Black Rain

Black Rain - By Ethan West

Black rain falls on my broken mind

A field of gray, a touch of disgrace

My pursuit, my ambition, all it was blind

And now I'm trapped within these lines

Etched clear as glass upon my face

Lines that hold nothing

Hold nothing to say

A bird without sing

My voice does not ring

It's broken, and beaten, and carried away

Blind to my pain, I became a saint

Deaf to my cries, I grew larger than life

Muted my heart, withstood, became faint

Paralyzed by the fear, that they'd see my strife

Alone in that darkness

I pretend to care

I give all of my conscious

In hope that the righteous

Right actions I took, would make me feel there

But apart from it all

I still remained

Can't fathom the fall

Despite wherewithal

My perfect heart's stained

Wise beyond years, yet broken alone

A gift to the world

My goal and my throne

The black rain, thus earned

To move a mountain, I became the rain

Something I am not

And cannot maintain

In desperate power, I am left thus to rot

Author's Note

Been awhile since I've posted here. Life has a bit of a way of... getting in the way. Hope you enjoy! ^_^

Reviews

[Dominique]

The line "a bird without sing/ my voice does not ring" is a little clunky. While the rhyme is there, the first line doesn't quite flow as well as a thought as all the others in the poem. Maybe if you made it "a bird without singing" it mightve worked better? Other than that it was a really hearflet piece of regret and the lonely empty feeling that follows it.

[Poetic Beauty]

Life has a way of draining us emotionally. Making us rethink and back track things we have done. Staining our inner selves making us doubt who we are and the light that shines within us. Many times it is swallowed by darkness of guilt or regret

[Coyote Poetry]

Powerful and worthwhile thoughts shared my friend.
"Alone in that darkness
I pretend to care
I give all of my conscious
In hope that the righteous
Right actions I took, would make me feel there"
I understand the above lines. with old age. I asked myself. Did I do enough? Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

There is such a pained sadness in these words. They resonate with me far after the last word said. It speaks of someone who can't change who they are and has accepted what they have become. Thank you for sharing your poem.