Despondent

adjective; in low spirts from loss or courage

I sit in the corner, 

Polite smile plastered on my lips,

I can feel all eyes on me, 

Though would prefer to remain unseen,

Holding me in judgement for all to see,

I am trapped in this display,

All too aware of the role I have to play.

 

Gracefully dancing in and out of the shade,

This cold glass in my hand, 

Is providing a life raft.

Never showing who I really am, 

Is causing me to loose my grip on reality, 

Yellow wallpaper lining the walls now, 

As I dig my nails through my skin, 

In hopes to tether myself to here and now. 

What can you do

When being who you really are,

Can destroy you through and through?

Subservient in every way, 

I am here to obey. 

Constantly adjusting myself,

To met the desires of others,

While leaving mine on the shelf.

And they all call me, 

The luckiest alive, 

As I search to find the bottom of this bottle of wine, 

Wishing to pause time. 

I know exactly what they want from me.

And I happily deliver it every time, 

Though it causes me great pain,

I could never complain.

I long to leave this all behind,

But I am stuck here,

Confined.

Forever bound to be apart of a charade, 

Until the final crusade.

What can you do

When being who you really are,

Can destroy you through and through?

Reviews

[Ciara]

People are often told "don't worry, just be yourself".
So easy for some but for many others there are strategies employed and hard work undertaken to NOT be themselves because of anxiety or depression or other struggles that need to be managed in order to have healthy relationships. 💛

[K.P.H.M]

Thank you for your review! You absolutely nailed the main theme of this piece. It can suffocating not being able to be yourself or feeling like you can't be yourself. Thank you again for your comment!

[Ciara]

You're welcome 🙂💛

[willweb]

It is as if I am in a room and I am spinning around, everything passing by is a blur except this one girl trying to hide within the confusion but somehow she is what stands out. In this poem your repeated stanza is what stands out to me and it makes me wonder why. Why can being who you truly are destroy you through and through. That sounds like something put into her head by someone else. Just my thoughts. I really like how this poem read.

[K.P.H.M]

Thank you for review! The repeated stanza is definitely something that the protagonist constantly overthinks. I'm glad the imagery I was trying to convey got through!