comment on my poetry. I see your point and completely understand what you mean. I’m of the belief that I will always been learning when it comes to anything in life, so I appreciate the constructive criticism. I will check out those books you recommended.