[.Ten.]

Just read it. I think it's one of the more vivid I have.

The panic sets in and my breath starts to shorten
My vision is blurry and my thoughts are contorted
I cant feel my chest or my legs or my heart
These pills in my system have torn me apart
I can't take the dosage it was just too much
My body is numb and it's cold to the touch
And so I will lie here as calm as I can
I know someone will find me and give me a hand
But still I am dying here in the meantime
A voice tries to tell me that everything's fine
And I put all my trust in that voice in my head
Took too many pills and now I'm lying here dead
I have noone to blame now except for myself
I wouldn't take your advice and get myself help
You were trying to save me but I pushed you away
That's the one thing I regret to this very day
I shouldn't have fought you or got up to leave
I should have put my faith in all you believe
Now I feel nauseous the room starts to spin
My chest starts to tighten the drugs just kicked in
My heart beat is stronger than its ever been
I'm so f*****g stupid. Why did I take ten?
Everything's dark now and I'm so afraid
I trusted these pills and now I feel betrayed
This isn't my fault I wont take the blame
But what would it matter? I'm dying the same
I'm floating to heaven as the angels sing
Suddenly I feel someone clipping my wings
I was so overwhelmed I didn't pray for my sins
So I slip down to hell and that's how it all ends.

Author's Note

Enjoy.

Reviews

[inhale]

when i first read this i was instantly excited, this piece has a clenching sort of way it makes you think how each action feels. l liked it.

i trusted these pills and now I feel betrayed
This isn't my fault I wont take the blame
But what would it matter? I'm dying the same

i like this line it points out something that unites us all; death.


I'm floating to heaven as the angels sing
Suddenly I feel someone clipping my wings
I was so overwhelmed I didn't pray for my sins
So I slip down to hell and that's how it all ends.

i like the entire piece but the ending really sticks out.


I have noone to blame now except for myself
I wouldn't take your advice and get myself help

my only suggestion is to change this line because it doesn't seem to flow and match the rest of the poem. for me i think its the myself part that i would change

[eli mercuree rue]

that would kinda suck.. thinking about being saved in your last moments but forgetting to pray but i say why pray to something that won't accept your sins

haha

hmm
only takes ten eh?

i would like to imagine suicide painless but I can't always win can I?

i agree with the other reviewers..
nice poem yo

[Norma J. Jessee]

All in all I liked the poem very much. You do have a few discrepancies therein.
Line 12: Took too many pills and now I'm lying here dead
Then in line 19 you're alive again and the pills are just taking effect ( Now I feel nauseous the room starts to spin )

Also In line 13 : you say :( I have noone to blame now except for myself ) But then in line 25 you say : This isn't my fault I wont take the blame

Other than that It's a good poem. very descriptive.Grabs the attention and holds interest to the end.
Good work.

[[untitled]]

I liked the theme that you have presented here. I do think it might flow a bit better if broken up into stanza's but that's the individual's authors choice :)

It's a solid reminder that taking ones own life isn't the really the easy way out.

You have expressed yourself well!
Good work! Keep it up! :)

[Michael]

Well I am not quite into reading pain type of work, overall you did a good job at keeping to the topic. OK work.

[PhoeniX]

the rhyming is really good here. the topic, eh, for what you wrote and the words you used, it turned out pretty good. this piece is a bit different than the usual pill popping poems. the difference of course was the rhyming. good job

[Curiosity]

I like this piece...

[Kirsty Lee]

Stunning. A stunningly morbid realization of suicide being not so..painless as people think..