Solitary

adjective; being, living, or going alone or without companions

I didn’t mean that.

I don’t know why I said that.

Oh god, 

Please forget I said that.

The thoughts scream in my head,

Hoping they could be unsaid,

The water starts

Slowly trickling in,

I search for the gin,

Hoping to erase, 

My moment of weakness,

That occurred between us.

The tide seeps in,

Through the rest of the day, 

Wave by wave,

Until,

It’s getting hard to breath,

Beneath the sheets,

I look at you,

And wonder if you feel it too,

These

Sleepless nights,

Endless nights,

Thinking about

My scars just beneath,

That are starting to show,

Thought I hid them,

Long ago.

You say they look new to you, 

They feel new to me too.

They ache,

And I don’t know what to do.

I can’t ask you,

Because that would hurt you too.

I’m drowning,

And no one knows,

Not my dear even you.

I’ve disappeared into them,

They consume me,

I can’t let them consume you too.

I want to protect you,

But I want to protect me too.

Sleepless nights,

Endless fights, 

All over one plight.

What will you say if I say it?

Will you leave me if I say it? 

Will it all end if I say it?

So I stay quiet. 

And endure,

Sleepless nights,

And endless fights,

Because that would be better,

Then hurting you.

Never you.