The Peace

A Story by exotic flotsam

A satire about world peace

The Peace

In a world awash with war, terrorism and oppression, the irenic United Nations announced today, all member nations fully cooperated on a single issue. Offered in jest, the idea of world peace seems reasonable The U.N. to most civilians, ceaselessly argues in languages no one understands, while wrangling for other nation's intrigue and shifting power cliques. Member nations appear very serious when they present motions or requests for lofty ideals, where few, if any, ever pass a General Assembly vote. Those speaking to the General Assembly seem to know they have the most serious matter, and thus have an unlimited amount of time to occupy the podium. Or at least it feels unlimited to every other member awaiting their turn to speak on their serious, maybe even very serious issue. Measures abducting the process, weaving , staggering through the General Assembly may consist of gavel strikes, sanctions, cacophony, shoe throwing or censures. The Security Council may veto any measure at will, and for no good reason.

The body whole seems destined to accomplish very little, save employing a plethora of bureaucrats. Pretty much everyone feels the UN is toothless in sanctions, more so with censures, and strong condemnations. Today's unified world peace announcement stunned virtually everyone, except a well unwashed dreadlocks group, still occupying Berkeley University since 1968. While worldwide peace cooperation emerged from the Assembly unanimously, some member states held reservations. Russia showed caution, with concerns they will have no nations to secretly menace in the open. Weapon sales revenue loss should tank the nation.

"World peace unquestionably causes untold economic disaster for the Kalashnikov factory." lamented CEO, who must remain unknown, Dmitri Geracova Putin. China's concern centered around its determination to persuade significant portions of any nations bearing useful natural resources. England's thin lipped dignified discourse focused on involuntary release of Ireland, Scotland, Wales, and the Falklands. England is in mourning. Which seems perfect since only dark earth tones are permitted there. The Baltic nations seized the opportunity to restore their country's individual names, none of which were presently recalled. Canada's primary complaint remains that few countries know Canada, if they exist at all. Canada’s presence in the U.N. has been marked as “absent or invisible” for 60 years.

North Korea, sporting the latest in military repressed olive drab uniforms, reluctantly supported the peace measure, even in the face losing their dying art of saber rattling for food exchange program. Kim Jung Un Il briefly considered making food for its citizens, but quickly let that notion go in continued pursuit of their recently stellar space program, Operation Crater or Splash. Which was quite handy since millions of North Koreans showed up to watch part of the launch on Authorized television. The ostensible Nerf rocket reached an unprecedented altitude of 12 feet. Then the television picture cut to happy North Koreans under happy orders. Or perhaps because they were already in Red Square under national pride orders. North Korea agreed to the peace resolution because China said so. Dictators, Generals and monarchial regimes panicked that the resolution’s implementation may become incendiary devices fomenting democracies peacefully seizing control. Recorded by all media, the press then interviewed people we do not know and countries we have never heard before.

An immediate reaction to the peace, the United Nations Union of Translators (UNUT) marched quite sedately, but steadily, upon any nearby linguistic colleges and universities offering foreign language programs, citing fear that peace may render their U.N. work unnecessary. A possible boon for many economies, peace producing industries anxiously await implementation of the motion. No such industries showed in a recent Google search. A possible bust for some economies, weapons producing industries question the sheer want of desire to re-tooling their factories to produce farming equipment. They mostly like things as they are now. Unrepresented because few care at the United Nations historic vote, the Mediocre United Nations Employees (MUNE)sought immediate governmental assistance from someone. Which government funds unemployment benefits remains unclear. MUNE forced an unauthorized favorable vote on their demands, but everyone had gone home, leaving only the Canadian speaking cleaning crew, whom no one understands.

Switzerland showed remarkably quick adaptation, turning their mountain fortress defense bunkers into more banks, private condominiums, mushroom farms and panic rooms. Subject to the accord, the United States released a statement regarding their role as the world's police force, stating they were tired, and marginally effective at the job anyway. America claimed absolution on its colonizations, to which no one agreed, except Louisiana. The United States now may focus on people rather than places. Many now peaceful nations expressed no reservations about taking over the keys to those Hummers with “U.N.” bluely emblazoned on the sides of the cool white trucks, and yet all completely unarmed.

The United Nations, the modern embodiment of visionary President Woodrow Wilson's League of Nations, has repeatedly sought to guard human rights, thwart conflict when possible, and show the value of nationhood cooperation. To date, U.N. international troops have brought no stability to any nation. At least not for very long. Most troubling is that world peace is ingrained as an impossible ideal utterly foreign to essentially everyone. Emergency medical assistance is now available for any person, or any entire country cast into disbelief shock upon hearing of the world peace. Those considering themselves Earthlings in Roswell believe world peace cooperation may lead to an exciting new era for the planet, and now await Vulcan recognition. It is a new day, even without Vulcan blessings, and never a better one to make relevant worldwide change. An unimaginable dream streaks away with us. Let us seize the day.