Barren Night

Barren Night

By:  Ethan West

As I walk through this tainted night

A well known beauty beyond my sight

I cannot help but to think this

That this night is without her bliss

That something has, is run amok

Within her broken barren luck

A tomb of her making, for her to flee

She goes within it merrily

But even then she cries for help

To me it sounds as if a yelp

For as we pull her from her grave

She turns away from our gifts gave

And even now, as it was then

She is now in tomb again...

Author's Note

Not my best work but it was built in a very raw/unedited form. Let me know what you guys think!

Reviews

[Bats In The Belfry]

I really like the lines "Within her broken barren luck" and "A tomb of her making, for her to flee"...they are thought provoking and full of meaning...I enjoy the scenarios that run through my mind as I try to figure out the what and the why of the demons she battles and yields to.

[ewest1220]

Interesting way of putting it. I see what you're saying on this one thank you so much for your insight on my work! Thanks for reading :)

[Bats In The Belfry]

Welcome :)

[The dark story]

nikce as always...this is so obvious about your work...it's penned very nicely.engendering all kinds of emotions in me:
"She goes within it merrily".. a little smile
"But even then she cries for help"..astonishment
To me it sounds as if a yelp"...horrific
"She turns away from our gifts gave"...rejected and miserable.so nice.

[J. F. Charleston]

You may think it's not all that good, but it's really good. It maybe not as good as your other ones, but it does very good feeling and emotion in the words. The thing that makes a piece so great is the intended feeling expressed within each line. Another great write from a great writer. Thanks for the RR.

[Valentine]

You are a good writer, and I expect with more experience you could be a n exceptional one.. as for the poem, I think many of us entomb our ownselves in a sad life or depression that is similiar rto a coffin as one is not really living but dead to all around them..Katihe

[h d e rushin]

Your an excellent writer sir. Although you make me believe that I, once again,
am in that 1700 poetry history class with your romantic style. I love your
imagery...dana

[ewest1220]

Nothing too bad about the 1700's they had good poetry ;) I'm really thrilled you liked this thank you so much for your input!

[Junert]

It has a nice rhyme pattern. And I like it.

[ewest1220]

Thanks! :)

[SHEEMA HUQ]

a great rhyming scheme and a true pleasure to read Ethan, well done

[ewest1220]

Thanks! Always nice to hear from you Sheema!

[MandaBear]

I really liked this. I can't really say what it is but it just pulled me in. Great Job!

[ewest1220]

Thanks!

[gombeggar]

she is now 'entombed' again...

[ewest1220]

lol well that makes sense now doesn't it XP

[quarintine_deathangel]

I get the gist of helping people who start their own problems, totally been there... You wrote very well although you might want to rephrase that second stanza so the ideas of the thought and narration are seperate; it could make this easier toe read. Jus' sayin' ^^ Great work as always! You're an excellent writer, thanx for sharing your works! ^.^

[ewest1220]

Hmm that would make a lot of sense actually. Thanks for the input it's nice to hear from you! :D thanks for reading!

[Pax]

i do actually like this, dark and mysterious... seems like the past keeps on appearing to remind the person that his love will never come back anymore, now buried and long gone... sounds like a deep longging... wonderful work my friend...

[ewest1220]

Thank you! I'm really glad you like it. Also that's a very interesting perspective you've taken on this piece thank you for your insight!

[Pax]

come back to typor error...and glad you liked my insights... your most welcome :)