I will now tell you a tale. It's a tale of affection and love of the most beauteous kind. You will be keen to disregard this tale as something false.
You will see, through unseen eyes, a man and a woman protecting their hearts. You will see them set up barriers in mind and act that should have ripped them apart. But from some beautiful miracle these barriers fall.
I will show you those first awkward moments turn to bliss as they wander within the other's eyes. The poetic comfort as their laughs erase in their mind all else but each other. In a sense you will become a part of that bliss.
I will show you their bliss turn into love. A love that will persist the test of time. Something pure, something beautiful.
And just like that my tale has ended. But where did it begin? Confused? Don't be.
Was supposed to write a love story, not sure if this was quite what my teacher had in mind but people seem to like this one. Not my personal favorite I'll be honest. What do you guys think? Any input is greatly appreciated!
My Review
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Honestly, I think this sounds like a well-written preface or description of a story, not a love story unto itself. That's not a radical interpretation I guess, because that's pretty much what it is, right? There are elements of a story here, namely characters and a rudimentary narrative. But they are all so evanescent and abstract, and the story is so short, that I couldn't really get into it.
I did notice that as I was reading this short story, I pictured the scenes described unfolding in my mind. Therefore, the mysterious passage at the end I interpreted as meaning that you wrote this in such a way as to deliberately evoke this tale in the minds' of readers so that they saw themselves in the position of the characters--so in a sense, I felt like you left them deliberately blank so that we could see ourselves in their places. That's just my hypothesis and it may be way off the mark XD
Ultimately, I think of this as a prettily-worded and poetic introduction to a story that sounds generic, but moving too. However I'd say it ends too abruptly and without advancing very far, so it's elusive. But that's what you were going for I think.
Or I am just way over-analyzing this XD
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Actually on your second point you are absolutely spot on. I love the analysis of my work you have g.. read moreActually on your second point you are absolutely spot on. I love the analysis of my work you have given me some fantastic input I really appreciate the time you took on this review! I love the perspective you took and I do see the "generic" part of this as you say. Thanks again for reading!
I really like this, and it sort of reminds me of something that would be on the back of a book or something like that. :) Good job and keep writing! :)
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
12 Years Ago
Will do ;) I'm thrilled that you enjoyed this thank you so much for reading!
I am not really fond of pure innocent love so I loved the sneaky last part:
And just like that my tale has ended. But where did it begin? Confused?
Don't be. You were there the entire time...
It describes how great stories must end...before you have the chance to resent them.
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
12 Years Ago
Love the perspective! Thanks again for reading it's always nice to hear from you!
This is beautiful... I love the way it's somewhat unconventional.
I love the last line... it left me stunned, to be honest.
Again, well done :)
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
12 Years Ago
Thanks! I like the last line as well so I'm glad you feel the same way. I'm glad you liked it than.. read moreThanks! I like the last line as well so I'm glad you feel the same way. I'm glad you liked it thank for reading!
Its good however it mostly reads like a synopsis to something bigger. Like something that I would read on the back of a book or a DVD cover. Then again its more than what it should be if that were the case. Overall its hard to define this. Good work though!
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
12 Years Ago
Interesting thought actually. I see exactly what you mean though it would be weird to see my stuff .. read moreInteresting thought actually. I see exactly what you mean though it would be weird to see my stuff on a DVD cover lol who knows?! But hey thanks for reading my friend and I'm glad you liked my work!
i always find your work enthralling.......i really like this story ...........but you know what...i thought at some point that i am reading a fascinating poem..it's just great.keep writing like this.:)
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
12 Years Ago
I can see where you'd get that actually it kind of has that "poetic" tone I'm always stuck on ;) wel.. read moreI can see where you'd get that actually it kind of has that "poetic" tone I'm always stuck on ;) well hey thank you so much for reading and good luck on those exams!
I have been writing for as long as I can remember. I have been featured in about 4 books, have won several contests for my work and currently have a paperback edition of my works. (Titled "A Winter Wa.. more..