Chapter 4: An Ominous Sign

Chapter 4: An Ominous Sign

Issak headed back towards the clearing where the ruins of the town once stood. As he neared the forest edge, however, he smelled something strange. The burning of several fires and horse droppings had created a thick putrid aroma that made his head spin. He slowly approached the clearing. But what he saw before him was so inconvenient it made his head spin in fury.

Tens of thousands of soldiers had camped in the disheveled town. An Amas flag flying high over the scattered tents and dancing flames.

“What are they doing here?” Issak thought to himself. “Why would they bring so many soldiers? What's their goal?”

His mind drifted away into frustrated thought. He stared off into space for some time but could think of nothing. He lifted himself back onto his feet and turned to leave.

But just then his tired eyes caught the form of someone sprinting toward the camp. Anger flared up inside Issak's mind like white hot coals against his heart. It was the woman from the clearing. And judging by the way she was running he was about to be exposed.

Issak groaned with suppressed fury. He wanted to catch her, to stop her somehow. To kill her before she made it to the camp, something!

“No,” he thought sadly looking at his blood soaked clothes. “I've sinned enough today.”

He would head toward the great city of Shenok Duhl. It was nearby and it was also one of the few cities that hadn't fallen under the control of the Amas. There, at least, he may be able to rest in peace. He turned and ran away from the clearing, nerves ablaze from the thought of the upcoming pursuit.

Author's Note

Another short chapter, however I saw this, again, as an important angle to set up. What do you think?

Reviews

[Yheela]

Brill!
What does the camp look like?
Is it organised into neat lines? Or just a couple of tents dumped all over the place? The soldiers? Are they as rough as the ones in the forest?

Is there anything about Elizabeth running that catches his eye more? Her hair streaming behind her? Her cloak tangling her legs?

[ewest1220]

Also brilliant. Those are places I can absolutely expand on to make this sound better! Thank you so much!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Yeah I agree I think more details is cool :)

[The dark story]

"I've sinned enough today"......that was the touching line in the whole lot....telling us more about his character.....i really liked the description of every thing you have made over here...and yeah.....you ended the previous chapter with something related to elizabeth..that subject is completely vanished over here...hmmm.leaving us with more questions........anyway.it's a nice wok!!!!!

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I hope you enjoy the other chapters as well! :D

[MOON]

Lovely as the reviewer said below instead of just saying dishevelled town describe town more so you have sense of what the town looks like . Guess what they mean by show instead of tell.Sometimes difficult to do but can have more of an impact on the reader.

[ewest1220]

Very true very true, I'll get right on it my friend. Thanks again for all you help!

[Seyi Ojenike]

Its nice

[ewest1220]

Thanks!

[emilythestrange]

I love that, " I've sinned enough today" . It's a new favourite of mine, because everyone should think back during their day when their about to sin, and say that to themselves....

emilythestrange xxx

[ewest1220]

Agreed. I'm really thrilled you enjoyed this Emily thank you so much for reading!

[emilythestrange]

:D

[quixotic_rose]

I'm combining my review on chaps 2/3/4. I'm loving this extremely :) awesome details, great story line, excellent character developments. A little bit of editing wouldn't hurt, just look over and I bet you'll see the little mistakes. great work !

[ewest1220]

Wow thanks! I'm really glad you liked it and I'm working on the editing XP admittedly it isn't my favorite part of the writing process lol thanks again for reading!

[quixotic_rose]

What!! its not your favorite part?! lol it probably isn't for a lot of people. I love editing, but that's probably because I'm crazy.

[Sarah Hitchcock]

For me this was to short, and I am as I said no expert, but I prefer thought to be in italics. I guess that is all down to preference.

[ewest1220]

That's a tough one I see what you're saying though. I'll check it out though :) Thanks!

[Sarah Hitchcock]

As I said, it is just my opinion, and everyone has their own preferences.

[T. Logan]

The horse droppings thing was pretty explanatory. I can smell it. *shudders*. Still good work though!

[ewest1220]

lol I used to be a farmboy so the smell isn't one I'm foreign to unfortunately XP either way I'm really glad you enjoyed it thank you so much for reading T. Logan!

[gombeggar]

again needs more detail...maybe slow yourself down...u can still express the action in the same pace u have and still include more details...read tolkien of frank herbert for this...on the other hand read issac asmov's original 3 foundation novels especially the first one...that has the same kind of pacing with more detail...may help u

[ewest1220]

Scenery has always been my vice. But I'll get to work on it and add some more details into the coming chapters. At least to try and get the feel for what you are saying thank you so much for the input it's really helpful!

[gombeggar]

glad to help...but trust yer own instincts too

[kublakhan27]

I'm not great with reviews so I probably won't comment on every chapter, but just so you do know, I've liked every one so far and it's a great story :)

[ewest1220]

lol sounds good I'm really glad you are enjoying my work :)

[kublakhan27]

No problem :)