Firefight

Firefight

By: Ethan West

The fire rages bright

Of man reborn again

When all was before now

I was dead before then

But now in life's fire I burn

And I am brought to begin

So let the fire burn bright

My hearts fuel within

Burning bright as the night

For black fuel fuels black flame

I take back my life

And take pride in my name

My name I cry out

To all that will hear

I scream and I shout

I will not bend in fear

Fear of that darkness

That black flame reviewed

The cold bitter sadness

Of a once tired feud

Broken by storms and battered by dream

I take up my hand and reach for the light

I hear my heat ring, and it's voice does sing

I take up my sword and fight

Author's Note

Very very raw poem. This is the first draft I'm not sure whether or not I like it yet. So I'll leave it up to you guys! Thank you for your time!

Reviews

[Melody]

The rawness does indeed help it out. It's rhythm is off a little bit for me, but it doesn't really do anything negative to the poem. If anything I think the off-rhythm belongs to this piece,but it could be stronger and might be better with the last line being longer, I feel like that would make it just right. :)
Great read though.

[ewest1220]

Also interesting perspective. The rhyme scheme was intended to limp I'm not sure if I quite succeeded. I'm glad you liked it though! Thanks for reading!

[astronaut]

I really like this, and in my opinion I don't think you need another revision or draft. Once a poem is raw, it should stay how it was and shouldn't be modified into something you originally didn't feel from your heart. :) There's an almost longing feeling in this poem, but fighting for something unknown and not giving up.
"I take up my sword and fight"
Almost like although there is trouble and anguish, there is still a bit of hope to look forward to if you don;t give up.
Very nice job and keep writing, you have a unique voice. :)

[ewest1220]

Wow thank you for the very detailed review. I'm not changing a thing ^_^

[Rox Bain ☮]

Somehow, you've managed to write something so raw... and yet so powerful.
The line: "For black fuel fuels black flame" is really ... I can't even put into words what I'm trying to say... it's so powerful and unique. I absoloutly adore your writing technique, it's amazing.

[ewest1220]

Wow I'm really glad you liked it! Thanks, once again, for a very interesting and detailed review! I'm thrilled you enjoy my work!

[Dr. Wood ?]

I agree mainly with the previous reviewer. You clearly have quite a following on here and they, like me enjoy your work. But I still feel that you could be better by relaxing it a bit....don't tie yourself to the rigid rhyme...keep the flow but loosen up a little...This COULD be better....It is only My humble opinion though...

[ewest1220]

Interesting... Probably wont change this one but be ready for a much more "relaxed" approach on some of my future works. Thanks again for reading your input is always appreciated!

[Sarah Hitchcock]

I am as I said still getting to grips with poems, but sadly this one I was a little unsure off. I can tell by the way its written it has been done well, but the story behind it, I am not a 100% sure what it is telling me.

This is why I find poems hard to review, as I don't always understand them, so pleased do not be offended by my comment. Just that I am not in anyway any expert at all.

[ewest1220]

Interesting. I understand what you're saying this work is very raw so it may be a little hard to understand. Thank you for reading though!

[Sarah Hitchcock]

Bless you, its not your writing at all, it is me. I know very little about the set up and ways in which they work. My style is to tell a story in a book format or just a short story. However I know my local group will be looking into poems, so hopefully I will learn as I go. Thanks for being very understanding. i do have one question, being an old member, but not being active for many years. I am not sure how to get readers, or send out these requests. Thank you.

[Hatchling]

This is perfect

[ewest1220]

Perfect? O.o Strong words lol I'm really thrilled you think so. Thank you so much for reading!

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the energy and drive in the poem. The poem built-up to a strong ending. Good description led the reader to a very good ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poem.
Coyote

[ewest1220]

Thanks! Glad you liked it!

[Maria1985]

I like the first line, that's something that its worth remembering.

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!

[Pax]

the rawness makes it more intriguing, fresh and beautiful. nice job

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I'm really glad you liked it!

[Eve]

I love all poems of overcoming adversity and sadness, never fear, course I do sometimes, do as I say not as I do, lol..loved it..

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!